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No girlfriend, I need advices

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by ea1432, Jan 7, 2018.

  1. ad vera amoris

    ad vera amoris Fapstronaut

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    I agree that it is very important to channel energies into finding other interests, hobbies, and outlets so that the focus is not only on women, and to avoid the desperation vibe.

    At the same time, when I have read or heard similar things, I get a bit upset as well, because many (most?) males have a very powerful drive for sex, as well as simply for physical touch/intimacy.

    It is probably close to as strong as our biological urge to eat, which results in hunger when we do not eat.

    If you are a man who has had little or no sex or physical touch with women, it is probably always going to be a feeling to MANAGE, but it cannot be eliminated, and unfortunately, it can feel worse the longer men go without, similar to the increased hunger and obsession with finding food which goes with hunger and starvation.

    I wish that, among other things, our culture and women in particular would allow for some compassion for this aspect of the "male" condition. Our desperation could be considered a form of understandable pain and even suffering.

    We are not simply choosing to be "Pigs" for having this hunger; it is hard-wired into us biologically. Sure, we need to keep it in check, and not abuse or use power unjustly to find it, but it is part of male reality.

    And yes, our culture's openness, and the ubiquity of female beauty in our media and in fashion does make this worse by keeping it in our minds. (This is the argument for avoiding porn, but avoiding our society as a whole is not so easy.)

    It even makes me wonder if Masturbation without porn might still, for some, be a periodically useful coping tool to make us less desperate?; but I would have to consult the science and this whole NOFAP world to be able to say that could be so, and I don't wish to disrespect the philosophy here before knowing more and trying it. Just some initial thoughts. Thanks.
     
    Vulkan likes this.
  2. Vulkan

    Vulkan Fapstronaut

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    In my case, I have the impression that the drive for sex is stronger than for eating - if I have to starve or not PMO for the same amout of time, then starving seems to be less hard. I relapsed after only 2 days, man this is hard, I am afraid I will not make it.
     
  3. Porn Killer

    Porn Killer Fapstronaut

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    Yo dude I empathize. I’m 24 been single for 7 years. Only girlfriends I’ve ever had dump me for someone “better” or just straight up cheated on me.

    Most recent girl that I had strong feelings and got along with really well for is now dating my best friend (though neither of them knew I had feels for her, so I’m not mad at them, it just hurts)

    I don’t fit it with anyone it seems and I have always been “the shoulder”, ”best friend”, “the big brother”, “place holder”. It sucks

    I actually was just trying to convince myself this morning that I don’t need someone to be happy. But it’s always nice to feel wanted
     
  4. ad vera amoris

    ad vera amoris Fapstronaut

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    That said, the last thing I would wish is to derail your goals. Stay strong brother! I am brand new here, and I am sure there are 1,000's who were able to accomplish your goal, in spite of what I wrote. I have much to learn about how to manage it as well.

    I hope to read some of those who only abstain from Porn, instead MO entirely. For me that may be more realistic at first, but I need to learn more.

    For now, yes, it is probably the strongest urge to resist, if you are used to it. Good luck. I imagine physical activity is some of the best immediate remedies, or something very cathartic like singing or playing music, etc.
     
  5. Vulkan

    Vulkan Fapstronaut

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    I will give everything now to make it, at least I didn´t binge today and cooled down. Before I fapped like 7 times a day for hours, so at least it got better, but this is clearly not enough.
    I also believe it is more realistic not to abstain from O entirely, I believe it is even beneficial if we rewire to real females.

    Now I set up more filter software to help me and I will do the 21 day challenge.
     
  6. ea1432

    ea1432 Fapstronaut

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    I think everyone have need someone for be happy, humans are not here for be alone.

    For me Nofap challenge is just a way for get girlfriend more quickly and for have a behavior more sexual with girls but nothing more, i think porn is just here for relieve the sexual misery. but personally i don't want only sex i want a real relationship with a girl who love me.
     
    Vulkan likes this.
  7. Porn Killer

    Porn Killer Fapstronaut

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    It’s different for me. I’m waiting till marriage for sex. Nofap is to help me quit porn and have better self control.

    And what I mean by I don’t need anyone to be happy is that I should be content and happy with or without someone else. But to each his own :)
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. David stone

    David stone Fapstronaut

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    Good advice brother, i recommend the same
     
    Vulkan likes this.
  9. ReZen8ster

    ReZen8ster Fapstronaut

    I think of it this way. “ Those who mind your a Virgin don’t matter. Those who matter, don’t mind”. If people don’t accept you for who you are fuck em.
     
  10. ReZen8ster

    ReZen8ster Fapstronaut

    In my experience every time I tried to go get or pick up women it did not go well. But times I just went out to do my thing I met women.

    Here’s some advice. Don’t fap. Exercise. Stop watching so much tv or video games.

    Go out. Join a meet up, go to church, join a club, find some friend ms with common interest.

    Stop Feeling sorry for yourself! Nobody did this to you. Don’t be a victim. Your thought and habits got you to where you are today. Develop confidence, and imagine yourself with a girlfriend and work on improving yourself.

