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Need to stop now.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Gm23, Jun 15, 2019.

  1. Gm23

    Gm23 Fapstronaut

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    Hi everyone,

    I am in my late 30s and have had a high libido sence I was about 12. Since about 13 I've been masturbating regularly but when I moved into my own place and internet porn became so accessible I have used in more and more. I was single most of my life and would always look at porn in the morning and just before bed, as well as other adhoc times. Particularly when sick, bored, or stressed.

    I met my wife 10 years ago, but still watched porn. She knew but was unaware how often. About a year ago she said that she really hated my looking at porn and wanted me to stop. I said ok. I cut back heavily at first but then relapsed. Later she asked if I was still looking at porn. I said I was but I had cut back a lot. She then looked at my phone download history which showed a different story.

    After this we agreed I would stop. I did very well at the beginning. I blocked porn on my internet, but having a smart phone opens you up to so much at the touch of a button. I discovered I could see pics and gifs if I turned off wifi and so had a mini relapse but recovered. Recently we went on holiday and had wifi with no restrictions. I looked at porn twice but then when we got back I started again. I would change the security settings, look at porn and then change them back. I also starred looking at pics with the wifi off. I was not masturbating but still felt I needed to see some. I seem to have been lying to myself about how much I look at porn and in turn have lied to my wife. This is a major issue and if I do not quit I will get divorced as I keep being dishonest about it. Please help.
     
  2. It's an excellent idea to dive in and start encouraging other people on their journey. I think you will find it will help you more than anything! Welcome, and don't give up! You can also start a reboot log: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php#reboot-logs.8
     
  3. Welcome. I would recommend getting an AP or three on this site and, once trust is established between you, start using accountability software on your device(s). It monitors everything you do online and cannot be removed without notifying your APs. A very helpful deterrent.

    Then start reading about this addiction and learn everything you can about it. You have turned to PMO for some reason. Uncovering the core issue and addressing it head-on is the key to long-term recovery.

    I wish you the best on your journey!
     
    Gm23 likes this.
  4. Gm23

    Gm23 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks. Do these apps block porn access? I am trying to do this, but it's not as easy to do as I'd hoped.
     
  5. Gm23

    Gm23 Fapstronaut

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    Sorry, thought you meant Apps. Still learning the lingo.
     
  6. Hello and welcome! :)

    We are glad to have you as a part of our community. Here are some quick links to get you started.

    - You can set up your day counter here
    - You can find the forum usage guide here
    - Here is we’re you will find a glossary of terms often used in the nofap community. Glossary
    - You can also find a guide to the basics of rebooting here
    - If you wish to keep a journal of your progress you can do so in the appropriate section found here

    There are plenty of wonderful, friendly and knowledgeable people here to help you along on your journey to a life free of PMO. I wish you nothing but the best!
     
  7. No worries. Yes, I meant Accountability Partner(s). Once they are in place, then accountability software might be helpful.

    You cannot do this on your own. But in community you just might have a shot!
     
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2019
  8. Always be positive

    Always be positive Fapstronaut

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    Gm23 likes this.
  9. Gm23

    Gm23 Fapstronaut

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    I find every time I am left to my own devices in the house I think about masturbating purely because I can. It's like a reactive compulsion. It started when I was young. Whenever I was alone in the house I would do things I couldn't do when I wasnt alone (watch porn, smoke weed, etc). I dont generally think about porn now, but the thought of "have a quick wank" comes to mind often.
     
  10. Gm23

    Gm23 Fapstronaut

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    Thinking about porn happens when I let my guard down and is almost a rebellious action. What I the point of me looking at pics and gifs? They were not arousing me, but in the past I felt compelled to look at them. Watching porn was almost premeditated now I come to think about it . Still now I'm aware I can hopefully stop the cycle.
     
    Deleted Account and Tao Jones like this.
  11. Don't test the waters when it comes to porn, I never win. Porn has been wired to my brain to the point where I'm preety much a slave to it. So I stay completely away from it. I don't watch psubs either, is only playing mind games with my addiction. Is better not to wonder about pics or gifs and stuff because it will lead to porn everytime.
     
    Tao Jones and Gm23 like this.
  12. Gm23

    Gm23 Fapstronaut

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    I completely agree and I will endeavour not too. I suppose I'm trying to understand my problem and using porn to masturbate is understandable where as looking at porn with no intention of masturbating but just for the mental thrill isn't. Probably shows I have a problem so will just leave it there.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  13. Gm23

    Gm23 Fapstronaut

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    Let myself down this morning. Didn't look at P but did M. Didn't want to tell the wife first thing in the morning and ruin her day, but am now worried she will think I was trying to hind it from her and not be honest with her.
     
  14. Gm23

    Gm23 Fapstronaut

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    I think I learned more about why I do it though, so I suppose that's positive.
     
  15. Hey & Welcome to NoFap Community! :)

    You are in the right place for recovery here. We are so glad to have you with us to beat this addiction together.

    You can go read some Success Stories in the "Success Stories" section to learn more about the benefits of NoFap , get useful tips and ideas to help you in the reboot.

    If you have any question about rebooting, you can ask it in the "Rebooting" section.


    And I would recommend you to make your own journal in the "Reboot logs" corresponding to your gender & age to track your everyday progress.
    You can also join challenges in the "Events & Challenges" section, to keep yourself motivated and focused.




    You may start by checking the links below:
    Learn more about Rebooting.
    Forum Usage Guide.
    List of Rebooting Ressources.
    Glossary of terms used in NoFap community.




    Best of luck to you in your journey!





    -The Winner
     
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