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Need help from the SO's

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Hopefulgirl, Jul 25, 2017.

  1. I also learned years ago that it has nothing to do with how attractive you are (or they are). My ex cheated on me with several women that he wasn't even attracted to and would make rude comments about (to me). Then would get drunk at a party, wait for me to go to sleep and would hookup w them. He was a SA and PA (and sociopath) I just didn't know it at the time. I had a lot of building myself back up after he tore me down. But I guess it prepared me slightly for this. Bc it would be much easier to walk away this time if I had too.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 6, 2017
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  2. SOSo

    SOSo Fapstronaut

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    I don't know what I would do if my husband was also SA. It scares me to think that he could of maybe cheated in the past (swears he hasn't). At this point if he told me he had I would forgive him and move forward, but I don't think he's ever been SA.

    And you're right, some of the most beautiful, talented women I've ever met have been cheated on constantly by their husbands. It's sick. It has nothing to do with them. It's hard to actualize that kind of attribute about yourself and your relationship even though you recognize it about others.
     
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  3. Hotpotts

    Hotpotts Fapstronaut

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    I'm 32G and my SO buys a newspaper with topless pics every day. Other men (and women!) ogle and tell him how lucky he is. He even told me I had lovely boobs the other day but then doesnt touch me except for a cuddle for weeks at a time. So frustrated!!
     
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  4. Ms. Dove

    Ms. Dove New Fapstronaut

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    I know how much it hurts. In the past two years that I have known about my partner's PMO addiction, I have struggled with body image.

    I am a 32A, so I felt shattered when I leaned that he enjoyed porn that was specifically designated as featuring actresses with "big" and "huge" breast sizes. He never seemed to want to look at women who looked like me. In these years, I explored many avenues to mold my body into what I thought he desired. I bought extreme push-up bras, only to be told they look fake. I considered breast enhancement, only to come to the realization that I wasn't willing to go as far as a permanent, surgical solution. I looked into Botox and microdermabrasion to erase my scars. I grew out my hair and colored it, then went back to my natural blonde. I tried long and short nails, French manicures, red nail polish, and all kinds of makeup. More than anything, I wanted to meet his standards, but nothing worked. All he said was that he wanted me to be myself, to which I replied, "but if you liked me as I was, you would be happy with me as I am" (which I now understand is not how these kinds of addictions work). Regardless, felt as though I was a failure and a disappointment because I didn't look like the porn actresses and he didn't appreciate it when I tried.

    While I've made a LOT of progress toward embracing and loving my real self, I still feel insecure (too short, too flat, et cetera). But after four months of my partner's (PM) sobriety, he desires me more now than he ever has. Before giving up PM, we were only intimate about once a month, and even then it was a disappointing experience for us both. Now, we are enjoying a more active sex life, although I am still struggling with body image and trust issues. But this is why I have joined this community: to share struggles, triumphs, questions, and fears with other SOs.

    You are most certainly not alone.
     
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  5. Spiff

    Spiff Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad you didn't do anything you may have ended up regretting simply to appease your partner's porn-warped desires. A lot of the time we porn addicts will compartmentalize our porn world and keep it separate from the real world. Your partner may like looking at a certain thing - but that doesn't necessarily mean he wants you to be that way. Hard as it may be - try not to let it get to you - it's his desires that are malformed not your body.

    Welcome to the forum - I'm glad to hear that things are getting better for you.
     
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  6. Hotpotts

    Hotpotts Fapstronaut

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    I tried so many things to try and entice him away from P. Underwear, high heels, removing pubic hair etc. Now I have decidex he must love me for who I am and the things that won't change with time - like the things I find attractive in him - smile, curly eyelasehes, way he walks, softness of his voice, manly shoulders, profile of his face.
    None of these things will change with time.
    I think my man is coming round. He has been alot more complementary recently and it's making me feel better.
     
