Nofap help needed with long term girlfriend

A little background then, I am 24 and have been addicted to PMO since I can remember, probably started age 10+, I got my first handjob and ever since then I loved the feeling. Growing up I used to fap to anything I could get my hands on (magazine wise) because the internet wasn't really big here, but when I got older and found the internet *porn* then it got serious, I was doing it 3-4 times a day probably, I joined the military and shared a room with 10 people but it didn't stop me going to the bathroom at 2-3am to rub one out, I done it in porto-potties while even on exercise it was that bad, I was having sex at the same time but most of it didn't satisfy what I had been watching online (some kinky stuff), I started experimenting as much as I could but sometimes it just wasn't enough but I made do, I fantasised about sex all the time, I couldn't walk down the street without thinking sexual thoughts about every women that walked past, not in a creepy way where I would stare at them up and down it was quite the opposite, it made me shy around women to the point I thought maybe they know what I am thinking, it got in my head and made me awkward around girls but again I made do, I met my partner about 4 years ago and it started out the way all my encounters with women did... sex ( I'm not confident at all, again quite the opposite I hate myself and think I am the ugliest guy in the world) so whenever women showed an interest in me I fell for it because of the lack of self-confidence, theres probably another side to why I was a bit more kinkier than the average dude (abuse when I was younger) but that isn't really relevant.

So we started dating and at first it was just sex because she lived 400 miles away where I am from but because I was based elsewhere it worked, but when we started going out it got hard because I couldn't kick the habit of having these sexual thoughts over everyone and it made it difficult to have a girlfriend because my mind would constantly wander when it came to other women ( I felt really bad for feeling like this )

We have tried basically all the kinky fantasies I have wanted to try and now part of me feels like sex is just mundane and boring because to an extent I have done it all..... but not when I watch porn, I currently watch it while she is at work and at night when she is asleep, she doesn't think I am attracted to her anymore when I am it's just I get horny when she is at work and rub one out. I still can't shake the thoughts of sleeping with other women (celebrities and what not) and it is really having a massive affect/effect *spelling was never my strongpoint* on our relationship so I wanted to quit the fapping and try get rid of the mindset I have.

I have told her sort of everything, I told her that I had/have a sex addiction and I think about the things I think about, I am going to tell her tonight about my porn addiction and try talk to her about it. I have cheated on her a few times because of this but she is willing to give me another chance and work through it, most of it was like sexual talk online with randomers, I am so horny all the time, I fap over things I don't even like such as crossdressing... anything that would give me attention and make me cum I liked.

I guess I am looking for tips and if while doing Nofap can you still have sex with your SO or is it a bad idea? I don't want to live like this anymore, I wanna be happy and healthy, it is impacting my mental health too so I do want to change my ways. My therapist has explained to me that part of the reason why I am like this sexually is because when I was abused it kinda put me in a hamsters wheel of sexual thoughts, something that every teenager goes through but the issue is I never got off the hamster wheel and everyone else did.



Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading.

 

Thanks man, I guess it is all about reading here and trying to fix things.

 

So still have sex with her but not the kinky out there stuff and avoid porn?

 

Well thanks for the welcome!

 

What factors?

 

Yeah we have spoke about it and we have decided to quite PM and think hard about the O, she is more than happy to support me through it no matter what so that is a good thing! Yeah this is my first day and I am thinking about it already tbh.

 

Yo, thanks for the advice man! Yeah, it was my therapist who actually confronted me on it and kinda got me thinking...

Yeah we have been together for a good number of years and live together, we both want to get married and have a life so that is why she wants to be able to support me as much as she can. I haven't heard of betrayal trauma before but I wish check it out. Yeah this is the only thing that affects our relationship. I hate myself which is also part of the issue but I am working on that too, I want to start going back to church but I have these thoughts while in church and then feel even worse. Thank you so much brother, your words mean a lot to me!

 

Too much of the PM? I kinda have some performance issues when it comes to sex now because of the PM

 

Ah that helps so much! Thank you

 

Yeah I showed her this message and we are speaking about it, we have other issues so was thinking about no sex or Os so we can deal with these issues, do you have any advice for her?