Hello, new here just signed up. I'm here as I don't have anywhere else I can turn to on this. To give a quick run down two weeks ago I went to the bathroom and my SO had left his phone in the bathroom with a site still open. I had the wind knocked out of me, but I took the phone to him and asked if there was anything we needed to talk about. He was full of remorse, massively embarrassed and could not stop apologising. We talked, a lot, we have always had a very open and what I thought was a very honest relationship, (we have been together nearly 20+yrs) and through the conversation we had over the next couple of hours he said it was something he did once a month a quick stress buster so to say. I said that I get it, I get that people look to this sort of thing and it wasn't necessarily what he was watching or doing, it was that he has lied to me! and he hurt me more than I could put into words. This is the first time in our relationship that I have ever had pause or concern on our connection. He knows that my trust in him had been diminished, but that I am prepared to work on my emotions and trust in him, just as he is willing to work on rebuilding it. He promised to not look at it anymore, and the past couple of weeks I know he has been true to that. I said to not make that promise as I didn't think it would be something that could be solved as quickly as that. I said I didn't see it as an addiction, but it would be something we both needed to work on, I thought it was a small hiccup!! However, yesterday morning I walked into the bedroom to find him in the midst of it, to say deer caught in a headlights would be an understatement! He tried saying that it wasn't what it looked like. I said it was exactly what it looked like!! After some back and forth of this he backed down and hung his head, it broke my heart seeing him like that, but it hurt me more with him lying to my face. What compounds the hurt more than the first time is we had been damn intimate couple of hours before hand. I was on my way to him for a kiss and a cuddle as I didn't think he would be up for a 2nd round, only to find out he apparently was, just not with me!! I even said to him that I believe he wouldn't have told me later that he had broken a promise I never asked him to make. His reply was "I would like to think I would". However, I'm really not so sure on that! not anymore anyway! This event leads me to believe that he actually has an addiction and not realise it, that it is not just a stress buster a "Dopamine hit" as he calls it, to need that hit that close in time, he even said that he wasn't even thinking about it he just picked up his phone looked up the site and got on with it. So how often has he looked at it in the past, more than once a month? Was I not enough that morning? Does he think of what he watches when he is with me? These and a thousand other questions are now racing through me head. All of which led me to this site, I'm hoping to learn from other addicts and partners of addicts, and at the same time offer some help in return if I can. My SO doesn't know about this site (yet!!) and strangely enough I don't know if I should tell him that I'm on here, and that is even more f*cked up as I have never kept anything from him in the past. I just need somewhere to sort through my head and I don't have anyone that I can talk to, we have moved around a lot due to work, so I don't really have any friends close by, and the invisibility of the internet gives me a safety net! We have been through a lot in our lives together, we have been through hell and back (maybe some bits I will talk through on here as I start to sort through my head and my heart, it may be part of the puzzle of rebuilding our relationship) but we have always faced it together, talked everything out and come out stronger nothing in this world could ever bring us down. However, this is just something I don't know how to approach. I love him to the end of the universe and back and I know he loves me completely and unconditionally. I know he is upset that he has hurt me like this and is willing to do whatever it takes to get us back on track. I just don't know what that should be! How do you rebuild 20+yrs of trust that has been broken in a matter of moments? Should I guide him to this site, or will it make him upset or angry that I've posted here?? Could I make things worse??? Not sure if this is a great opening thread.. Hey I new here, hear me rant, I guess it kinda snowballed, and even then I have held back on all I need to say right now I still need to process it all I think anyway, if you got this far, thanks for sticking with me!!