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No PMO sounds unbearable compared to just no PM. What should i do ?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by ToEdgeOrNtToEdge, Nov 20, 2017.

  1. I'm going to make this short and to the point, unlike my introductory life-story post.
    I've been reading a lot that O with PIV makes the recovery period longer or even stops it in it's tracks like giving a substitute substance to a drug addict.
    On the other hand if I even think about going Hard Mode ,even for 30 days, I just feel like quitting on the spot.

    Any advice ? Or maybe success stories from people who didn't do Hard Mode ?
     
  2. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    Hi

    I didn't go hard mode. I quit P and M, but still had sex with my wife. What 'helped' was that we normally make love only once every 10 days or so. This recipe worked perfectly well for me. Reboot worked. No relapses. PIED improved after 20-30 days and was completely fixed by 60.

    So to me, it is all about frequency. If you went from daily PMO to daily PIV then I'm sure that would jeopardise the reboot, but making love once every week or two shouldn't hurt. But the key to it all is to quit P and M. Get that counter ticking up!!

    Good luck.

    ANH
     
  3. Thanks, that's encouraging.
     
  4. Spiff

    Spiff Fapstronaut

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    I'm going my about my (attempting) to quit the same way. Personally, I've found that sex with my wife helps the process rather than hurts it. I think sex with my wife is the healthiest thing I can do with my sexual energy, and I see no reason to abstain from it. Perhaps it depends at least partially on the frequency of one's PMO habit, but in general I say go for it.

    I don't know what your relationship status is, but I probably wouldn't make the same recommendation if you weren't in some kind of committed relationship. Casual sex is too much like PMO and won't help you heal.
     
  5. NF4L

    NF4L Fapstronaut

    I say pick your battles. I too am on a journey to reboot without P and M. When I started my challenge, I didn’t even consider having M as a part of it, but without P the desires to M and self soothe, or relive stress just wasn’t there. I wanted to focus on P, abstinence from M followed, even if I didn’t feel like I could do without it.
    I do believe the full reboot process will be longer while still having O as the brain still gets its dopamine hit it craves, but the patterns of a healthy committed relationship will replace the negative habit of PMO.
    While everyone’s reasons for their reboot are different, I think for those of us PAs in LTR with a committed partner, need to focus on being more connected, present, and authentic with our SOs. This means not using real sex as a Psub, not fantasizing about scenes, not ogling, not viewing women as sex objects.
    Early on, having an O with my SO probably helped ensure I wouldn’t relapse. I was also very mindful of my P habit, and was concerned about the chaser effect and the potential to relapse. Luckily There was no chaser effect for me, but there may not be for others, it could have been the sheer willpower and conscious thought that prevented it from happening. Earlier in the process and flatlines, the O from connected passionate love making wasn’t very enjoyable, but the experience itself was immensely more pleasurable and satisfying. I would surmise my brain was too sensitized to the dopamine hit, but wasn’t to the oxytocin relapsed through intimate contact. I would recommend spending more time cuddling, Loving, snuggling, holding hands, and kissing your partner, over trying to have sex. The skin on skin contact for me was more soothing than the release from an O, and helped me realize that having an understanding and available partner to hold me and be held was more rewarding than rubbing one out to pixels on a screen.
    Depending on your relationship and the damage your PMO has caused, you may have an uphill battle reconnecting with your SO. I can attest the effort put it into it is worth it. I wish you the best luck, and trust you have the strength to make this positive change in your life free from P and M!
     
  6. BBWolf000

    BBWolf000 Fapstronaut

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    Totally agree with this! Everyone's experience will be different so you'll have to figure out a schedule or system that leaves you feeling in control. I made the mistake early of binge sex (3 O's in 2 days) after a 20ish day long PMO streak and faced the full wrath of the Chaser Effect. As long as you are aware and exhibit some lessening of O frequency then you are making progress in the right direction. Just stay away from P and M no matter what!

    Just a note on your thread title:

    I'm not criticizing you here at all, just trying to give some food for thought, but take a second and really think about the word unbearable. To me it means unreachable or difficult to the point of impossible. Do you want to live a life where anything is unbearable? When you look at yourself in the mirror do you see someone who isn't capable of handling anything life throws at them? Your self doubter and inner critic want you to think this way. They want things to stay the same; to keep you addicted. Keep this is mind during your reboot and remember the words we choose can dictate our fate!

    and Smile; You Can Do It!
     
    Last edited: Nov 20, 2017
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  7. NF4L

    NF4L Fapstronaut

    You bring up a good point here that makes me think of goals. Goals should make one feel uncomfortable. They should be a challenge, and hard to reach. That said they shouldn’t be impossible, but should be a stretch. When setting goals for yourself keep these in mind.
     
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  8. TheLoneDanger

    TheLoneDanger Fapstronaut

    I didn’t do hard mode because I continued to have sex with my wife. Maybe I was a little different, but when I had learned what was causing ED, I took the mindset that I was completely through with this crap, sort of “scared straight” if you will. So I actually would have rather been going hard mode because I didn’t like what the chaser effect did to me. If you can get into that mindset, I think it’s worth trying hard mode.

    Now having said that, I still saw improvements over time and I’m still seeing improvements. So a full hard mode reboot isn’t necessary for everyone. You’ve got to figure out what will work best for you.
     
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