Need Advice On Sex In Reboot

Hi Triplex VIII, I'm in a similar situation to you also 24 and married. I used to have high drive and have sex everyday but that slowly reduced to pretty much nothing due to P use.

At the moment I'm doing hard mode. I've definitely worried that I would just be using O with my wife to replace the PMO. I don't think there is necessarily anything wrong with having sex in a reboot as at the end of the day sex with your partner is meant to be natural and intimate. One of the main reasons I am doing NoFap is to feel that intimacy again with my wife.

I would perhaps consider trying to go a period of days without O though, just to prove to yourself that you can. Your drive does seem high - it sounds like you were both having sex daily and masturbating regularly as well. Have you considered that you might be addicted to sex?

 

Hi TripleX. I have struggled with the same issues. Can I ask, why do you want to stop P and M ?
I was worried about what my drive would be like because I was worried my wife would want more if it dropped off, and look else where. Silly really because she is so loving and committed and never given me any reason to belief she would stray.
Can I ask, does your wife know what you are trying to do?
Nick

 

Hi,

I think it depends on your wife, too. So what are her preferences? Does she like it the way it is now? Does she like the way you treat her sexually? How openly you can talk about sex, your PMO and NoFap?

It very much depends, and I think talking about these things can still be difficult for you (two) in your age and you (one) have to be cautious and prepared for some emotional distress when opening it. But you both have a good chance to gain a lot since you realised your problem relatively early! Congrats!!

I agree with JamesTheSquirrel post, including the no-O period. Ideally, if your wife is informed about your “experiment”. Or you can make an agreement that it will be only her who can start sexual activities in that period of time. Take that time to understand your physical and emotional feelings. It is doable

If you feel angry about her not being sexually active (your sexual needs can turn into angry easily, especially when “urgent”) don’t worry. It will get better and your marriage will survive it, I believe! Opened communication is your best friend here.

But she may love/want sex as much as you do and do not want to give it up or she may not like initiating sexual activities herself, or she even does not see any problem with you and your sexual live, … So as I said, it depends…

Anyway, if you feel like it’s not OK with you, the point is to become more conscious of yourself. To start distinguishing your inner motivations. When you both enjoy violent sex because you just got into such situation, when you two want to be emotional and close to each other, and when you (one) eventually (ab)use her for your uncontrolled needs. And the last may happen from time to time. Then just take the lesson from it and try doing better.

Learn how to treat your wife, your marriage and your personal life with love and care not being obsessed by sex. If she is in it with you, the better. If not, make better yourself. She will acknowledge the new person growing in front of her eyes, I am pretty sure!

ps:
1) There is no “normal” sexual drive. Depends on age, time the couple has been together, personal preferences. We were told that men “need” sex and orgasm. We here on NoFap generally believe that a man can live without orgasm but will die (at least effectively) without love and healthy relations

2) I do not believe sex with your beloved partner can prevent you from rebooting, although it may take longer and you will have to fight Chaser effect. The more important is to work on changing the way you think about sex/orgasm (like it is not here to be taken like a piece of candy whenever you want and yes, you are strong enough to survive without it). And that’s why no-O mode is helpful – to learn something about yourself and get that confidence.