Narcissistic

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by evanbook03, Mar 29, 2019.

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  1. evanbook03

    evanbook03 Fapstronaut

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    I know that at least some level, I'm a narcissist. I must be, given the behaviour I've been capable of, and how I've hurt my wife and others. What I don't know, is if I'm naturally narcissistic, self centered, empathy-lacking, etc., or if my addictive behaviour has brought it on/exacerbated it. It may seem like an unimportant question, given that regardless of personality issues, perceived or real, the need to abstain remains the same. But I'm scared that I'm truly a narcissist, that I'll always lack empathy, that I could never really love somebody. Has anyone else in recovery felt this way and noticed less narcissistic feelings as they abstained/recovered?
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2019
  2. CORAZZON

    CORAZZON Fapstronaut

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    I've felt similar to that, when you do some digging into how PMO affects your reward center in the brain, it will start to make sense to you.

    Take a look into some of these resources available here- https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/new-users-list-of-rebooting-resources.50878/

    They'll help you understand how PMO has changed your brains perception on what makes it happy. It can start seeming like nothing else can make you happy, besides PMO, but it doesnt have to be like that. When you start understanding the why, you can plan for the how to stop it.
     
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  3. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    If you share some of the things you’ve done then we may Ben able to help, mate.

    Personally if you recognise that you’re a narcissist, then that’s a positive thing, as most narcissists won’t recognise they are one (I had a friend who was one).
     
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  4. evanbook03

    evanbook03 Fapstronaut

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    That's one thing that gives me some hope, because I don't feel like I quite fit the bill for a classic narcissist. The things I've done are very narcissistic though, I've cheated on my wife numerous times via messaging apps/personals and physically with mostly men. I was addicted to taking on a submissive role with other guys, and I still don't know the reasoning behind it really. I'm a very masculine guy, but I was constantly seeking out feminine fantasies and acts with men and a few women.i would do all these things, and it was like I wasn't capable of feeling how it would hurt my wife, and myself, if I was found out (and I was, inevitably). That's why I feel so narcissistic, I've spent years focused on my own sexual satisfaction and it's like I can't FEEL how it would affect her or others, and I realize how wrong it is but it's this feeling of me not being able to bring myself to care.
     
  5. Abetterbrain

    Abetterbrain Fapstronaut

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    H
    Have you had help from a professional?
     
  6. evanbook03

    evanbook03 Fapstronaut

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    I've just started recently, though I just had my last meeting with my current therapist and start with a new one this week. There's been some insights with a therapist but I think sometimes I might need an actual psychiatrist or something.
     
  7. psymed

    psymed Fapstronaut

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    Having studied medicine and psychology I can tell that a psychiatrist, prescribing medication, wouldn‘t necessarily be of any more help. The good thing is that empathy and compassion can be learned. On the other hand one can also be a narcissist without watching porn, though it might contribute to strong sexual urges. In real narcissism there‘s some kind of inner emptiness, trying to be filled by various strategies. It‘s a journey to discover the real issues that are beneath those drives.
     
  8. evanbook03

    evanbook03 Fapstronaut

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    I think I must have meant a psychologist, as I'm not interested in medication currently. I certainly hope I'm able to learn commission and empathy as I progress
     
  9. psymed

    psymed Fapstronaut

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    I feel you, man. I‘m dealing with very similar issues. It took a partner who did all those things to ME before I was able to feel how much pain I caused in my former relationships by acting this way. Was a rough awakening, though.
     
  10. thatsingleindividual#K-13

    thatsingleindividual#K-13 Fapstronaut

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    The thing is, I think, that some of your problems here, as a lot of us are going through this, is that our sexual mishaps tend to reflect narcissistic qualities. When we pursue sex in a contorted approach, it reflects a narcissistic facet due to it being always self-centered, where one is willing to do anything in order to obtain the pleasure that they seek.
    But you, my friend, are not a narcissist in full. By no means; the fact that you're worrying about it (something similar to what someone else mentioned above) proves that you're not a narcissist, not a genuine one. Now, one can be self-centered but not a narcissist. One can be unsympathetic to a degree, but that does not mean that they are a narcissist.
    If I may make a suggestion, since you've said you had a wife; do something for the hell of it! Go out of your way for her and do something nice! Take her out to dinner, a steak or seafood dinner! Take her to a movie! A walk in the park! Spice up the romance!
    I believe it'll be a remedy for both of you, a double-reward. I'm not married but I don't think I have to be in order to see such measures can very well be a positive thing.
     
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  11. jarvyjarvison

    jarvyjarvison Fapstronaut

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    Dude, you're not a narcissist. Narcissists lack insight and remorse. You know you have a problem and you feel bad about it so you're not a narcissist. Also, you don't seem to have an inflated sense of self. I thought I was a sociopath for a while but I went and talked to someone about it and they told me the same thing. Basically, people without empathy or remorse don't see anything wrong with themselves and they don't seek help. The whole reason you're beating yourself up and calling yourself a narcissist is because you feel bad about it. A true narcissist would never acknowledge that he or she is a narcissist.
     
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  12. plugg

    plugg Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for sharing. I don't think you're inherently a narcissist. I think you, like many of us, have been in the grip of a serious sexual addiction for a very long time and that it has taken you on quite an extreme journey. I have a fairly similar story, going from normal porn to gay porn and femdom porn. I too went behind my girfriends back by looking at this stuff and although I knew it would hurt her if she knew, I still did it again and again. It was like I wasn't in control. I feel terrible about it. The good news is that you, like many of us on here are trying to beat your addiction and get to understand why you are here. How it came to this. I wish you all the best brother.
     
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