Need relationship advice.

I am married with 2 kids. Previously I would edge PMO after conflict in my relationship. The last year as I have been improving after giving up PMO and M my reaction to stress has improved.

This would always start with my wife throwing a tantrum and then I would end up wth horrible Shame and guilt that snowballed into a session. Well today she popped off another one. For context she came home after a hair appointment and the entire family was still relaxing. I was still asleep and the youngest child needed to get ready for a birthday party. So commence slamming doors and tromping around the house. I could feel the guilt and shame start to build, but I took stock and realized that her actions are emotionally abusive. Not to say she wasn't right that we should have gotten going sooner, but this pattern has been going on since before our children were born.

This time I just let it pass, but my oldest daughter has started referring to her mother as the angry woman. Thankfully I'm responding in a more healthy way these days and I think over the years these outbursts have affected my self worth and contributed to PMO due to my lack of coping mechanisms.

It's really hard to approach a partner about emotional abuse especially when it's subtle and structured so it appears that they are the one with their sh"t together.

So the question is what to do now.

 

Thanks man,

Good point on being involved in what she has going on. It's not a constant issue and always strikes out of the blue which is in someway even more frustrating.

I might go see a therapist on my own. A buddy of mine is having similar issues but more extreme and therapy has done wonders for him.

 

It varies,

And it's not just me home alone. Sometimes it's out of the blue.