New Here

Hello all I am Jónsi, I have joined today as I need to break the cycle of PMO. This post may turn out to be long i'm not sure yet as I am using this post to articulate my thoughts and help you and myself understand how I have come to this point.

This is really not easy for me as someone who has had issues with my mental health (diagnosed OCD & Anxiety/Bipolar II) to discuss these things in such an open forum however i need to get this out to accept the situation i'm in and hopefully begin to move forward.

The story starts in my formative years as I was raised within the Jehovah's Witnesses, most people from the outside see them as those quirky ones that knock on your door and don't celebrate Christmas. However they are a very dangerous cult, I won't go into large details about this as it's not hugely important to why I'm here besides the fact that you are brought up in an environment of extreme sexual repression i.e. everything apart from consensual sex between two married adults for the purpose of procreation is a mortal sin basically. This is without a doubt where the problems started as when I was about 16 I left having decided that it definitely wasn't for me I didn't believe any of the indoctrination they wanted me too and i didn't like the atmosphere of fear and repression.

The problem is as a 16 year old at the time i suddenly found myself without the restrictions the religion put on me, this inevitably led to me starting to do all the things i was never allowed to i.e. Underage drinking & partaking in recreational drugs. Now add to that the emergence of a much more reliable and beginning of high speed internet to a sexually repressed teenager and all of a sudden Pornography was a hugely available outlet for all that repression. This was further worsened by my total and utter ineptitude with the opposite sex as I had never really learnt how to talk to them due to the fact that as a JW you weren't to fraternise with the opposite sex without chaperones and any prolonged conversations with the opposite sex would immediately be construed as interest in "courtship".

Fast forward a bunch of years to where I am today and I've had relationships but none of them lasting or in some cases particularly healthy. I have over the past couple of weeks started to come to terms with the idea that I have an unhealthy addiction to Porn (all of which is made worse by the self loathing that comes with OCD). I have gone from someone who when I first started out a pair of breasts would be enough to someone who is increasingly pushing the boundaries of Porn just to keep myself interested and I no longer like the person I've become or the direction I was heading.

Therefore starting today I have decided that I need to abstain from PMO having done research primarily around this website 90 days seems to be a good target to try to aim for. I am under no illusions to the fact that this will be easy as someone who has had to give up past addictions I know this will not be the case. I hope however this will be the reboot I need to start moving back into a direction I'm happy with and hopefully begin to form actual meaningful healthy relationships with people.

If you made it this far thanks for listening.

Jónsi

 

Thanks Peter having looked around these boards for a little while I'm quite convinced i'm joining a decent community.