My wife used my computer and saw it all...

So a little over a week ago my wife sat me down and told me that she had to use my computer and found my collection of PMO. She was so hurt, by what she found, she couldn't believe her eyes. So I told her the truth, why it was on my computer and what caused me to fall back into this stuff. I promised her I would delete everything and get back on to this forum to recover. It was a rough few days after that. Than she asked me to read a book called " Every Man's Battle". What a life changing book. I'm a Christian but have not been living like on. I've always worked to be better than the "normal" guy, but after reading the book, that falls short of what God's desire for me. 1st his desire for me is to be obedient to his word. Not the world standard. So, once I agree that is true, what does his word say about PMO. PMO falls under sexual impurity. And God wants men to be sexual pure. Only looking at his wife in that special way. Not a picture, or video, magazine, someone in person, a lady walking by. No one. Once I accepted God's truth and the truth of the book. I committed that I will not look at another woman the way God only wants me to look at my wife. So I told her that. Its only been a few days since I been doing this, but I tell you WOW. I catch myself noticing the little things about her. Oh how much more she has become to me over these last couple of days. If you haven't read this book, I highly recommend it.

I prayed for forgiveness, and God is just to forgave me of all my sin and unrighteousness. God than talked with me and asked me to do two things. One confess my sin at church and two ask my kids for forgiveness for letting this still time away from them. Today I did both.

It hard to put into words the freedom and release I have. My eyes are ever toward the Lord, for he will free me from the net. Psalms 25:15.

 

That is it, it not easy. But it starts with a commitment. A commitment to God, to my wife, to my kids, to myself. I wish it was that easy and I didn't mean to make it sound easy. I'm going to have to recommit myself to God, to my wife every day. Even when I'm mad at her, when the world has beat me down. I still have to commit to controlling my eyes and only look at my wife. Find new ways of stress relief. I've been at this many years, but have never felt this type of hope, this type of support, and the strength to overcome. Yesterday when I lift church my chest was full of energy. I could fill God flowing though my enter most parts. This is a battle I will win! I owe it to my wife, I promised her father to take care of her. In front of a whole church I promised to cherish her. I can't do that with PMO in my life. So pray for me, pray with me that the hold of PMO will be released from all of us- so we can rise up and be the men God has created up to be.

 

Thanks for the suggestion. I will look into it.

 

I am the only one who can keep this promise. God didn't give us the command to be sexual pure, unless he knew we can do it. Yes, I can't do it by myself. But with his strength I can. But you, oh Lord, be not far from me, for you are my strength, come quickly to my help. I never make a commitment lightly, I believe I can do this. I believe every man who choose to do this can. Yes it will be hard, but I need encouragement, I need agreement with what God has for me.

As for me being busted, I'm glad I got busted. No, it wasn't a pleasant talk with my wife. And for days she looked at me with tears in her eyes, with so must pain and hurt. I have to remember that. I'm not doing this just for her, but God, myself, my kids, my church, my family. Because as long as we are under the spell of PMO we can't be the best person this world needs. And this world needs godly men.

On to the next book, called Every Man's marriage.

 

Update, today makes 100 days since my wife confronted me on what she saw on my computer. We have talked about it and been to counseling. I have destroyed all the porn I had. I've re-read "Everyman's Battle", and been practicing bouncing my eyes and controlling my thoughts. Admittedly, the way women dress and how we portray women on TV, Ads, movies has not made bouncing my eyes easy. Some women dress with there boobs hanging out, and so many wear yoga pants now, it difficult to not to want to look and steer, but I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at other women (Job 31:1). So, when I first notice a women in clothes like that, I quickly turn my head. It's becoming second nature, even at times when I want to look, I still turn my head. With the eye candy gone, my desires, urges, for PMO have greatly been reduced. The times with my wife have become must better since she is my only source for my sexual desires. This isn't something I can do by myself, I have the help of the Holly Spirit, my wife, and this forum. My wife has been open to quickies, which is nice, she even enjoys them. Quickies help fulfil sexual desires that ins the past I might have turned to PMO. The good thing about quickies is it is blessed by God in the relationship of marriage. The good thing that my wife did is she read the book "Every Heart Restored", a women's book to help explain "Everyman's Battle". In the book it help explains her role in all this. Seems like I'm rambling, I just wanted to say, I made it to 100 days and yes these are a true 100 days without PMO or even P-subs or things that our sociality my say is ok, but is not God's standard.

 

Wave Surfer, I respectfully disagree with you. God's will is for us to be sexually pure. The books give us a way to do this. The books doesn't say women are asexual, my wife surely is not asexual. She read Every heart restore, by the same authors and loved it. She is so glad that I read and took to heart the Everyman battle book. God is happy that I took this to heart. My marriage is stronger. I don't look at women the same way, I look at their faces, I respect them. It taught me my wife is my one and only sexual desire and all other women are off limits even from my eyes. The same thing the Jesus taught on. I'll check out the other books you stated, because I believe God's desire for me is to stay on this path. Over 100 days, is big for me, I give all the credit to God.

 

Wave Surfer, I'm not sure where you get the refusing to look women in the eyes from. I look women more in the eyes now then I did before I read the book. I have always had a respect for women, seeing both my grandma and mother raise 3 kids on there own. And all six kids where professionals. I don't remember the book encouraging men not to respect women in any form, and I did not get that from the book. I got that God wants us to be sexual pure. All other sins that a man commits is outside the body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. So the goal is not to be free from PMO, but to live a sexual pure life. The book doesn't only talk about bouncing your eyes, but controlling your thoughts, and developing a sword and shield verse from the Bible that you can use to battle against these desires. It teaches your wife is your only source of sexual desires (God's plan, not the book's). My wife cares much about other people and would not be with me if I showed disrespect to other women. That one reason she was so hurt by the porn. Porn shows disrespect, not this book. If this book is not for you, fine, not a big deal. But it did help me, and I believe it can help others. I'm for the first time sexual pure and will not go back.

 

Wave Surfer. You made me think more about why I like this book so much and why it changed my life like no other except for the Bible. The first and foremost thing I got from the book is to live a sexual pure life from God standpoint and not the worlds. God's perspective of sexual purity is much higher than the worlds. As Jesus stated if you look lustfully at a woman for commit adultery. So looking at porn, women in swim suits, Victoria Secret ads is not being sexual pure. Sexual pure starts with your eyes. Job even states I made a convenient not to look lustfully at young women. Job one of the oldest books in the Bible. Job a man that God bragged about, knew that we must control what we see. You state it teaches not to look at women. I didn't get that, it teaches not to share at women's private parts or women who get your motor going. For example a woman in a tight shirt whos has half her buttons undone. For me its women in yoga pants. It teaches these images are the right of the husband alone and we have no right to look at her that way. It teaches to us to control what we see that includes Ads, movies, magazines, porn... It teaches us to only look at your wife in this manner. I got nothing from it as to disrespect anyone. But to respect a woman's private appearance, even if she does not.

Also if you wish to discuss the merits of the book, I would love to, but leave my wife out of it. You don't know her and your comments are not appropriate. Lets keep the discussion on the book.