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no clue but know I am sick

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by rebootingat30, Mar 19, 2018.

  1. rebootingat30

    rebootingat30 New Fapstronaut

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    I find myself here after a very long 2 months of agony mostly created by my mind. I was first introduced to P shortly after my Dad died when I was 9.. Since then I have been using PMO to numb myself from all of this unexplainable pain in my life..eventually I was introduced to Drugs and Alcohol as a Freshman in high school..after that I joined the Air Force because I was a poor student and I wanted to join.. Eventually I found myself in Korea at 21 as a virgin and in the bars you could take the girls home or a hotel and LOST my virginity that way.. All the while carrying around the same but now more heavy pain I always kept porn around to numb myself from ever growing as a person and too ashamed I never asked for help..I am now almost a full year removed from the Air Force and I am a College student and living off of the GI Bill benefits for income as well as a part time Grocery job. I have recently been overwhelmed by my pain, depression and now with out the steady military job have a fear (anxiety) for my unwritten future...This all started to really crush me during spring break but I had been searching for ways to find help with my depression.. Long story short I believe God has entered my life now and he knows I need this help. I haven't drank alcohol since February 16th and I haven't used PMO since March 11th. My body right now feels sick like I have some drug addiction, I don't feel the need to use P as much as I just want to M and O. How do I stop myself and not break my will. I have started to go to church this Sunday was my first one and it was amazing for me and powerful. Later that day after speaking to the Pastor he told me about these groups for all kinds of addictions. I went to one and it was a mixed bag of men that have had issues with addictions. This was also helpful but today sure enough I feel my body wanting to M and O and I am scared. I want to recondition my mind and break these chains and thank God I found nofap...please give me some sage newbie advice.. I know my story is long but I am dealing with 21 years of agonizing pain and no human deserves that..
     
  2. CrimsnBlade

    CrimsnBlade Fapstronaut

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    Congratulations on joining, and welcome!

    The good part is the longer you resist those urges, the easier they get to resist. The hardest part is the beginning. I know something that helped me was I tried to start finding other hobbies, things I could get into, especially work I could do with my hands to distract me from sitting there thinking about PMO. There are tons of things you can try. Read a book, go outside and go for a walk, join a local sports club or a men's bible study since you just started going to church. Volunteer with the church or with community groups. The more you fill your time with these new hobbies and things to distract you, the more you'll find fulfillment in who you are.

    Since you are a Christian, always remember to pray. All the time. One thing your addiction shows is that you need God, and he's there. Rely on him to give you the strength to succeed, and use that strength to overcome your temptations and urges. Remember also to keep your perspective farther out than the now. See the results and consequences of your actions before you do them, and you'll see that they're not quite as appealing as you thought they were. You are at the beginning, just like a lot of us were and still are. We're here for you as well.

    There is a ton of good information on this site as well, from knowledge about addictions to finding accountability partners and everything else. There's always someone here that is going through what you've gone through, so you're not alone. Welcome to the community, you can defeat this!

    Good luck!
     
    xeon1993 and rebootingat30 like this.
  3. rebootingat30

    rebootingat30 New Fapstronaut

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    thank you so much for helping me..I'm feeling bad because I need to work on school and I need the internet to do so..this makes me so angry man..I want to give up and give in to my stupid mind's cravings but I know if I want any type of personal growth I can't relapse...
     
    xeon1993 likes this.
  4. CrimsnBlade

    CrimsnBlade Fapstronaut

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    Do you have a laptop? If so do your homework in a public place where the screen is visible to everyone around. That's a big deterrent. I work in an office with cubicles and I purposely point my screens to where everyone in the office can see them at any moment.

    Always think of your triggers and be aware of your situations. If you know where your weaknesses are, you'll know what to avoid in the future.
     
  5. rebootingat30

    rebootingat30 New Fapstronaut

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    ok I will go do this..I struggle with isolation so this is all part of my sickness..I need to get out of my house and in the publics eye more.. thank you for that perspective
     
    CrimsnBlade likes this.
  6. CrimsnBlade

    CrimsnBlade Fapstronaut

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