New Fapstronaut, long time porn addict.

I'll get right to the point. I HAVE to do something. I've tried all kinds of things, mindfulness, talking to my pastor, listening to podcasts. But, I can still only goes days before I look at porn and masturbate.

I was exposed at age 5 with my dad bringing playboy magazines and calendars into the home. Then I found hardcore magazines in my brothers' room. In grade school my brother and I would sneak into the neighbors garage and steal his playboys. Deals were made with kids at school and trading of porn allowed us to amass a huge library of smut in our tree house.

It didn't help that my mother was physically and mentally abusive. My brother and I used porn as an escape.

In middle school my brother and I did inappropriate things to each other that still haunt me to this day.

It's funny because I HATE porn and the way that it makes me feel. Every time I'm done with PMO I feel like complete crap and can't figure out why I can't stop it. I know I have deep seeded problems from my childhood and I've been wired to accept porn as the way of dealing with it. It just seems like I'll never be free.

I'm now 40 years old and I haven't slowed down one bit. My wife is aware of my problem and is very supportive. She wants me to tell her when I mess up but I think it kills her a little every time I tell her.

Filters and accountability software don't work. I can find my way around them easily.

I'm appealing to whoever is reading this...please help me! I can't do this by myself. If someone out there can reach beyond themselves and commit to coming along side me and helping end this nightmare I would be eternally grateful.