normal vs hard reboot

Hi,
I'm married and my wife still enjoys having sex with me and is still asking for it. I want to know the influence this might have in my addiction. I understand that there is the Chaser effect, I'm talking in terms of the length of the reboot required and if it prolongs the addiction because my brain is still getting the dopamine from sex, or is it somehow different because it's with a person and not based around PMO?

Also does sex reset my counter?

 

Thanks. I agree with that. It doesn't answer my question though. I agree that the less you use those neural pathways, the less likely one will relapse. However, is there a difference between PMO and sex in this regard? With PMO, it serves the addiction and it gets intensified. Does sex do the same thing because it is using the same neural pathways, or is it still completely okay just that it increases the likelihood for relapse because of the Chaser effect and other such side effects? Also, if someone has rebooted successfully on normal mode but had sex, is the addiction as strongly broken as on hardmode, since one had sex during that period of time or only the issue is PMO and nothing else can directly intensify or retain the addiction?

 

hmmm...is that true though? There are differences between sex and PMO that are hardcoded into the brain. I guess it would depend on how long afterwards you let it continue, no? If you don't act on it, then the dopamine release usually found at O is not present, which is what we are addicted to, P is just the mechanism to get that specific release of it. I remember Jordan Peterson talking about the difference once.

 

Hmmm...I think I might only try hardmode if either normal mode isn't successful or that certain objectifications return or behavioural elements return or do not diminish. I guess also if the urges intensify, I'll go hard mode although not no spooning. I believe that's called MonkMode no?

 

hmmm...it would be nice if actual counselors posted on these forums instead of relying on just anecdotal evidence or opinion pieces. She was the one that told you about the neural pathways and that anything can cause them to be triggered? And again, I understand that sex could cause risks in the reboot process and maybe prolong it, but does it have the same effect on addiction as PMO does?

 

Not really. P greatly decreased my drive for sex. Only due to the intense drive of my wife, did sex actually occur. I acknowledge that it is uncomfortable. It can't be more uncomfortable than actually telling my wife that I'm an addict. The reason I am not wanting to cut this out is 2-fold: (a) i think sex is an important part of the relationship and this punishes my wife unnecessarily (although I hear that it only does so short-term and she is more likely to receive more quality bouts of intimacy afterwards) and (b) whilst I do fear the Chaser effect greatly and had I been single this would not have been a problem, but since I am not, I believe that it would make it more likely to relapse. Whereas a normal reset would prolong the reboot but would make it more likely to be a successful reboot. That's why I ask about its impact on the addiction itself. Perhaps it is impossible to break the addiction without hard mode or monk mode (which I believe is what you are talking about).

My wife would agree to 2 weeks, but not a whole month or a whole rebooting period, I think.

 

damnit. okay, so normal mode didn't work for you. If you don't mind me asking, what about it didn't work? It just fueled the objectification element of the addiction even though the behavioural element was being phased it? which is still damaging but less so.

 

hmmm...how do you be an observer while being intimate. I get the lustful thoughts and the objectification part.

 

I think what I might try for now is alternate between Monk Mode and Normal Mode. 2 weeks normal, 2 weeks monk.