No PMO and then ?

Lesoldat · Dec 21, 2015

Hello guys,

I found about nofap more than two months ago and decided on october 23 to stop this weird habit. I tried few times in the past but actually didn't have all this informations about effects of porn in our life. So i relapsed...until i red about some of you trying to fight this "drug".

So now i'm on my path to reboot and since it was clear in my head that i was doing it wrong it was way easier (opendns and lot of work,study,getting busy helped too). So it's been 60 days today. Yeayyyyyyyy !

It felt really good and i was so proud in the beginning. I also feel like a normal person and must admit i'm way better/normal in my relations with people (family, friends). Less social anxiety i guess as it's exposed.

One thing is i don't experience huge urges like some of you do. Since around day 20, i was on a looooong flatline, even today i can't sense the testosterone giving me a harsh time. None of that so i don't know, sometimes i have a good wood by period and feel tempted to find hot pics of girls (no porn, not even naked) but i'm not annoyed by this all day like some of you would. I red that this flatline can last very long like a year so i'll wait and see.

Here's the main question:
Some of you succeed on rebooting. That's we're here for ok. But after that ?
Married men can enjoy really good sex with wives, fullfill physcial needs, feeling real happiness.

BUT what about single men ? porn was just a great product of substitution because of having no girlfriend. I used to PMO, felt empty and thus no needs to find a girl..

Honestly in my case, i'm single since two years and by this time with christmas and stuff i feel damn alone seeing all these couples getting things ready and buying stuff, taking care of each others. I thought briefly about finding a hot video and let it go but that would be dumb.That's a shame i'm 29 and i feel like a old single dude.

How did you manage to find a girlfriend ? or at least working on yourself to be the most attractive you could possibly be ? any advices ?

Jdw11193 · Dec 23, 2015

For me when I stopped pmo in January, confidence came along with it. Maybe it's because I knew I was one of the very few guys giving into the temptation of porn. I didn't feel it made me better than them, but it did make me feel like I had an advantage. I started talking to girls with that confidence and it led to me meeting the girl who is now my fiancée. And I'm a christian, I was longing for a girlfriend for a long time but I felt like God was telling me I wasn't ready while I was stuck on porn. So I beat it, and now I'm engaged. Maybe that's your next step!

Lesoldat · Dec 24, 2015

Many thanks for the time you took to share your story. I strongly agree with confidence i feel more centered since i stopped everything.Also remove porn from my life already changed my vision of women, i used to see them as "objects" sexually talking but they're just like us with a different mindset and body. I'm glad you had the luck to find a good girl along the road i hope i'll be "lucky" enough too

Ultra Zork · Dec 24, 2015

Nofap will improve your life. Just be patient.
May the force be with you

Lesoldat · Dec 24, 2015

Ultra Zork said: ↑

Nofap will improve your life. Just be patient.
May the force be with you
Click to expand...

I will. Thanks buddy.

MellowSchizo · Dec 26, 2015

I was deep into porn and hentai a few months back. I moaned about being single and not having a girlfriend but it didn't really matter that much to me, since I kept on jerking off every single day.

Now after starting NoFap and sticking to it for these past six months women are starting to look more attractive to me. And I'm learning that there's more to a relationship, that it's about connecting with another person on so many different levels that just the physical and sexual.

I'm also not as gung-ho as before about getting a girlfriend. I know that I need a lot of improvement on my part before that can happen. I've also learned that there are more things to life that just chasing after the opposite sex and the act of sex itself.. It took going PMO free to make me realize that last part.

The only advice I can give is that really, really think about it before getting into a relationship. Love is great and all, and it does make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but it's important to take into consideration the person you've fallen in love with, his/her personality, quirks, habits, etc. to ensure that you and whoever chosen can really click together in the long run.

I had a huge crush on this girl back in college. She was cute, funny and quirky. Eventually she just wanted to stay friends with me After clearing up my mind from PMO I've learned that though we share the same hobbies and interests, we wouldn't really see eye to eye on other things which could cause some disagreements in the future should something happen between us.

Unless of course long term isn't what you're looking for, in which case I can't really help you much there brother.

MellowSchizo · Dec 26, 2015

Dev-abc said: ↑

I personally don't think you truly know anyone (or yourself - fully), until you have lived together, shared the same space (and not on an ad-hoc basis) - and even then ... you can still surprise each other.
Click to expand...

I agree with you on that part. Sometimes you'd learn more about yourself and your partner the more you spend time together.

