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Nathan, 29, Introductions

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by NathanC, May 19, 2017.

  1. NathanC

    NathanC New Fapstronaut

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    Hi NoFap,

    I am Nathan. I'm 29 living in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Graduated from the University of New Mexico 2016. Writer. Actor. Artist. Aries. Recent Fapstronuat.

    2017 is a year of change for me. I've started some real committed work to several goals I've wanted to achieve. I started watching the reddit in April and I joined the reddit on May 3rd. My plan is to go 30 days with out PMO, then decide if I'm pushing on to 90 days. I have a girlfriend and we are in a committed open relationship. We've been together over a year. In my current goal, O from sex with others is allowed. Edging constitutes a break of a streak. Sitting down to watch porn constitutes break of a streak. Masturbation constitutes the break of a streak, though I've been on the fence about stating that overtly because I am not sure that there's anything wrong with M/O without the P. For the time being though, I think it's best I completely abstain. For now I've been unable to go longer than a 2 day streak. I'd like to break past that.

    I've come to NoFap because I've been concerned about my habits for a while. I feel like my time and energy spent PMO-ing could be better spent somewhere else. It's been a thing I've dealt with since 6th grade or so. I was about 11 or 12 when I first encountered adult material. It's been a thing as long as I've had a computer and it's been harder to deal with now that I have a phone. PMO has been a way of coping with life and my anxieties. I often feel ashamed of myself as a person in general; I have a low self-image and a lack of self-confidence. I can see that the more I use PMO to cope with my feelings of isolation the more it makes me isolated. It's a major part of the reason I am here; to stop the cycle of isolation until I'm completely non-functional.

    I wrote down a few reasons and goals about why I decided to join and what I hope to get out of NoFap.
    • I feel like abstaining will help me become more productive because I'll have more time to spend on projects I have planned and developing skills I want to build.
    • I want to become more social and I feel that abstaining from PMO will encourage me to get out and visit more with others. That will help me practice more social skills and charisma and build confidence. (Lack of self confidence I feel like is part of my reason for habitually PMO-ing.)
    • I want to be in control of myself. I want to feel like I am in charge, not my urges.
    • I want to cultivate self-discipline.
    • I want to see if I can increase testosterone in my body. Between it's role in muscle development, weight-loss, and other bio-chemical reactions I'm starting to see it's importance.
    • I want to reset. For many years I've had access to (pardon the exaggeration) the world's most powerful Skinner box and I believe it may have dulled my senses, created barriers to intimacy, and been a detriment to sex with a partner. Porn is a theatricalized/dramatized and glamorized depiction of sex. It's not really a real depiction of sex or intimacy. It's performative. Being allowed to see that since I was young, I feel, has become part of the way I view sex, sexuality, and intimacy and know that is a skewed perception of that
    • I want to start imagining again. I feel like PMO has dulled my own ability not only to be sensitive to a physical partner but to engage in my own fantasies, which in turn, means my imagination is less practiced and less powerful because of it. This is a problem for me; I work in a creative field and I need all the imagination I can get.
    • I want to see if there is some sort of energy I can harness for creativity by abstaining.
    • I am joining is because porn is not really what I want. Simulated sexual intimacy isn't really what I want. Enjoying sex with others is what I want. Being accepted and prized by women is what I want. Feeling confident in myself, feeling worthy of being in the world is what I want. Accomplishing my goals and feeling accomplished is what I want.
    • I want to feel clean. I don't think masturbation in and of itself is bad, dirty, or amoral. I think masturbation alone is a fine way to discover and assert ones' sexuality. It's an expression of autonomy. I however have some guilt associated with PMO and I think that ultimately that guilty feeling inhibits me from being able to function well in the rest of my life and goals.
    I've returned to meal tracking and dieting and working out and I've lost 20 lbs since January. I'm at 260 looking to drop to 250 by July and further as the year goes on. I do cardio, resistance (weights), and I'm looking forward to the Tap dance class I'm picking up to improve flexibility. I mention this because I'm interested to see how I can use this to focus myself on something other than PMO and to explain that I'm not a stranger to planning, attempting, and accomplishing goals. I know that habit building is a marathon and not a race.

    I'm learning German and Spanish, learning charisma, rhetoric, reading more, writing more, gearing up for NaNoWriMo 2017, working on starting my film career and other things. I watch a lot of YouTube.

    This community seems to be supportive and encouraging. I hope to find success here and to support others.

    I appreciate you reading this.

    Nathan
     
    D . J . and Elsey-man like this.
  2. Elsey-man

    Elsey-man New Fapstronaut

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    All the best, mate!
     
    NathanC likes this.
  3. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and sometimes challenge you but not judge you.

    The enemy is here to steal, kill and destroy. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     
    NathanC likes this.
  4. NathanC

    NathanC New Fapstronaut

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    Thank you D.J. Glad to be here.

    My current strategies include keeping the safe search on Google and Tumblr and to text my girlfriend when I feel an urge. I've been going through my files and deleting the stash so that it's not on my phone or my PC. And I've been focusing on reading, working out, or writing when the urge hits.

    I'd welcome any other tips you may have, bud.
     
  5. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    NathanC likes this.

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