Need your advices about a girl please

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by natnhnatnh, Jun 11, 2018.

  1. natnhnatnh

    natnhnatnh Fapstronaut

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    Hi! I need your advices please!

    So basically, there was this girl in my classroom last year, I directly found her very attractive and special. And to me, it seems like it was reciprocal.
    But I left this school during the first week so we didn’t speak together at all or just about basic stuff ( about the school).
    She followed me on instagram and I followed her back.

    Few days ago, I had a music exam and she was there, but I didn’t talk with her because it wasn’t in the right context and because I was shy.. So I kind of ignored her.

    But I just noticed that she made a request to follow me on instagram (Again????), so I said yes and I followed her back (again????).

    I’m planning on sending her a message because now I’m more confident but I really don’t know how to do it.
    I don’t wanna be too serious in my message.
    Maybe I could talk about music or about the fact that it’s the second she asked to follow me?

    I really don’t want to mess up, but I wouldn’t care if I get rejected.
    And I think she’s sending me signs and I wanna respond
     
  2. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Hi!

    I don't have too much experience myself because I was shy for a very long time myself. But I have changed a lot lately! So I will try to help from my own experience.

    Ok, so you think she is interested. So give me one reason why not to try contact her (if you are interested too). There is no reason to not contact her, except the feeling of "fear". Thats just a feeling and the only way to overcome something you are scared of is to take action. If you don't take action you have already lost. Take action and you have the possibility to actually get to know her better and know if you two are something that can work out.

    No need to be too serious in the first message or (maybe date?). Do something simple. The first time I asked a girl out we chatted for 3-4 days until I just asked if she would like to hang out sometime. Then we went for something simple as just a hike/walk outside, which gave us a lot of time to get to know each other better, and it worked well!

    Don't overthing things. It is you that she should like, not the "fancy date experience" or any "pick up line". Just be yourself. Contact her. Start with something simple as the music stuff and talk around that. While talking you two may get on other subjects that you can talk about, and a few chat(s)? later you can try ask her to hangout.

    I don't really know how well you know this girl except from the class room. Some people often ask "what am i going to talk about on the first date?". Well, on a first date with someone you don't know too well there are a million topics you can talk about, just don't overthink. The less you know a person the more it is to learn about them, the better you know a person it is easier to have a relaxed conversation.

    Good luck! I don't know much help it is that I write, but I hope things work out for the two of you! You have nothing to lose by trying. If it goes well you have learnt + maybe you can start dating. If it does not work out you can learn from it! :)
     
    natnhnatnh likes this.
  3. natnhnatnh

    natnhnatnh Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for you answer! Yes i'm going to send her a message but the only issue is that I don't know what can be the first message
     
  4. natnhnatnh

    natnhnatnh Fapstronaut

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    Maybe: "Hi, I didn't know you were practicing music! Did your exam go well?" But Idk i feel like it's embarrassing I would prefer something simpler and funny but I can't find it spontaneously
     
  5. SorryWontSayIt

    SorryWontSayIt Fapstronaut

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    Don't think something is embarrassing. If she does not like what you write, then she does not like you. If something as a simple message changes someone mind about an other person, they are not worth the time.

    I don't see anything that should be embarrassing about the message you wrote (But I am no expert). But as you say, you can also try something simple. The opening line does not have to be funny or a pick up line. Don't overthink. Fun will be created during the conversation :)

    This is just what I think :)
     
  6. natnhnatnh

    natnhnatnh Fapstronaut

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    I found what I’m going to say, As I said, I left my class after 1 week And maybe I could make a joke about it, like :” Hi, you are in my class, aren’t you?”

    But I don’t know how to say it so she can understand I’m joking
     
  7. reborn999

    reborn999 Fapstronaut

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    I think this funny way, "hi, do I know you from somewhere?"

    ;))) I laughed on this one, so I hope it's good enough,
     
  8. natnhnatnh

    natnhnatnh Fapstronaut

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    Yes why not....
     
  9. natnhnatnh

    natnhnatnh Fapstronaut

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    It’s too hard I can’t find the right way to send her a message..
     
  10. Saylorock

    Saylorock Fapstronaut

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    Don't send her message, absolutely. Talk to her in real, with a message you look like every other loser that has no ball to interact. Just tell her something random really, it's not important what you say but how confident you are.
     
