NO PMO & Abstinent Relationship

Day 7 in the bag. Did some good things today i want to praise God for giving me wisdom. I started to fantasize and lust about my gf on my flight today. It’s common for me to think about her this way when flying. In order to combat it I would opwn the window, stare at the clouds and think about God’s creation. I also worked in my 12 step recovery devotional, and have moved to step 11! Praise God for that strength, and worth noting I’ve been off of P and p-subs for a year and 2 months now. Praise Jesus for real!!

Also, when spending time with my gf tonight, i moved away from her 3 times when i started to get aroused. That could be a winning strategy as we move forward. I’m feeling stronger about her as she is learning to respect me.

 

Day 8 in the bag- praise God. Kept busy (always good) and kept my mind out of lust. Fantasized slightly about my gf but checked out of that my moving away from her when i started becoming aroused. Good day, although not a lot of prayer. Gonna work on that now before bed.

 

DAY 9, big fight with gf today. She told me to ‘please get better at listening to me’ in a really accusatory tone. Originated partially from a bone-headed comment last night. I was just shocked because she adopted this venemous tone that really caught me off guard. I am extremely thin skinned and wish these thinga didn’t affect me. Maybe i can grow less sensetive? Idk

In terms of sexual integrity, fighting certainly brings make-up physicality. We kissed rather intensely at the gym, and i pushed her away. Hard mode. I feel i need to protect her from herself if we are really not going to fool around again till marriage.

 

Day 10 no pmo on hard made. Made it through the day. Went to celebrate recovery. I know i need to let the past be the past. I need to delight in my gf’s qualities and not her tiny flaws.

 

DAY 11 in the bag praise God! I started lusting today about my gf. Not sure what triggered it. Things always seem more difficult when my MO day counter is in the double digis. As I learned in my 12 step, i should yield to growth! Be renewed by the transforming of my mind!

I’m going to end the day in prayer and ask that God forgive me for lusting and help alleviate temptation for me tomorrow.

 

DAY 12 in the bag praise God! I’m feeling lustful but I’m going to fight back by working step 11 in my 12 step.

 

Day 13 in the bag praise God. My girl is upstairs showering now (we’re at her parents house). Hard mode. We’re about to watch a movie alone so it will be extra hard. But i know i need to protect her from herself. That starts with praying with her and talking about Love & Respect which we’re reading through now.

 

I never would have been able to stop P without Cr man. Some of my best friends are in there. I do a 12 step program there too.

 

Day 14 in the bag no pMO on hard mode. Need strength and peace to be disciplined with my gf tomorrow. I must protect her.

 

Day 15 in the bag. Tired but i stepped up like a man tonight and reminded my gf we weren’t going to fool around.

 

Well ladies and gents, I’m back to day 1. I O’d with my girlfriend.

 

DAy 2 in the bag praise God. Not surprisingly i had lustful thoughts about my girlfriend allllllllllll day. I needs to pray to avoie lust. That’s what jesus did prolly.

 

Day 3 in the bag, praise God. I saw my gf, soon to be fiancé, tonight. Again we’re on hard mode. There is so much attraction between us. We have a hard time keeping our hands off eachother. I need God to deliver me from temptation because I cannot do it on my own. Ring shopping on Friday.

 

DAy 4 in the bag, praise God. Was pretty diligent in prayer, although got extremely lustful after work. I prayed for help and God came through.t

 

Day 5 done, praise God. My gf did an incredibly goos job today of reminding me that we are waiting for marriage. We are seeing a mentor couple tomorrow. Should be buying a ring soon.

 

DAy 6 done praise God. God is rewarded me for getting on my knees and praying every night. It’s incredible. I was with my gf almost all day and faced almost no temptation. Tomorrow will be more difficult. No urges to MO today either. Also spoke with a mentor couple more about marriage. We’re feeling more confident, especially me. I really lovw who she is and want to make her my wife. I also want to nail her, but postponing that urgw.

I felt disrespected this morning when she lovked me out of the car, and talked about how haIry my back is (lol) in front of her mom. But we talked about it and i asked if i was doing anythinf unloving. I think by making myselt vulnerable it was easier for her to ask forgiveness. Wow i think we will have a great marriage.

 

Day 7 done praise God! I’ve noticed a huge correlation between a LACK of temptation and praying the prior day before sleep. Step 11 is “We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and power to carry that out.“

I found my temptation almost completely alleviated with nightly prayer. For example, today my gf was wearing a dress and looked stunningly beautiful. I prayed last night that God would aleviate my temptation. BTW i know thats a legit prayer as it was part of Jesus’ “the Lord’s Prayer” (lead me not into temptation but deliver me from evil). I had my hand on my girlfriend’s bare leg/thigh. Ordinarily that would send me to the roof and prompt me to provoke her sexually. However God kept those feelings from me. Maybe you call it ‘flatlining’ but it felt like protection.

 

Day 8 done praise God. Starts to get challenging tomorrow as i travel for business. Always tempted to lust over my gf on airplanes.