Back in November was D-day for myself and my SO, my whole story is posted on the forum if you want to read it for context. So much has happened since I last posted, I haven't been regular on the forum for some time, just ignorance I suppose. Thought I could handle it myself after a while, and got lazy in my recovery steps. Since my last post, I quit my remote mining job and took on a roofing job in the town my SO and I lived in. We found out shortly after I took on the roofing job that she had been offered a job for a much better wage with far superior benefits in a different town (about a 14 hour drive away). We accepted the offer and moved up to the north of BC to start a new life. I got a job in a tire shop the first day I went looking for work, and she started to settle happily into her new position. In the second week we were here, (going into week 4 now) she had to go to a class for work out of town for Sunday, Monday, home Tuesday. One morning, after she left, and after about 220 days of recovery, I relapsed in the shower. No P involved, just a good memory of a night we'd shared a day or two before. I felt ashamed of myself and disappointed immediately. Part of our recovery plan was for me to call her of I was feeling any urges and talk about it instead of following through, and even if it did happen, call her right away and talk about why this had happened. In my shame and embarrassment and being we were both already stressed from something else, and our move, I chose to with hold the information and not tell her about what had happened. Last night in bed my SO asked me about my sobriety, and if there was anything she should know. I told her that I had relapsed in the shower. She was very upset, logically so, this is a direct betrayal of her trust. In the aftermath of my poor decisions, instead of being understanding of her feelings and trying to come up with some sort of solution to this landmine I threw into our lives, I was argumentative and confrontational over text, last night also. I don't deal with negative pressure well, and I tend to turn into myself a little and think of only what's making ME upset, and how I feel about this, which is absolutely wrong. I've just hurt the woman I love, and put her in extreme anguish, I need to be sympathetic and proactive with coming up with ideas how to not let this happen again. So here I sit now, the beginning of a new plan to overcome my selfish tendencies and not allow myself to fall back into the shady lifestyle I want to be over. I will post a new journal entry daily to keep myself accountable to something positive. I'm looking for help, anyone who'd be interested or willing to talk about an accountability partnership, please feel free to message me.