Need some third date advice

Why would you bother cooking food with her at home, if you're not going to eat anyway?

Go out and experience something. A show, a movie, a long walk somewhere interesting, an art thing or whatever she is into. Then find a quiet, cozy cafe afterwards and have some coffee / snack and talk. Make sure you find a spot where you can sit next to each other and not opposite each other.

Don't tell her you want to focus on "us" after a third date. But if you want to take down your dating profile, that's up to you. But don't ask her to do so after only three dates. It'll come naturally.

 

just ask, say hey lets meet up at your place this week , when your with them alone the greater the chances of something happing, in public places not so much. If she has people at her place she may decline remember with women there looking to you to lead and tell them what you want. If she does have people over at her house set up a time that both you can be alone together tell her you would like to talk privately with no distraction like waiters or others

 

I’m female. First I agree with the suggestion to do something rather than dinner on the third date. Like a museum or something. No a woman does not want to sit there and eat while you watch. Absolutely no not! It’s awkward and weird. At home or out. And yes it’s too soo to say you want to focus on us. Take things slow. If she asks if you took your profile down say yes you are taking a break. But if you tell her you did because you wanted to focus on us it’s going to creep her out. Do not invite yourself to her house. If you wanted to invite her to you’re that’s fine but respect it if she says no it’s too soon. I think you also need to see a doctor about your appetite issue.

 

I dont agree with your opinion. Firstly cooking together can be great fun. Secondly you can cook and still do an activity.

I think that your appetite issue is because you are in love. You see that people who fall in love can have problems with eating.
Also if you want to cook and your place is not available talk about it with her. Say what you think looks fun and if she agrees try to meet at her house.
If you want a relation with her you should be able to communicate with her and discuss ideas

 

How much have you dated as a woman? Just curious.

 

None of your questions are stupid, we have all been there women and men alike of all ages. First I think it’s great that you want to plan a date that she will enjoy, women remember that stuff. But the reason I recommended against going to your place or hers is because if a woman invites you to her place where you will be alone it almost always means that she is up for at least making out. And the third date is often known as “the sex date.” Now I don’t think you see it that way but you don’t know her past experiences. So you need to let her do that. Let her invite you to her place when she feels comfortable being alone with you. You see it as eating pizza and having clean fun. If she sees it as an invitation for Netflix and chill (code word for sex in most cases) and she’s not ready for that yet, then it could scare her away or make her think you want sex even if you don’t. I have had men invite me over on the third date to their place and I said I was not comfortable with that yet. Some understood others got mad cause they expecting sex by the third date.

Before I give you some ideas I want to share with you a big difference between a man’s experience of life and a woman’s. From a young age women are subjected to men who view her sexually. Like as a man do you ever think about what you wear at night because you are afraid you will get raped? That’s an extreme but what I’m telling you is a woman alone in her place with you is vulnerable in a way a good guy like yourself might not understand. Many of us have been on dates with overly assertive creepy men so our guard is up. Many of us have been stalked or screamed at by men we reject, I just want you to see where women are coming from and why I said what I did about going go her place.

Now I think the best thing for you to do is ask her what she wants to do? You don’t have to make all the plans see what she likes. Or try to think of things she told you she enjoys. Plays, concerts, is there a zoo I love to go to the zoo. Get a few ideas together and ask her. Ice skating, roller skating, escape rooms, sport watching, trivia. What is the weather where you are? A beach, a lake, a picnic, an amusement park, a ballroom dancing class, a cooking class, a poetry reading, a local winery. You could day trip it if you have a car. I also grew up in a small town but could drive to a larger city. But ask her. And whatever you do don’t overthink it. Just be yourself and have a great time. Don’t take the fun out of it by trying to plan too much, but plan enough that you kmow what you will do.

