New to NoFap, not to the struggle

Hi all, my name is Ferney and I am a Porn addict.

I'm 23 and I've been addicted to PMO for the better part of last 10 years. Even worse, I have been "trying to quit" for the past 3-4 years. The longest I lasted was about 3 weeks but I would be lying to myself if I said I didn't "accidentally" click on a few more-than-revealing photos online.

I am in a relationship with a gorgeous girl. We've been together for almost 3 years; I've confessed to her about my addiction and she took it in the best way possible. She was always supportive, although she was a bit uncomfortable in approaching the subject whenever she was curious to see how I was handling it at any given time.

I moved countries for her, and due to visa issues...I am unemployed and living with her and her parents until I can work again. To say I feel emasculated by my situation is putting it lightly. I fall back to PMO to cope with stress, feelings of failure and inadequacy, jealousy, resentment, and even loneliness.

I struggle like, probably, a lot of you.

• I've had ED issues. The first time I was with my GF sexually, I could not get an erection. To this day, even while we fool around, my head stays soft. It's so embarrassing...even in a long term relationship

• I have no drive. I never want to "do" anything...even with my GF.
• I can't focus. I always thought that this was just how I was...but I suspect (and I hope) it has to do with my addiction
• I don't ever want to be around people. Since moving to her country(1.5 yrs ago), I haven't made any friends...and frankly, I make no effort to.
• I'm insecure. I don't consider myself below average in virtually any aspect(which probably means more than if I actually am below Avg) but man, my confidence is shot. I get jealous with my GF a lot; as you can imagine, she gets a lot of attention from other guys.
• Man, I just feel like a loser.

I feel like I owe my GF and myself more than this. I don't want this to haunt me for the rest of my life. I don't want to struggle with this starting a life with my GF. I don't want the shame of being a PMO addict; the stigma around it doesn't help.

This morning, I indulged in PM. So, I guess today is day one. I always think "this can be the last time" or "six months from today, it will be six months PM-free".

I hope I can do it.

 

Well, I browsed through some of the resources on here and picked up a few useful tips. I stay off the computer when I don't need to be on it. I should get out of bed as soon as I wake up and away from it until I go to sleep.

I also think being on here might give me a sense of accomplishment and remission. I do feel better by just confessing in my intro post.

 

You're right. I should definitely do that. I am never going back. Thank you