new here with an awful sexual history

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by califtom, Jan 2, 2019.

  1. califtom

    califtom Fapstronaut

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    I was oblivious to the effects porn has had on my life now and since adolescence until very recently. I read a few articles about the dopamine effect and my inability to recreate that euphoria when having real sex. I now experience ED and am mostly unable to have sex with my wife. My sexual history is riddled with countless partners from everything to one night stands, internet hook ups and prostitutes. I'm a decent looking guy but reached the point where sex with good looking women was too normal. I devolved to where I was more attracted to overweight or ugly women. Porn always starts the obsession that becomes uncontrollable. Sometimes I wish I never have sex again as deviant sex or fantasizing about is the only thing that arouses me. I don't want to cheat on my wife any longer or make others sad by lying to them.
     
    starsky2 and vanilla gorilla52 like this.
  2. BravelyKegger

    BravelyKegger Fapstronaut

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    If i was in your position i would abstain from sex for atleast 3 months, if you want to change than you need to flush all the filth out.
     
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  3. johnwiks

    johnwiks Fapstronaut

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    If i were you, I would abstain from porn, masturbation, and sex for a solid 3-4 months. Tell your wife about your issues involving porn addiction. It needs to be done.
     
    Skyfall1125 likes this.
  4. Djam-23

    Djam-23 Fapstronaut

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    When you go to start Nofap?.. start with me dude!
     
  5. BravelyKegger

    BravelyKegger Fapstronaut

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    i would mention the cheating but that might get you a divorce, if it doesnt weigh on your conscience than you can keep it a secret,
     
  6. Jojo man

    Jojo man Fapstronaut

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    Porn does create abnormal obsession, but remember that that’s not you that acting out it’s the drug that your on which is the porn, start abstaining from porn and I’m pretty sure the obsession will decrease. Best of luck
     
    Djam-23 likes this.
  7. Djam-23

    Djam-23 Fapstronaut

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    I have a obsession with the start date i cant control
     
  8. califtom

    califtom Fapstronaut

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    I last watched porn and masturbated 3 days ago. I never really understood the connection to my sexual dysfunction until recently. To be honest I was actually afraid if I didn't masturbate I'd lose interest in sex altogether
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2019
  9. califtom

    califtom Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. yea its likes someone else takes over when I start scrolling through porn vids.
     
  10. vanilla gorilla52

    vanilla gorilla52 Fapstronaut

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    Hello my friend, thanks for sharing this. I feel like you. I am married and have to kids. No one knows about my addiction. I feel like a liar. I wish that I could loose my sexual desire. I always knew I had to stop this. But I didn’t knew how. luckily I found this community. This gives me so much strength and motivation. I am now on my 25 th day without pmo. I feel like I’m alive again. We can change our lives. Please fight with me my brother in mind.
     
    starsky2 likes this.
  11. califtom

    califtom Fapstronaut

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    yes living a secret is the worst thing. I also have two kids. I feel like I am cheating on them every time I engage in this poisonous behavior. I've tried to control it in keeping with just the porn, but the fact is its the jumping off point. I never know where I will end up. Its like alcoholism. Ive had a terrible time and have fantasized about suicide.
     
  12. vanilla gorilla52

    vanilla gorilla52 Fapstronaut

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    You are a precious person. Don’t give up. We can’t change our past. But we can decide what we are today. Please let us fight. We can make it.
     
  13. califtom

    califtom Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. I have refrained from any porn or masturbation for around 3 weeks now and I already feel different. My normal sexual cravings for normal sex are returning and I have no desire to engage in deviant sex. I'm feeling better about the possibilities going forward and in a much better place today.
     
    vanilla gorilla52 likes this.
  14. anewversion

    anewversion Fapstronaut

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    Absolutely not!

    For every bad day there are good ones.

    Winners will fail and get up. This is the warrior spirit.

    I posted this in another thread.

    Very motivational.

     
  15. vanilla gorilla52

    vanilla gorilla52 Fapstronaut

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    Great to hear this. Your brain will recover more and more when you stay away from your bad habits. But you have to install new good habits. Use your gotten new time and energy wisely. I am porn addicted since 35 years and I am without pmo since 35 days. My life improved so much. I can’t believe this. Of course it’s a hard fight every day. But I don’t want to exchange my new found life for pmo. Keep fighting my brother. You will improve your life.
     
    califtom likes this.
  16. califtom

    califtom Fapstronaut

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    Thank you very much. I do get alot of inspiration here. It literally is life and death for me because I do get suicidal thoughts after episodes.
     
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  17. vanilla gorilla52

    vanilla gorilla52 Fapstronaut

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    Please do nothing harmful to yourself. You are a precious person. I can understand your feelings. In my worst times I always woke up in the middle of the night telling me that I have to kill myself. Now I can feel a change in my thoughts the further/longer I stay away from my bad habits. I am not a therapist. Maybe you should seek professional help. But what I can promise you: We won‘t let you down. We are all here to help and motivate each other. We feel the same pain. But we can make it. If you fall, get up and try again.
     

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