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Nervous About First Time

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by gooutside, Jan 16, 2018.

  1. gooutside

    gooutside Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone,

    This is my first post on this site, been interesting reading your posts.

    I am currently in day 23 of my streak. I had a really good run for a good year where I barely used porn at all. Maybe once every month, but a couple of months ago it got bad and there were several intense night long binges.

    The last one that happened was 23 days ago. Usually I bounce back sexually, but this time something has changed. My normal desire seemed to have gone when I met a really attractive girl on New Years. I think maybe I reconditioned myself to porn in those couple of months where I was relapsing a lot.

    Anyway, I'm planning on seeing this really attractive girl in about 5 days. I told her in a message that I can get anxious and in my head when having sex with someone for the first time, and she replied that she can too, and is happy to go as slow as we want. I wonder if it would help if I was more explicit and say that I get anxious and nervous about sex because I've had an addiction to porn. After reading other threads, it seems like that is the wisest course of action. I really feel like this could be a special relationship, so I want to start in a way that makes me feel like we are allies, not that I have to keep anything from her or impress her or anything.

    Anyway, thanks for reading!
     
  2. I would NOT go into such details prior to at least trying it out. You told her you can get anxious, she gets it. Thats it. Dont go back to her again like "... btw and I also masturbated to porn and bla bla bla bla". If you cant get it on after several tryes, you can explain some more. This way, you have at least some chance. My opinion only
     
  3. I wouldn't go lurid details or anything or what genre gets you going. But it really is better to be upfront and honest. It might suck if she were to reject you but honestly, would you want it to be in the beginning or two months down the road when you've developed a relationship and this is like "Surprise, here are all my bonus features!"

    I got pretty good at telling women I was a recovering sex addict and most always it was in the vein of me trying to make myself the best possible version of myself. That's exactly what you're doing.

    BTW Women watch porn too ;)
     
  4. gooutside

    gooutside Fapstronaut

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    thanks for the feedback Epic Fight and Merovingian

    I think if she asks about it I'm happy to go into my past with porn, but I think I agree with Epic Fight, that it's enough for now that we've discussed both of our anxieties around starting a sexual relationship. I definitely haven't covered anything up and it also leaves the door open to see what will happen.

    Again, I really appreciate both of your replies
     
  5. gooutside

    gooutside Fapstronaut

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    in good news, I've been so motivated by the idea of starting a relationship that I haven't even once considered looking at porn today, so that's a real plus!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. gooutside

    gooutside Fapstronaut

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    so I've made the 30 day club! and also I met up with the woman i was mentioning and it's been going pretty well. we've had sex quite a few times. she notices that i get nervous and can rush into having sex before she's ready, so i'm trying to work on that. i also came so many times that i feel a bit drained so i'm going to take a day off to try and get back some of my energy. i think because i'm so drained i lost my erection a bit last night and that freaked her out, so again, i think it's good for me to have a day off just to recharge so to speak.

    anyway, i guess i'm just writing in here to keep a thread going, i have a habit of writing in these things only when i'm really struggling, so thought i would share some (mostly) good news.

    good luck in your fight, to anyone who reads this!
     
  7. Ppl abstaining from sex will surely appretiate your stories about comming so many times..

    Anyway, good it went ok for you
     
  8. gooutside

    gooutside Fapstronaut

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    yeah fair enough Epic Fight, I guess we're all setting ourselves slightly different challenges. Didn't mean to be annoying, but maybe you're right and it's better to keep that info to myself.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. Its like that, I was on both sides, writing unnecesary info about my GF and reading triggering info from others. I learned from both cases and Im offering you the same chance :) this is deffo not a place to go wild about sex as 99% of ppl are abstaining here. Its a trigger... you dont want to trigger ppl who are on a same boat as you, we are comunity. Be well. Pardon my grammar Im on phone
     
    Basel282 and gooutside like this.
  10. Abird

    Abird Fapstronaut

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    Im happy for you it all works out. I think you should be able to talk about it. Not sure if spoiler tags work, but you might use them.
    Keep up the good work!
     
    gooutside likes this.
  11. gooutside

    gooutside Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your feedback guys. Truth is im going back into hard mode for the foreseeable future anyway as this girl lives in a different city. This is the time that'll be really challenging in terms of staying away from PMO. I have hope though.
     
  12. Yes this part is harder than normal, good luck stay strong!
     
    gooutside likes this.
  13. lamstronger

    lamstronger Fapstronaut

    Don't worry even if your first time is awkward, or not like you imagined. The next times will be great for both of you
     
  14. gooutside

    gooutside Fapstronaut

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    thanks Mantasx1, it's true. The less I think about it, the less pressure I put on myself, the more I'm able to just be in the moment and enjoy what's happening, which is kind of the whole point anyway.

    Coming up to 40 days! Feeling really good about it.
     
  15. gooutside

    gooutside Fapstronaut

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    glad to have made 40 days!
     
    simonfreemason likes this.
  16. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

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    Man... Off topic: I gotta say, your username is something just about everybody could do more of in the social-media/Netflix/online-dating age (especially myself)!
     
    gooutside likes this.
  17. gooutside

    gooutside Fapstronaut

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    haha yeah, that's why i chose it, as a reminder to myself! it's amazing how much less i feel tempted to PMO if i'm not staring at a screen for half the day.
     
  18. gooutside

    gooutside Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone, probably shouldn't have this thread in 'Dating During a Reboot' anymore, that thing with the girl that I thought was the beginning of something ended waaaay quicker than i thought it would. So now on hard mode indefinitely. Still going well. Feeling confident I can keep abstaining.
     
  19. gooutside

    gooutside Fapstronaut

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    hi everyone, just checking in. feeling good about getting to 90 days, but one moment at a time. i've been meditating a lot, which i think is helping. still feeling a bit heartbroken but trying to not let it get me too down.
     
  20. GeneralismoKilgore

    GeneralismoKilgore Fapstronaut

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    I'd say hold back on telling her so much detail. You've obviously got her into the idea of having sex with you, and she must be keen if she is willing to go slowly and try. All first time sex can be awkward for both people involved, and I think that's only natural. It takes time to get to know someone intimately, to get to know what they like, and to get to know their body. The only thing, and I know I might get some flack for saying this, is do not focus on yourself the first time, focus on her. Obviously if you both have an orgasm that is great, but your primary goal should be that she enjoys herself that first time around, it will make her keen on the idea of repeat.

    So you should be focusing a lot on foreplay, kissing her on her neck, her breast, and focus on going down on her as well. If you do it right, she will be so horny, she will basically take over. :) If you don't come the first time, don't worry, initiate a second time. The first time I had sex, it wasn't comfortable for me, because I was caught up on it, but I focused on giving her pleasure and in the end we we're together for 1 year and constantly at it.

    I suggest missionary position, and make sure the condom is on properly, with your foreskin pulled back if you have it, it can dull the senses. With missionary you are able to take control and pace it out. That or have her straddle you, and then she can set the pace. Don't be afraid to move faster or be a bit rough, she will let you know if you need to slow down or dial it back. If you prematurely ejaculate, then wait 15 minutes and try again.

    Good luck bud!!
     
    Deleted Account likes this.

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