Finally, after two months on this forum, I'm ready to start my journal. Thanks, @Jolie, for a kick in the butt. We met a bit over a year and a half ago. He is 8 years younger than me. I have 3 kids from before. They like him, especially the two younger ones. My oldest is an adult already, so even though he still lives with us, he has his own life now. At the beginning it was nice, but it started to go bad only a few weeks into our dating. Basically, when we went out in public for the first time, I noticed he wasn't really there with me, and he was staring at women. I was confused as hell, because I knew he really liked me. After a few of these ogling incidents, I finally asked him about it, but he denied. I felt overly jealous and blamed myself for it, so I tried to "work on myself". But the ogling did not stop. The sex (and any other romantic situations) were almost always initiated by me. He was always "busy" with his phone or tablet. I started googling "why does my boyfriend stare at other women" and similar searches... FOR MONTHS!!! I was so hurt and confused and felt not appreciated as a woman. A few months ago (maybe beginning of winter or in the fall) I caught him masturbating in the toilet. He still doesn't know how I figured it out, but I put one and one together and I did. I confronted him about it right away. I stormed into the bedroom and said something like "So you masturbate in the toilet after telling me you're going to sleep?!?! Now I know why you're not that interested in having sex with me." He couldn't deny it, because I said I know for sure he *just* did it. He was kind of shaken that I was so certain... I guess he never expected to be caught almost in the act, so he admitted, but said he almost never does it (it was of course a lie). Things didn't improve for the next few months, but got worse. Finally maybe end of March or beginning of April I learned about PA, because all my googling about our situation pointed in that direction. So I asked him to read one article and tell me if it sounded like him. He said "maybe yes", which for him means "YES!!! For sure YES!" Then I got so angry and went through a full blown trauma over this. His disclosure has been painfully slow and vague, and always based on me asking questions after questions. I'm still not sure he told me everything. The ogling continues, even though he says he's trying to control it. He has one accountability partner on this forum, but he is very young and definitely not over his own fight with PA. So far my BF has barely read 1/4 of one book on the topic. No therapy. No 12-step program. Excuses excuses excuses. He is a nice guy, but he is deeply in shame, maybe depressed, procrastinating with everything. And I am busy researching help for him instead of healing myself. He is doing the noPM thing (his counter says 92 days), but other than that, not much more. Excuse: "I can't spend ALL my free time on this..." Because of the no voluntary disclosure, I still don't trust him 100%. I feel that he would be afraid to tell me if he did slip or relapse.