New boyfriend, porn addict, help?

I'd say give it a few more weeks, and if by two months no-PMO he can't orgasm, then assume he's lying. Your concern is completely rational and justified. I suggest a little more patience, though, but if it's too painful, you have to do what's best for you.

 

It takes time. After 40-50 days, the sensitivity comes back and then it will be easier for him (I had the same problem)

 

I consider this bad advice.

 

Why? What do you suggest?

 

If he's never had a o with a real person that sounds like pied. In pied it can take up to 2 years to recover.. if you guys just started dating...
Well that's between the two of you.
He should try a hard mode reboot tho.
That's best for his brain and body..
A big break from release period.

 

Pied? You mean delayed ejaculation (DE)?

 

DE and PE and all the other penile dysfunctions as a result of porn is Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunctions
It's a spectrum.
But as long as it's FROM Porn and not depression or a health issue or something.. It's PIED

 

Ultimately regardless of what could fix this, and why he cannot achieve O in the bedroom; This is hurting your self esteem, it is unwarranted. No matter how charming, nice, well rounded.etc he is; if pornography has become habitual to the point of no sexual interest in a real partner, then your relationship is unhealthy. Clear indications being that your feeling bad about yourself, crying after intimate moments, and distrust.

I highly suggest telling him you want a break from the relationship, because it's taking a toll on you.
Don't think of this as being rude or taboo, no one wants to find a lifelong partner that cannot give you happiness in precious times of intimacy. He may say he loves you, and he truly could.. but from experience that's only a crutch when they have a million something else's running through their head unintentionally.

A break is an ultimatum state, where one needs to work out their issues without harming a meaningful relationship.
If he is truly committed (and your best interest) he will do everything to fix the problem so he can run back to you as soon as possible. If he strays then you could do better, if the break itself detours him then its much deeper issues then a mental block caused by pornography.

 

Great questions, you don't see posts like this very often.

>>Grass doesn’t grow on a busy freeway.>>

Agreed. Slowing down the sex sounds like a great idea. It was pretty much impossible for me to stop PMO when I had a gf I was sexually active with.

>> but my self esteem is taking a blow.>>

Personally, I think this is something to look at within yourself. Whether or not a man Os or not has nothing to do with your value as a person or a sexual being. There are many people with disabilities and other conditions that keep them from "achieving" O. I would suggest not getting so hung up on this, as it sounds more social conditioning than actual reflection of his attraction to you. It sounds like you are doing a lot of wonderful things with him, and if I were in his shoes I would find other ways to express my gratefulness other than O. and there are lots of other ways... I'm hoping/assuming he's returning the favors to you (?)

It's nobody's job to O during sex. Ideally, that just happens as it does, when two people are close and loving each other and relaxed.

I will say that 5 weeks is not a very long time for relationship to grow when there's so much sex and pressure around sex. I've had many relationships that 'burned out" quickly from this, since we didn't give each other time to explore other parts of our personalities and grow together. Personally, I'm looking for my future relationships to have less sex and the beginning 1-2 months. Historically it's just been hard for me to turn it down when the option arises...ugh (male conditioning).

Lastly, I will say that crying after sex is a really bad sign… I'm wondering if this person is actually expressing their gratitude and affection and reciprocating the favors that you've been doing for him. That doesn't require O, it just requires a loving and affectionate person. I would be absolutely mortified if somebody cried after having sex with me..

I think it's great that you come here to ask questions and get some more clarity. I also support the idea of helping somebody improve themselves in a relationship. but keep in mind, it is not your job to "save" this person from their addiction. They have to do that for themselves.

 

Then don't break up. Seriously, why is it so important that he orgasms? As long as he doesn't mind, who cares?

OP didn't mention the guy had ED...

 

Others have given great advice and I will just add this. Seems like you want to keep it going so do so. Just be understanding. Ive been in his shoes and it is so heartbreaking and demoralizing when you try over and over and over and have never been able to have real enjoyable sex. Makes you real fragile at the core. You are an amazing women by being understanding and helping him. He is lucky! This may or may not heal fast for him but just know that it is 100% not your fault that he cant O and try not to be so hard on yourself or feel bad. God Bless!

 

I couldn't agree with @The Black Dog more.....what a hugely difficult situation for you to be in. As a woman married to a PA whose been lied to my entire marriage about it (21 years) and then continually lied to since the first D Day (7 years ago) if I was to do this all over again....if I had a crystal ball 21 years ago....I honestly can't say I wouldn't be RUNNING right now (but that's just me) and what I think really doesn't matter but it's where my head is at....quite frankly I think you'd find a lot of SO thinking the same. We are trying to work it out, we have 3 children together and a whole lot of history and I don't even know how it's all going to pan out...But I'm also traumatised and in a lot of pain and have been suffering for many years....I have been lied to so much I don't even know which way is up. But he has been honest with you from the start....so that's a huge PLUS but I don't know that that would be enough for me (again if I had a crystal ball). Without knowing him and 5 weeks is so tiny you can't know how it will pan out....you need to seriously think what if this never stopped, what if I were to have to deal with this my entire life....could I handle it??? Really hard because how do you even know until you've been there what it is that you have to handle....but it could completely go the other way....and all work out just fine whose to say. Is it a huge RISK to take in my opinion Yes (and again it's only an opinion) and this is your life. You need to take care of yourself and seriously think it through.....You are NUMBER ONE PRIORITY here!!!! Not him!!! Your self-esteem, self-worth, confidence, your ability to trust men later in life, out look on life so many things are at stake.....tread carefully....and as a last note I far from think this is a shallow thing you are dealing with here...Best wishes and I hope you make the right decision for you whatever that may be....

 

My initial reaction is "RUN". But I'm a wounded SO. I also know that PA's are people that deserve love and that porn addiction is a disease. But "RUN" comes from my pain and I think you ought to know how I feel.