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Need feedback |Attraction/bodylanguage| about myself

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by ClickClickBoom, May 11, 2019.

  1. ClickClickBoom

    ClickClickBoom Fapstronaut

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    Hello fellows,

    Iv been improving myself for about 3 years now consistently, not only on my physical aspect/aesthetics but also on the psychological aspect, (improving my self talk, values and a lot of other aspects) but lately iv been wondering about a couple of aspects about myself that i find hard to understand, sure i studied a fair bit of body language, human psychology and the way we has human being interacted with each others and the outside world.
    Also i read extensively on the habits of several highly successful people and the work of professional life coaches.
    At this point a few aspects about myself still puzzle me so i thought to myself maybe an outside look could benefit me.
    Also, you should know im a straight man, i have an imposing figure (5ft10 strong muscular build, bodybuilding is one of my passions i take great pride in my health, strength and body aesthetics, thankfully i was blessed with an healthy
    body and iv done everything in my power to transcend my limits) and i consider myself to be an introvert (i enjoy my own company and the company of others, going into public makes little difference to me but i don't enjoy crowded/loud places, i can handle it for a while but after some time i start to get uncomfortable) been battling insecurity and social anxiety for a while now and i can happily say iv got it under control for the most part.

    One of the aspect that puzzles me is how attraction work for me, let me explain, we men are visual creature we fall in love through our eyes (for the most part), well visually i don't feel much stimulation, i mean sure i know she is beautifully women when i see one and that she is healthy and takes care of herself but i feel absolutely do urge what so ever to approach her and engage her in conversation no matter what kind of women you put in front of me BUT when i actually start to developed a conversation only then do i actually feel attraction (maybe porn has conditioned me to an extend to not give much value to what i see on the outside and focus more on what truly matters??) just a thought

    The other aspect is that i find people get put off by me, im not ugly or at the very least i don't consider myself to be, maybe they feel intimidate to some extent because of my body? And at the same time i constantly find people looking at me.
    I mean sure we all do this to each other but this always feels a bit off to me
    I'm actually a very kind person (not aggressive nor violent) love to talk and help people who are in need, maybe unconsciously though the years iv developed some sort of self-defence mechanism when my body unconsciously portrays an aggressive bodylanguage?
    The research I've done on language helped me correct some aspects but this still puzzles me to an extent.

    Any and all feedback would be much appreciated, help me become better than i was yesterday. :)

    Best wishes,
     
    justafriend and CH3RRY like this.
  2. Euphorer

    Euphorer Fapstronaut

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    You seem to be confident about yourself. Maybe the image you project is of someone of high value; therefore, people avoid you because they don't want to waste your time.

    Haha, just a thought.
     
    CH3RRY likes this.
  3. ClickClickBoom

    ClickClickBoom Fapstronaut

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    That's a possibility, in the past people told me that once they got to know me better they got surprised, sort of like that saying "Don't judge a book by its cover" sort of thing.

    Thanks for the feedback
     
    CH3RRY likes this.
  4. Men and women are much less different than you think . If people are avoiding you try to relax and not project your emotions or judgements this can change your body language ever so slightly and people can see / detect it unconsciously most of time some people that are very observant can see it consciously . Take in mind judgemental thoughs will come up or any thoughts but they are just thoughts . Just pay attention to your body when you have these thoughts so they don't show through your facial expression or body if you don't want them to .
     
    CH3RRY likes this.
  5. ClickClickBoom

    ClickClickBoom Fapstronaut

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    Will do, thanks for the feedback
     
    CH3RRY likes this.
  6. CH3RRY

    CH3RRY Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Are you being genuine out there? I have also wondered this same matter and I came to the conclusion that I simply haven't been my genuine self. People would react weirdly (from my point of view) to me sometimes when I wasn't portraying the real me out to them. Acting reserved by not showing genuine expressions or emotions would give a reserved image of myself. It's like not being able to look into another person's eyes, it isn't the genuine you. No one is like that. Insecurities and negative thoughts lead to not being able to function properly in social situations.

    I used to be like that. Then I changed drastically. I started sorting my life out, tackling my insecurities and finding out how I really am. If you have a lot of internal issues, you are socially anxious and awkward. When you have little to none, you are your true self. The kind of person who looks at another human being straight into their eyes in a genuine manner. Though I will say that since many people aren't their genuine selves, they can get intimidated by this. But that's only a small amount of people. Most people are confident and they won't react negatively to a genuine person. But if you aren't being genuine, it will affect how you act.
     
    justafriend likes this.
  7. ClickClickBoom

    ClickClickBoom Fapstronaut

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    I felt oppressed for a long time, unable to express myself stuck in an endless cycle of self-pity, self-loathing and self-destruction the feeling of numbness was with me for so long that i actually lost touch with reality sometimes.

    i can say that now im genuine has much has possible i try to speak in the most genuine way possible to people but at the same time i rather remain silent then to act sometimes, like that old saying goes "Better to Remain Silent and Be Thought a Fool than to Speak and Remove All Doubt" i don't really mind be thought of has a fool by other its just that there are so few people that im able to have a real conversation with... people are just so... bland, they say they want something and after a few days they want something completely different, no congruency whats so ever, their values contradict with them selves and all i can think is "how the Fu*k are this people sane and im the broken one?" .

    But yes i agree with what you pointed out, i still have room for improvement and i will continue walking the right path.

    Thanks for your feedback
     
    CH3RRY likes this.
  8. ClickClickBoom

    ClickClickBoom Fapstronaut

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    We are all insecure, society nowadays conditions us to be that way, i know that i have my insecurities, doesn't mean i accept them, and if i don't find it acceptable in myself then it needs to change.

    Appreciate your comment
     
    CH3RRY likes this.

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