 

I can say this listing to women for advice on women was one of my biggest setbacks in dating . After 23 years in the dating scene I can say this women don't know what the hell they want they will say they want a nice man then date someone that just got out of prison for violence so many times women say one thing and do the opposite its painful to read

 

They do know what they want, often the men just don’t listen to what they are saying. They hear what they want to hear. Look there are a lot of angry and bitter men on this site. I understand, that you may have not had the best experience with women, but saying things like “women don’t know what they want” just because you had experiences in which you felt that they did not, is not fair, nor is it helpful to you in moving forward. We all get dumped. We get cheated it and we look at the person that they cheated on with us and say huh? What? He or she left me for that? Often it does not make sene. But every person is different, and being angry or bitter does not hurt anybody but you. There are a lot of young guys on this site that truly and honestly want to find a good girl, they want to do things right, they are hopeful, and these are the kind of men women are looking for. Don’t drag them down. Just because you had what you felt was bad advice given to you does not mean that first it actually was bad advice, or second that all women give bad advice.

 

You're over thinking this. It's smart to plan, but stop treating it like a checklist of how to not lose her.

A relationship should be like having a partner in crime. What do you enjoy doing? What does she enjoy doing? It's more fun when you do them together. Explore each other. Be playful and adventurous.

It's not really what you do that matters. It's the enthusiasm, fun, and passion you bring to it. Rather than fear, worry, and walking on egg shells trying not to mess things up.

If you're worried, then you're making too big of a deal out of it. It's too important to you. So you'll be afraid to let loose and actually enjoy yourself. You'll be too outcome focused.

 

YOU SOUND LIKE A WOMEN

 

Well I am.

 

Just give her a call and ask her out and ask what she wants to do but yes you need to chill out a bit.

 

Hello again.

There are many good suggestions. I live in Denmark so we're practically neighbors!

Anyway. I can only speak from personal experience as an adult woman who has been on a fair share of various dates throughout the past three years.

I am a slow mover with certain things, meaning I like to take my time and get to know people before hanging out at their home or having sex (I'm currently abstinent, so obviously).

One of the biggest "mistakes" I see happening in modern dating is the rush. Why are you rushing to kiss/have sex/lock it down? You're not in a hurry. You don't need to be at a specific point on date x, y, z. Just relax and enjoy her company.

Date three: go to a coffee shop. Sit down next to each other (not opposite!) so you can touch her arm or her hand and you can sit close. This way you can also feel how comfortable she is being in close proximity to you.

Don't ask her for a fourth date before you've had your third. But do ask her out again after the date or the next day. Secure that date as fast as possible so you know it'll happen. DON'T DETERMINE WHAT TO DO YET! Just lock down the actual date in your calendars. I'll tell you why later.

If you want her to know you want to hang at her place, you have two options:

a) wait for her to bring it up.

b) lead the conversation to food. Ask what her favorite food is or say you're craving whatever food. Then jokingly you say "oh man! You have to cook me this one day!" Hopefully she responds with something like "that could be fun" and then you say "yeah, Im sure you're a good cook". Doesn't matter if she is not. You have now planted the seed in her head. Or you could say "if you supply the kitchen (her place) I'll cook you x, y or z. one day."

Then a few days after you have secured date 4 and written the date in your calendars, you can now casually say/text her "maybe I should cook you that food next time?" and see what she says. By waiting a few days before suggesting the actual activity you're going for (her house) you have given her space to process date three and how much she likes you. At this point she will know whether or not she is comfortable enough to have you over. If you ask her straight up on date three you risk her saying yes without really knowing if she's comfortable and she might bail on you later, because she made a rushed decision.

But yeah. You can always let her know that you actually like her and you are interested in getting to know her better and that you're not trying to just get laid.

Good luck!

 

Totally agree and like your thoughts about making sure to secure a four date as soon as possible after the 3rd. The only caution I have with that is that if you ask a woman in person for another date, she is almost always going to say yes, and potentially bail on you later. We just feel uncomfortable telling you no in person, well I don’t but lots of women do. The reason is because they don’t want an angry response in person and many of us have experienced that. You can ask her in person but this may happen. I think they key is to show interest, but not seem overly excited because they you can come across as a creeper stalker. I recognize this is very difficult!

 

Yes, that's why I said at the end of the date or the next day. (;