And you do need to take risks and chances when it comes to getting into a relationship. Thinking about jumping off that cliff and actually jumping off the cliff are two completely different experiences.

andreasGER · Dec 26, 2015

I asked myself the same question.
And what I found is freedom. I live to be free and "just" me. For me, there is no ther my way to live my life now. Like everything in life, it comes and goes, what stays is you. It is easy to fall into the trap of porn or relationship, no relationship, then porn as substitute. I did it for years and neither did me any good because I wasnt ready, I wasnt me. I was a long way from being the man I wanted and needed to be.
So I started nofap, got into therapy and I really feel me and my evolution; until someday I am who I wanna be. And the rest will follow because I am able to pursue my dreams and none elses. I try to exclude all negative thoughts (when? how long? ...) all that stuff that makes me weak and depressed. I solely focus on what is good in my life and try to grow it as much as I can.

nomo · Dec 26, 2015

Finding the company of a girlfriend would be a main objective of mine too if I were single. I would try a dating site or two, I know two couples who are married or soon to be married that met through a dating site. It's easier than trying to find a girl in a bar. A bar being one of the worst places in my opinion unless you go there with friends and happen to run into a girl there by chance.
The second thing I would do is become very active socially: volunteer for a charity, find things that interest you on meetup.com, just get active and you find many women out there also looking for a man.
Good luck and as others said, be patient. It will happen as long as you stay active.

Headspace · Dec 26, 2015

Lesoldat said: ↑

Some of you succeed on rebooting. That's we're here for ok. But after that ?
Married men can enjoy really good sex with wives, fullfill physcial needs, feeling real happiness.

BUT what about single men ? porn was just a great product of substitution because of having no girlfriend. I used to PMO, felt empty and thus no needs to find a girl..
Click to expand...

If you aren't happy when you're single, you won't be happy in a relationship either. That is because in order to love someone else, you first have to love yourself, that is, be at peace with yourself.

In a relationship you will not only receive love, but also give a lot, love, time, energy. As for me, I want a girl who is truly worth this.

I avoid dating sites at all costs because I don't like the reduced kind of communication one uses during chatting. My experience with women (and also male friends) I met online is that you build up expectations which will remain unfulfilled. It's easy to hide your weaknesses online. On the other hand, you quickly create an idealized picture of that awesome person you are chatting with in your brain, which can be hard to let go of once it is established. But may be that's just me.

Just be yourself, enjoy yourself, be happy, and you will meet the right one eventually.

Lesoldat · Dec 26, 2015

Of course i could never compare a girl with porn. I just mentionned that fact that since i broke up with my exgirlfriend (and even when i was with her in the end, and that's sad i recognize it) i used to pmo because of having no real sexual relationship. Despite the fact i pmo while my story with this girl, i loved her and gave her everything i could. This include buying a lot of things to her : guys remember this, even if it's not to buy love from the girl, never spend too much money for a women you'll be perceived as low value/weak.

As i read all of you, i can see that you all agree on the fact that we're here to rebuild ourselves. Mostly for us single guys because through porn we just were hiding to avoid this real life situation where find a great girl is not that simple, i'm not talking about a random girl we would love because we don't feel we have the choice or power to get what we really want.

So first thing, love ourselves, every moment in the present (not waiting for specific "it will be better when..." or the past "wow this was so great i wish i had.." ) and improve everyday.
I also strongly agree that we don't need girlfriends, no we don't, but it would be just really nice to find a great girl as well. Honestly it last two years with my exgirlfriend who was just hot and it was almost only pain because of jealousy, everyday rollercoaster and other shit so i know that beauty is really not the first criteria i'm looking for.. and you shouldn't too.

Since i NoFap i believe i'm on the right track, for real. I noticed that during these last two years as a single man, and because of bad habits and the fact i have lost confidence and other communication skills i wasn't able to meet and attract a girl. Why ? these girls just could see a poor guy needy as hell, they could read intentions on my forehead. I wasn't always like that.

Many guys say that sometimes you can see the change/ sparkles by involving in NoFap challenge with chicks. I'm witness of this. It's not since a long time for me (67 days tomorrow) and i can see many girls where i'm going a lot more smiley, they feel more confortable talking with me i'm not mad trust me.

I have a proof, a pretty crazy stuff: As many of you i have been out for shopping to get presents for christmas. In a women shop i had a real great discussion and fun with the girl that give advice to people. After that i had an other great time with a even hotter women in charge to cash-in for the stuff i bought (sorry for my english i'm french) so we discussed, some more fun, she was acting really nice and talked to me about the customers loyalty system... i know i know what you think, i though the same when i was leaving the shop ("she was nice she just wanted me to buy more things and come back blablabla..) BUT today i received a facebook request from this girl At first i accepted, but what to do next ? all these questions (should i send message first ? should i wait ?) i waited because she made the move to send request she has to initiate the contact then that's logic, am i right ?
She sent a message a little later i didn't read yet. ouffff
Yeah for sure i don't even know what she wants from me (friendship ? something else ? i don't really care she's wayyyyy out of my league honestly) and that's clearly her intimate profil, no commercial bullshit. But here's the thing, what are the odds for something like that to happen ? that's magical.

Sorry for the long post. And thanks to all of you answering and giving advices that's just cool. This community is full of good guys i'm glad i joined this movement. Enjoy the last days of this year, next will be awesome

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