Not sure I want to quit... mixed emotions

Discussion in 'Ages 40+' started by Lefty2, Aug 12, 2018.

  1. Lefty2

    Lefty2 Fapstronaut

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    I made it about 12 days with no P. I am going to be 49 and I have a habit that spans 20 plus years- really since I was a teen but with the advent of the internet... well you know the story.

    I am writing my story right now as a healthy alternative to PMO. I like porn, and PMO is enjoyable. I just know that it is not healthy. I am about to start day 1 again in the morning.

    As I mentioned in another post, it really got out of hand when I was on anti- depressants a few years ago and was living away from home for work. I masturbated in excess because the anti depressants were giving me a bad case of delayed ejaculation so I used porn to make sure I could still function. I wasn’t functioning well in the bedroom with my wife when it did happen. I couldn’t reach climax very easily at all and it was very frustrating. I almost felt justified in using porn to give me something I couldn’t get otherwise.

    So, the ejaculation issue, being away from home. It was the perfect storm for a habit to form... an addiction if you will.

    Moved home several years ago, and came off the Prozac over a year ago and my erections started coming back along with my sex drive but a nasty habit had formed- PMO.

    Fast forward to today. My sex life is better but not as good as it could be. I believe part of the solution is to kick this addiction. I didn’t even want to admit it was an addiction for the longest time. For almost 12 days I didn’t view porn, but I continued to masturbate in the mornings.

    One thing led to another and I was back viewing porn and masturbating. Fact is- I like the porn. I like to watch women have sex. Beautiful bodies. Their men satisfying them and ejaculating on them, in them. I am hooked on the fantasy. I know I can break free if I truly want to. I am just not sure I truly want to. Can anyone relate?

    I mean from a moral standpoint I want to.

    From a spending my time on more worthwhile endeavors I want to.

    From a reboot standpoint to get my body and brain back to the point where I can thoroughly enjoy healthy sex. I want to.

    But the porn is like a drug. You have to completely stay away from it. You have to abstain from masturbating without it. I underatand that now because it is a cycle. The M and the O just leads back to the P when you have an addiction.

    I was so satisfied when I made it 12 days with no porn. That is huge after years and years of a habit. Anyone relate?

    I am going to start day 1 again tomorrow, Monday. How does one truly break free?

    I mean I have been doing this stuff for a long time.
     
  2. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    Yeah, it does take a long time to "break free" for those of us who have been doing porn for decade after decade, but you can win. Good luck
     
  3. CoEfficientX

    CoEfficientX Fapstronaut

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    Mixed emotions are normal. It’s an addiction so the thought of quitting something you enjoy so much is hard to accept. Most of us are here because we realize that porn is a drug and it has had negative effects on our lives. That’s why I’m quitting, not because I don’t enjoy it but because it’s had too many negative effects on my life.
     
  4. ReadyToStop

    ReadyToStop Fapstronaut

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    Hi @Lefty2. Oh I can certainly relate. I also recognize the soul searching going on in your head. It's the sound of an addict trying to rationalize the impending relapse.

    Remember, we're all addicts here. We talk ourselves into whatever it takes to convince ourselves that it wasn't that bad back when we were using it. Stay on track. you need to find a way to build a bigger distance between where you are now and what you were before.

    Thinking fondly of going back to PMO? You need to clear your head of the fantasies, the urges and the dopamine.
     
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  6. ReadyToStop

    ReadyToStop Fapstronaut

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    How are we holding up @Lefty2 ?
     
    kropo82 likes this.

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