... where to begin.... 47 year old heterosexual married (21 years) female. I found my dad's porn mags when i was a little girl. I was shocked and aroused. They were the old Playboy and others ... single or lesbian couples and groups. The excitement of the photos on top of the excitement of doing something I should not were intoxicating and addictive. had several boyfriends until I got married at age 26. I thought I was a secret lesbian bc I had to think of this porn to have an O. Eventually I realized I'm not a lesbian - I never really felt attracted to women in real life the way i am to men. But I still, after all these years have to look at porn and then think of it during sex with my husband to O. He does not know this is happening. Now I am losing sensitivity. The porn has to be more and more intense. It does not always have to be lesbian porn but that is still the most 'comfortable'. I wish I could stop this and just be in the moment.