nervous and distressed

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by ItsYaBoy, Jun 8, 2019.

  1. ItsYaBoy

    ItsYaBoy Fapstronaut

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    so basically i have been dating my girlfriend for almost 2 years and i watched porn from the age of about 13 and i properly got hooked at like 15.

    i would basically masturbate every day or at least 4 times a week. when i got to 16 almost 17 i would watch porn every day. even if i was not horny i would masturbate as i felt i had to. i would never really get that horny just felt i needed to. there were times i would feel horny and watch porn but it would be that time of night where i was free in my room and would do it before i slept.

    anyway, even when i started dating my girlfriend i would still wank every day. but recently i would get super jealous. i admit i am a jealous person. somebody messages my girlfriend i get nervous thinking they are wanting to get with her but i know deep down it would never happen. it would be where we almost broke up several times because i was so jealous or controlling and all that.

    i would watch porn that is between gay and straight, but rarely was gay but lately gay would be a normal thing i would watch (HOCD). im not gay i remember crying because i knew i was not gay but would get turned on by this, never fancied a guy in my life only girls and only when i was horny i would watch gay porn. so i tried to find some straight porn that i would enjoy watching like big ass and stuff like that, but then i found cuckold i dont know why but it kind of turned me on even tho i was disgusted and hated when i thought about it.

    there was a point where we had kind of stop talking im not sure why but still both liked each other and i felt as if she was talking to other people instead of me, making me jealous. then i would randomly think she would be getting without guys and it would disgust me but i could feel my dick enjoying the thought. it would randomly pop into my head and turn me on straight away. i knew i was addicted to porn when we would do sexual things i would not climax but soon started fantasizing to get the job finished. and i remember thinking about her with another guy some times and it would let me finish. i would read about storys online of people who are married allow their wives get with other people and it would turn me on and i would masturbate to it and soon started watching videos of girls having sex with their boyfriend or husband and talk about getting with other guys.

    then i knew i had a serious problem. i started researching how to stop fantasizing about this and then i found nofap and how it helps with this. so i started. started 2 weeks ago to allow my self to reach climax during sex without fantasizing and not take 1 hr long.

    so now u have read kind of a backstory about my problem. i am 2 weeks in and i feel very distressed and jealous randomly throughout every day for the past 4 days and i have noticed my fantasizing about this fetish has decreased a lot but i feel so fucking distressed and nervous, and i don't know why. is it because of this fetish and how its related to my girlfriend? btw i would never ever want to do the cuckold thing in real life but have thought about it but have stopped by self. (only 2 times max i think)

    what would be the best tips or opinions on this situation? im sorry if this is super messy and u might be confusing what im asking but please ask if u are insure to help me as i am desperate and think its ruining my life and i think im that distressed i cant think properly.

    i dont want to break up with her as i love her but these fetishes i think about are fucking my life up atm so emotionally. i do not entertain these thoughts as when i started nofap and if it comes up in my head i straight away stop and calm down and realise it from my head. 7 days into nofap i had sexual activity with my girl and all up until this thought came in (split second thought about this fetish and i felt as if i was going to climax but straight away chucked it out my head) i knew i was going to orgasm quick before the thought even came into my head and 5 mins later i orgasmed without any fantasizing but with only a split second of fantasising which never did much in the end only for that split second. i orgasmed in 20 mins which is amazing for me as i usually take about 1 hr or more sometimes but we did it again a couple of days ago but took about 40-60 mins to finish, we were both tired but it felt amazing but still took so long. i never fantasized what so ever during it. but i still feel this fetish is kinda of turning me on, not as much as it used to as i would get a full on boner as soon as i thought about it but if it comes into my head i can feel my dick tingle but never a boner but i straight away throw it out my head.

    do u think its getting better or is there still a long way to go? and how do i deal with this nervous and distressed throught the day?
     
  2. Alexander210

    Alexander210 Fapstronaut

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    its actually normal.
    I am on day 26 an yeah man it gets better. Its all normal I was heavily addicted like you , and those emotions, stress and nervouseness are all normal. Youa re just reconecting with emotions that you were running away from using porn. and yes porn is responsible for you ahving these fetishes (cuckold and gay videos) buut with time they go away like vanish I am only 26 days for the first time and I havent watched any of that in like months dude. well I am trying with nofap sine a long time and those fetishes are completely gone. Honestly the more you stay sober the more you will see how lucky you are that you have a girlfriend like yours. gl and message me if you ahve any more questions I would be happy to answer
     
    ItsYaBoy likes this.

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