New to forums and married

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by JayDawg1990, May 23, 2019.

  1. JayDawg1990

    JayDawg1990 New Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone, I'm new here. I found this site a while back, but didn't join because I thought I could change on my own. As you guys probably know, I was wrong. Im 28 and have been addicted to porn for around 16 years. Got married at 22 and my wife asked me right after we got married if I ever looked at porn. I couldn't lie to my new wife and told her. Lost her trust and made the first couple years of marriage extra tough. I lasted a while without looking at anything, but when I finally relapsed I couldn't tell her. So I've been lying for 5 years. She asked me again yesterday and I finally decided to stop lying to her. She wants to leave me, so this site is part of my final effort to keep her.
     
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  2. Freddiefox

    Freddiefox Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to the community. Sorry to hear about your current situation but don't let that stop you from healing.
     
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  3. 220woof671

    220woof671 Fapstronaut

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    Ever lusted..... Focus on her ……. Same Questions etc...….

    Here's an exercise to help 'level the playing field'.

    Ask her is she has ever lusted at (male Rockstars; Hollywood Movie actors; attractive men wearing Speedos, went to a porn site, etc.). See if you can get her to admit her errors-humanness. Then ask her to give you details. Focus on her to the extent she focuses on you. (Same # of questions; same amount of time. Same advisement to her, "Well, we may need a separation until you get better.) Perhaps advise her men have to deal with Testosterone 100% of the time... everyday … every week... every month... for the rest of our lives? Females only have deal with 'testosterone' for a 2-3 days during her period. Ask her what it would "feel" like if she'd like to battle Testosterone 100% of the time? She also may "feel" hurt due to not feeling she can compete with attractive porn stars. Good luck




    Free Tips to Check Out:

    Benefits of No PMO:

    1. No social anxiety; 99% of time relaxed, calm, cool; easier to be sociable. If I do start to get nervous I think, "What do I have to be fearful about?" And I get calm in about 1-2 seconds.
    2. More attention from opposite gender -- without trying
    3. No brain fog; can concentrate easily. Can think clearer under pressure.
    4. Increased motivation to get things done.
    5. More Stamina -- can hang in their longer at work (be tough) and complete projects; can work overtime, while others can't
    6. No fears; high levels of testosterone = strength and don't take bs. (No one has messed with me in 52 days +.)
    7. More time for good/productive things. Not wasting time going to phony porn sites; fapping to pixels; lusting, etc.
    8. Women/men increasingly become less of a priority or need.
    9. Improved Confidence -- (online comment) "porn and masturbation lowers your self-esteem and confidence"
    10. More Respectable -- (online comment) "if you resist the urge to masturbate -- a practice that is generally condemned -- you are likely to feel more respect for yourself; and others will respect you more." We all can quickly tell if a man or woman is fapping ... nervous ... weak … fearful … has shame [trying to hide something] …
    10. Improved Creativity and Resourcefulness

    *Not all days are wonderful. Somedays are so-so ...… many are common... some are difficult due to "flat line"... But who wants to go backwards -- to weakness, shame and disrespecting yourself, etc.?
    Y-o-u can change! Y-o-u are 100% in control. Y-o-u call the shots!


    Tips to Successfully handle Urges or Temporary Temptations:

    #1 Secret = Get Off Your Heineken and Go Outside [temptations usually only last 10-20 min] 2- Go on NoFap and make a post; or "like" some posts; or give advice 3- Listen to and Dance to your favorite music (fun and gets rid of excess energy) 4- Exercise, go to gym, go for a walk 5- Go to mall and talk with women (or men for females) 6- Go to store and buy yourself a reward/gift/treat (small daily; medium weekly; large monthly) 7- Do your favorite hobby 8- Call, email or go visit a friend 9- Go walk a wonderful dog "Woof!" 10 - Have a "WHATEVER IT TAKES" attitude or mindset 11- Do a good deed for someone (extra points if they don't know who did it) 12- Take a break; take a nap (remind yourself that you are 100% in control and 100% responsible for your behavior-actions) 13- All Things Are Possible 14 - Positive personal hygiene (brush teeth; shower) keeps your self-esteem high 15 - Fasting (water only) has many health benefits; a 1/2 day or more fast will help you have more self control 16 - Taking it one day at a time, one urge at a time makes your goal more manageable & successful.

    A great way to have SUCCESS over urges or temptations is to make a quick LIST OF GOALS and OPTIONS. (Just make a quick list -- you can add to it later.) Then read the GOALS and OPTIONS when you are tempted. (I made a simple list the first week -- now it's a habit -- like a memory.) In a sense, you want to 'hold a knife' to the throat [carotid artery -- side of neck] of your 'feelings.' You are the boss -- you tell them what to do. If your 'feelings' disagree with your goals (No PMO, self respect, power) -- tell your 'feelings' where to go. You can call your list: STUD LIST, SPECIAL FORCES LIST, LIST OF OPTIONS, etc. (whatever works for you.)

    APPLICATION = SUCCESS !!!!!!!
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2019
  4. Always be positive

    Always be positive Fapstronaut

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