    Take care of yourself. Get in shape. Get a haircut. But yourself a suit and nice shoes, put on some cologne and man up. Read some books on self improvement.

    Mostly get out there and live life. Someone some girl somewhere is probably just as shy and awkward and self conscious as you are and you were meant for each other.

    Good luck go get them you handsome devil!
     
  11. ReZen8ster

    ReZen8ster Fapstronaut

    We are all composed of 4 aspects of our character - physical, social, intellectual, spiritual.

    If your not attracting girls try to improve in all of these areas.

    Physical- shower, shave, clean your skin. Exercise! Stay groomed. Cut your nails, wear deodorant. Exercise lose the fat, gain some muscle. But even more important the exercise will provide you with endorphins and hep you be confident and happy.

    Social- develop relationships with people. Go out with coworkers, have dinner with family and friends. Learn how to have a conversation and ask questions. Build a circle network of people you trust m. Start with family, then friends, and then romance. Join a club or go to events to meet people

    Intellectual- read And learn about self improvement. Read and learn about what interests you the most . It’s very attractive to women a man who is passionate about something in his life. Learn and develop your passion. Learn and develop your character and mind.

    Spiritual- meditate, visualize, and be of service to others. Do yoga, go to church, have faith, pray or discover whatever it is that bigger than you and develop your relationship with that.

    Women won’t fall into your lap. You need to work a little bit to get them. It’s a dance. Like a hunter you need to sharpen your tools and be ready to take the shot. Until then work on building and developing your character, confidence, charisma, interests, intellect, and charm.
     
  12. eagerUser

    eagerUser Fapstronaut

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    ConeOn. You are putting yourself in an aweful situation.
    I totally understands what you are saying.
    You must feel satisfied with your loneliness first then you may have Gf.
    If you look for a hero she may come someday to save you but she may also leave someday.
    Never ever make someone your hero. I have done the same mistake by putting her in the center of my attention but after all she said: I am not good enough for you!
    The way you talk shows your desperetion and thats what kills a relationship!
     
  13. Icandoit.

    Icandoit. Fapstronaut

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    I had been in the same situation. I felt very lonely, especially when I had started my Journey of NoFap. But now I feel ok. My self esteem is going up and I am feeling more energetic. Now sometime I go out in the market and just talk with random people or girl to socialize with the people. Previously I dated some girls but didn't end up with sex because I feel there are two reasons 1. I am nice which give a signal of needy most of the time. 2. One of the drawback of PMO that your relations are ruined and you consider man/women an object, Believe me Women are so sharp in judging the person they can read your mind so easily we can't even notice.
    I am reading different articles and books to improve my social skills. Now a days I am reading two new books.
    1. how to win friends and influence people.
    2. The flinch.
    If you have time read these, It will help you in some way.
    Good luck.
     
  14. kirlu72

    kirlu72 Fapstronaut

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    I was like you at that age, now I am 42, married and have 3 children. Try to meet more people in real life or internet, go to events, do sport in team (mixed team ...) ... without the aim to meet your lover but to meet people. Be yourself and not the one you think you should be to please a girl. I really hope that one girl, the good one, will see you. I know it is difficult to live but keep optimistic and keep opened to the others.

    Be carefull with porn, I used it to relief - in fact I was already porn addicted - before meeting my wife, that addiction didn't stopped after meeting her, marrying her and having children ! I have luck that my addiction didn't break my couple (sad stories about that on NoFap forum), I want my couple to continue, that's why I am here , to reboot and preserve my couple.

    Goob luck
     
  15. gsherman100

    gsherman100 Fapstronaut

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    I my self am a straight 25 y/o guy. I am a virgin, never dated, never kissed a girl in my life. Not even on the cheak.

    And I don’t give two flying fucks.

    I wouldn’t want anything more then to spend time with a woman I love. Women may be quite incredible, you have to also understand your only 20 and have many more years ahead of you.
     
  16. Onehope

    Onehope Fapstronaut



    You need to work on yourself before you get together with someone.

    If you're on nofap it means you are probably trying to quit porn, so you need to focus on this 100%.

    Learn to love being single, it helps to self discover, and self love and appreciation. You clearly dont because you admitted crying to alone.

    Do things to improve yourself, work out, go to the gym, dress better, talk to people every day so your social skills improve.

    Go out and have fun on your own, meet new people, socialize.

    During this process you will feel better with yourself, and you will eventually meet a girl who is going to love you for who you are.

    So dont rush, dont envy others, just improve yourself and everything else will unfold.
     
  17. BackUp_up

    BackUp_up Fapstronaut

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    Sometimes, It's better to be alone. Bro, being in a relationship isn't easy. You will go through so much ups & down for which you aren't ready. You know why? Bc you are involved in PMO. Just get out of it and let the time heal. You will find someone surely. If you think getting a gf is all about kissing or, having sex then sorry my friends. It's more about emotion. ✌️
     

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