Needing advice: How to deal with husband’s flatline

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Atomicflea, Nov 14, 2018.

  1. Atomicflea

    Atomicflea Fapstronaut

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    hi everyone!

    I’m needing some advice from both PA and SO’s to help me understand my current situation with my husband.

    My husband is 110 days PM free (a massive achievement) and recently gone hard mode for the month of November (but open to karezza), however, he’s been flatlining since day 1. I have always had a higher libido than him so it’s been a struggle to hold myself back even during my pregnancy and postpartum. I’ve stopped initiating after DDay3. He knows I’m sexually frustrated and sees me suffering but he says he has no sexual desire (although he did say he wouldn’t say no for me giving him a BJ). He overthinks things and struggles to get over the mindset of initiating any form of sexual intimacy. He says he feels pressured to perform and that I need to be more patient. He doesn’t have PIED.

    Any advice out there?

    I know the PA has nothing to do with me but the lying and lack of intimacy on his part took a huge blow to my self esteem and, quite frankly, rocked our marriage plus the added stress of caring for a baby. I feel extremely undesirable (esp after pregnancy) and well I feel like I’m the chef, cleaning lady, gardener, DIY girl, and mother but not a lover. Help? Thanks.
     
  2. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    Just a thought but you could ask him to give you a massage. Prepare the room to be relaxing, with flattering candlelight and have a suitable body lotion he can use on you. Gently rubbing your naked body without the expectation of sex might be the stimulus he needs. And if it doesn't work, at least you'll get a massage out of it!

    ANH
     
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  3. Atomicflea

    Atomicflea Fapstronaut

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    I asked and he is up for it. Thanks for the suggestion!
     
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  4. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    That's good news. If you feel like sharing, it would be good to know how it works out.
    Good luck

    ANH
     
  5. DesperateHousewife7

    DesperateHousewife7 Fapstronaut

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    I’m in the same boat. I don’t have any advice for you, unfortunately. It seems like since he’s quit PMO (allegedly) his interest in sex has entirely disappeared and he no longer even tries in that department at all. At least when he was lying about his addiction, we had sex once in a while. So annoying. This feels like a lose-lose situation entirely
     
  6. Atomicflea

    Atomicflea Fapstronaut

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    Husband surprised me with a massage the other day. I expected just a simple back massage (left my leggings on) and he took it further with a happy ending. ☺️☺️ He even managed to go karezza. I was impressed how serious he was to remain in hard mode. It felt liberating both emotionally and physically.
     
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  7. anewhope

    anewhope Fapstronaut

    Great news!! I am so happy for you. Hopefully this won't just be a one-off

    ANH
     

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