  11. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I am female and I want to start out by telling you that you should not fear us so much, we are a lot more like you than you realize. We are nervous to talk to guys, we are afraid to say something wrong. The best advice i can give you is to not put so much weight on whether a girl rejects you or not. Just go for it. Often times what men do not realize is that whether or not a woman is interested has very little to do with them or their actions. It is out of their control. Unless you say something super offensive, she either likes you or she does not and she’s likely already made the decision as to whether she sees you as a potential made or a friend. So send her the message, if you don’t get a response move on and go after someone else. If you approach dating this way I promise you you will have a more success. GOod luck.
     
    elevate and Hitto like this.
  12. natnhnatnh

    natnhnatnh Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your advices!
    I can’t see her in real life cause we are currently studying for the final exam.

    So I don’t care if I get rejected by her, it would be her choice.

    All I would like, is to send her a message a bit funny to maybe start a conversation and break the ice that’s why I’m looking for a nice message instead of just sending “Hi”
     
  13. Miguel Rocha

    Miguel Rocha Fapstronaut

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    The most important thing is to initiate an interaction with her. If you can't talk to her in person send her a message yeah. A recommendation I have to you (and it is what works best for me) is to send her a short message. Because longer messages leave them kind of confused and are harder to reply. The one you suggested: "Hi, you are in my class, aren’t you?” is perfect. Maybe you can add (if you like): "I think I saw you there in the other day". Just to "open" more the question. But after that don't wait too long to invite her for a walk or something. The best conversations are "live" and avoids the potential misunderstandings of written messages.

    I have to say I have been more rejected than any other guy I know (but I rejected girls too but it breaks my heart. I prefer to be rejected than to reject...). But now I feel kind of "bullet proof" immune to that. I've been rejected so many times I can't even remember. But I have "high" standards too. I don't hang around with a woman just to "have" a girlfriend or just to have sex. I'm picky. And nowadays it doesn't phase me when a girl rejects my invitations...because I'm used to that. I will apply to the guinness world of records. xD When someone accepts my invite I ask: "Really? Are you sure?". xD (Just kidding). Just to make you aware that rejections make you better and you learn from that. In the past I was used to overthink the invite (and that was destroying me). It's better for your /our mental health to be straightforward in your approach. Believe me. ;)

    Go for it. We're all with you! ;)
     
  14. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Is there any sort of inside joke you have maybe something from the class you used to be in together? Or an interest you have in common? If not just say something generic like nice to see you on my page again how’s your summer so far? For the most part if a woman is attracted to you you are going to get a response from a simple hi how are you? And if she’s not attracted to you you can craft the most perfect thing and it won’t make any difference. When I did online dating you could tell there were guys that spent a lot of time crafting the perfect email and who had studied my profile to find common things and I felt bad but it did not make a difference because I did not find them attractive. So don’t put too much thought into it.
     
  15. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Like they say about the lottery “you gotta play to win.” I think you have the right idea here. The guys I know that are okay with rejection meet the most women and end up happier.
     
    Miguel Rocha likes this.
  16. natnhnatnh

    natnhnatnh Fapstronaut

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    Thanks again for your advices,but i just can't i'm stuck on my phone trying to write something and i'm totally stuck....... the things we have in common are: playing music, and being in the same class for 10 days
     
  17. Shinsoo

    Shinsoo Fapstronaut

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    Her insta , it could be she got spooked u didnt really talk to her last time and unfollowed u , then she felt different and re-added u .Or maybe she remade an insta acc, who knows. But I'd say just be nice and honest. Maybe wait till exam stress is over then ask her out. Ask her to hangout to get to know her better or straight up say you like her and would love to see a movie with her. Don't overcomplicate it. Listen to her, respond, pull the trigger.
     
  18. natnhnatnh

    natnhnatnh Fapstronaut

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    Yes in fact she made a new account,
    It’s really hard
    But idk I’m hesitating way too much.
    I’m over questioning myself...
    WHY can’t I Do that???
     
  19. Shinsoo

    Shinsoo Fapstronaut

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    its not hard, ur making it hard. guys pm girls every day. Maybe u do care about the rejection. Set a schedule to do it. Set it to a time and forget it. when the time comes just do it like a task, no thoughts.
     
    GG2002 likes this.
  20. natnhnatnh

    natnhnatnh Fapstronaut

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    Yes I think I care about rejection.
    I’m not very confident since 1 or 2 years and I think I’m protecting my ego.
     

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