Need P to O

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by TiredOfThisGirl, Oct 9, 2018.

  1. TiredOfThisGirl

    TiredOfThisGirl Fapstronaut

    ... where to begin....

    47 year old heterosexual married (21 years) female. I found my dad's porn mags when i was a little girl. I was shocked and aroused. They were the old Playboy and others ... single or lesbian couples and groups. The excitement of the photos on top of the excitement of doing something I should not were intoxicating and addictive.

    had several boyfriends until I got married at age 26. I thought I was a secret lesbian bc I had to think of this porn to have an O. Eventually I realized I'm not a lesbian - I never really felt attracted to women in real life the way i am to men. But I still, after all these years have to look at porn and then think of it during sex with my husband to O. He does not know this is happening.

    Now I am losing sensitivity. The porn has to be more and more intense. It does not always have to be lesbian porn but that is still the most 'comfortable'. I wish I could stop this and just be in the moment.
    kropo82, Target365 and Newgirl like this.
  2. The Lone Ranger

    The Lone Ranger Fapstronaut

    Well maybe you can stop this. I’m running out of battery on my phone right now and frankly I’m not very much of a guru on this journey. But I can tell you this much; men and women on here is living proof that an everyday life without porn and masturbation is within reach. Good luck to you my friend and welcome here!
    kropo82 and TiredOfThisGirl like this.
  3. TiredOfThisGirl

    TiredOfThisGirl Fapstronaut

  4. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Hey, don't worry, you're already making a big step towards recovery! One day I know you can be able to be happy without this PMO in your life.

    All the best. :)
  5. Newgirl

    Newgirl Fapstronaut

    So good to know that you are ready to take charge of your sexuality and rid yourself of PMO. You will be able to fully enjoy your husband's love but it can only happen after you reboot by reprogramming your brain. It will take lots of determination and discipline which at first may seem like torture but it will bring great rewards. You got this, stay strong!
    The Lone Ranger likes this.
  6. Handzfree

    Handzfree Distinguished Fapstronaut

    Tired.. your name says it all. The question is who a person (myself included) wants to be. Take heart... like you I found dad's stash - mostly pretty tame breasts shots but I remember the first time I saw something a bit lower. As kids / teenagers, we weren't meant to deal with this stuff. I remember the praise heaped on Hefner when he passed away, but in all honesty - I can't recall a redeeming thing he offered society.

    Trust yourself and believe in yourself. Post here often and find an AP. If you need, seek counseling. If you think you can open up to your husband... do so.

    On the other hand, the nice thing about NoFap is you can reach out for help and remain anonymous.

    A couple tips to get you started...

    First - more than likely you've ritualized your habit. In other words you do things the same way every time you go to porn and masturbate. If you edge, you're dumping a lot of dopamine, which is a chemical released during sex and arousal. Dopamine is addictive even though is it natural. Bottom line, change what you are doing. If you M at night, leave the phone or computer where they can't be found. Find things that you like to do... hobbies, exercise whatever and embrace those. When you get the urge, change what your doing to distract yourself.

    Second - you're addiction is an escape from reality. to beat it you'll need to confront things that are "pressing" you... Job, Family, Friends, whatever. Confronting means maturing / facing yourself and accepting things as they are without crumbling. It also means being heard and expressing who you are. It's not easy at first, but it will turn you into the "girl you want to be." All this being said, be kind to yourself as you grow. Your inner voice should be calming and reassuring no matter what happens.

    Finally - don't worry about sex with your husband or your sensitivity at the moment. These things will change over time. The best (and I say this tongue in check) "porn" is with your husband. You just need to be in the moment instead of thinking of porn. And that will happen.

    PM me if you'd like... Congrats on signing on to the forum and reaching out. Trust me, you can do this!

    The Lone Ranger likes this.
  7. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

    You never did say. Are you actually masturbating too?

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