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Not sure if I can....

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by 21yearsin, Mar 3, 2018.

  1. 21yearsin

    21yearsin Fapstronaut

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    Go on with this, I am so damn angry and just can't get past the anger. Just when I start feeling a little better my blood starts boiling and I don't know if it will ever stop.

    It's not even the PM that makes me mad- he's not doing that RIGHT NOW- it's the Years and Years of LIES that I just can't get past. Did he look at me and think "what a dumb bitch" when I believed him? I hate me a liar more than anything and he has ALWAYS known this about me... I just don't get it at all....
     
    GG2002 and Jagliana like this.
  2. TryingToHeal

    TryingToHeal Fapstronaut

    I totally get this. It is the lies that are the killer.
     
  3. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

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    I completely understand this and went through it for quite some time after DDay #1, physical cheating. Every few months the anger and rage subsided, not necessary by intensity but I could start to to have a day where I felt ok, then it went to two days and so forth. It’s only been until recently (over the course of 4 years, after DDay #2 with the depth of PA) that when it does happen it’s mentally manageable, mostly in regards to having healing communication between us. No more lies, minimizing and gaslighting that made the difference for me.
    They say and it really was that way for me is 2-4 years of roller coaster emotions to subsid. It’s a long road through hell but it possible to come out the other side.
     
    Numb, 21yearsin and Jagliana like this.
  4. Jagliana

    Jagliana Fapstronaut

    The secrets and lies are such a killer, worse than anything else! I hear you! :mad:
     
    21yearsin likes this.
  5. Jennica

    Jennica Fapstronaut

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    To quote someone, I don’t know who but it sums up my perspective perfectly is, “ I would rather be slapped with the truth then kissed with lie”.
     
  6. Totally identify. It's the lying (my PA lies by omission so he can fool himself too) because if he had been honest, at least that would've given me the choice to find someone who does want to have sex with me. Someone who doesn't prefer porn. I think the anger comes from hurt, friend. Hurt and frustration at the whole, sorry mess.
    Like you, my PA is also abstinent for now but that hasn't stopped the anger. It's only just stopped me walking out on him. In fact, we'll know in a few months if it will work. We've agreed to stick to our recovery commitments. I will try to understand his condition more and work on my own self-esteem. His deal is to stay away from PMO during that time. This way, we can tell ourselves that we've tried everything we can to save this relationship. At the end, one of two things will happen. Either we will start making wedding plans or I'll be making moving plans. If there's one thing I can control, it's that I refuse to support him while he relapses year after year.
    I do hope sharing your feelings about this has helped you a little. Best of wishes X
     
    21yearsin likes this.

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