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  7. Bel

    Bel Fapstronaut
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    @Jolie @Sadgirl @Broken3 @SOSo @FedUpWifey @Hotpotts @Ms. Dove
    You all sound like me in bits in pieces. I'm in a place right now that I'd rather take a baseball bat to my PA's member rather than his phone or computer. @Jolie I know you are like me and look for common denominators , what I see here are a lot larger than average breast sized women looking to be a majority of partners, 36F here. If that doesn't tell you a PA is not going to care very long about what he has or doesn't that should. It's a cycle of feeling never adequate enough for THEM...other men have never made me feel like that from Joe Blow on the street to past lovers. And what's sad is probably 8 out of 10 Joes are porn viewers.
    My PA has been an asshole this past week...I stress him too much...wtf I stress him?? Lovely, as if incorporating sex back into our equation this week hasn't stressed the hell out of me with still dealing with impotence to a degree at times, chaser effects, but thank god the DE seems to be curbed.
    As some of you mentioned we also develop an aversion to lingerie and the like. My PA was and IMHO is still way too obsessed about it. Case in point, I freaking hate thongs with a passion . They have their purpose in my wardrobe but I don't want to wear them much bc I just don't. Long story short my PA gave me the cold shoulder this past week, limited conversation (bc all I want to bring up is the p&s adds) so I said fuck it he's going to experience ice queen status too. After 2 days he's all have you found someone else ? I'm mentally high fiving myself like good now he knows how that felt.....nope turns out I wore a pair of green thongs that he had seen in the dirty clothes.....seriously omg I go from lace bikini/boy shorts to 1 friggging thong and he's all omg you're moving on....the thong....not my conversation or touch...a frigging article of clothing.....still....:(
    But his reboot is going great.....according to him......
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2017
  8. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    OMG amazing!!
    A thong!
    Buy another and leave it in the car!
    And pop the tag off and leave it between the seats and when he freaks out say "it must have popped off (by way of tag on the ebrake) as I was pulling it out of the car!) lololololol
     
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  9. Wow you ladies actually make me feel like I have average sized boobs for once! lol that's a good thing! 36dd! But yes I know what you mean...it doesn't matter when it comes to this!
     
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  10. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    I'm covered in tattoos tho.
    And I have rainbow hair.
     
  11. Haha your too much! But I love ya!
     
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  12. SOSo

    SOSo Fapstronaut

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    I also find myself not wanting to go swimming or do any fun summer activities because his thing is bikinis and sheer clothing. It's frustrating to not be able to go do these things in the summer heat, and not feeling sexy or beautiful in my swimwear or summer clothes compared to the girls he was looking at. To top it off, he is into
    public sex and voyeurism and girls doing stuff while doing everyday activities or out on the street.
    Nothing feels safe. Even him talking on the phone. I don't want to go outside anymore.


    Even if the thong gave him the idea, the fact that he even was concerned is a little bit of a victory? It could have been a combination of your attitude and the article of clothing. Why is he being so cold to you?
     
    Last edited: Aug 16, 2017
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  13. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    If I was taller .i could be 36... I'm a 28E
    Im attempting to look like a C right now
    #sportsbrastatus
     
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  14. Haha I do the same thing. But then I don't like if my boobs don't look good in a shirt either. No win situations!

    @SOSo go out and make sure you look smoking hot so that even if you don't think he is looking...you KNOW someone else is and he sees it!
     
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  15. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Why not outside?
    Make other eyeballs on you.
    I bet you are beautiful.
    Get one of those cool bikini wrap skirts.
    I want one so bad
    They don't sell them where I live :(
     
    Bel and Deleted Account like this.
  16. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    This
    BrainShare!
     
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  17. SOSo

    SOSo Fapstronaut

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    My self confidence is destroyed at the moment. I'll venture out soon. Sigh.
     
  18. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    We have all been there
    **Hugs**
     
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  19. Bel

    Bel Fapstronaut
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    This....on a daily basis....I'm hot I'm not I'm hot I'm not all playing out in my head. My PA will say "god your gorgeous" and usually the angry megatude woman steps forward and says "yeah asshole, i know , that's not breaking news to me." I even shock myself bc it's like where the hell is this confident chick all the damn time!!?? Honestly I think if I could maintain that confidence I'd cheated or left him way way sooner. The other part just got so beat down I even became oblivious to other men hitting on me. Not any more. Being oblivious is a lot less tempting for sure. I really believe I haven't cheated bc now I look at these guys and think undercover chicken choker. Great mindset I know , but that connotation immediately demasculates them enough that they become not worthy to or for me.
    He was pissed bc i was riding him about his journal on here looking weak af. And he didn't make the 90 day HM, hit 88 with enough curious oddities making me feel there were relapses along the way he omitted. So I stressed him. He's lingerie obsessed. I could have been super nice and he'd been all omg are you cheating....based on 1 article of clothing. Who the hell really knows maybe it's a symbiotic nature of his cuckhold and lingerie fetish....like omg she's banging another dude wearing lingerie, it feels horrible but awesome at the same time. Does that not sound totally insane to think like that?? I wish I could say I'm joking. :mad:
     
  20. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    Yeah you don't sound crazy.
    The things I need on a daily basis... Are insane.
    But at the same time, I like my dick to work.
    Excuse me, that's vulgar.... My SO dick.
    And when it doesn't (because it's so sensitive) it's like *facepalm*
    Damn that supermarket chippy!
    Or the jogger or whatever....
    And he's upset because its emasculating... Um, hello?
    What does that say about me???
    If her for 2!!!!! Seconds, like 5 hours later can make a flat dick??
    *facepalm
     

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