Need to succeed for my wife, for myself and everyone who believes in me

Hi everyone,

This thread will be a way for me to commit myself to the program after a few attempts.
I want to write everyday and I won't lie to you nor to myself. I'm not telling my wife about it so you guys will be the only ones.

I started nofap in August 2017 and no worries people who are new to nofap I can guarantee you, it 100% works. I was so shit in bed and before I discovered that program I just thought it was because of the size of my thing, I had zero confidence in bed and my head was filled with negative thoughts during the act, thinking that she doesn't enjoy cause mine doesn't look like the ones in films. It was so hard to get it up and I was always trying to find excuses. At that time my wife and I were only together for less than a year. My only way to get it up was to imagine I was having sex with a pornstar. How the fuck could I do that to my beautiful BEAUTIFUL wife. Til now she still has no idea and I don't think I'll ever tell her.

At some point in September we had to live in two different countries for almost 2 months due to work reason and I started the hardcore mode. I will always remember how I felt after 7 days. I wanted to make conversations with everyone, english is not my native language but the words came to me naturally without any struggle. I remember how listening to Michael Jackson felt I could feel the music that was awesome. I had soooo much energy it was unbelievable I'd do anything to get back to that time.

I fought my urges really hard and would turn my head everytime there was a bad pop up window on my computer or a sex scene on TV, did all that for almost 60 days.

And guess what after I got back with my fiancee my erection problems were GONE!!! And I was more confident and more of a listener in terms of what pleases her. But then in November we had to live separately again and I wasn't as strong as I was before to resist urges so I was tricked by my porn brain a million times by watching sexy videos on youtube one lead to another etc etc and you'll be surprised how much shit is on youtube a "all public" website. Don't go check out what I said though PLEASE.

And I started masturbating to this, and obviously once you do it you tell yourself "Anyway the day count is back to zero so I may as well make the most of it" etc etc bull shit man.

A month later me and my beautiful fiancee (not my wife yet at the time) got back together (cause we live in different countries) and sex was still good but I felt like it was a duty more than something I want to do, I want to be aroused all the time by my fiancee and not craving for youtube videos, she deserves the best man in the world. She has been in love with me from the start even though I couldn't perform in bed she kept telling me not to worry, that it's ok. Who does that??? She is the best human I know and I need HELP PLEASE!!!!!!!!! Recently we just got married and I promised myself that the ring on my finger will be a reminder not to watch erotic videos on fuckin youtube, but it didn't work I feel so pathetic.

I keep finding excuses like Oh it's sunday and I'll start on Monday so it's easy to remember cause it's the beginning of the week. Please guys somebody help me.

Yesterday for the first time since August I watched actual porn, I went on porn websites and spent so much time. Something interesting I would like to note on here is that I thought I'd be so much more excited but to be honest not really I was trying to remember the videos I used to really like, but couldn't remember really and obviously I masturbated cause it's still porn and it's still been ages but it didn't make that horny... Is this a good news?? I hope so.

Today is my first day and I'll go hardcore until I see my wife next month. I'll keep posting on here hoping this would help me.

 

Well done bro, they don't deserve that, we fucked up with our disgusting habits they didn't. Let's work hard brother!!!! Our brain will heal very soon