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My way through sissy hell and 50 days of freedom

Discussion in 'Success Stories' started by Foxhole, May 10, 2018.

  1. supersaha

    supersaha Fapstronaut

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    GUD MAN ..WELL DONE
     
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  2. Rocket Mode

    Rocket Mode Fapstronaut

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    I just stated my opinion. We all know words cause triggers and I just thought I'd say it so that the op can keep it in mind thats all.
    And if you wanna be aggressive, do it somewhere else, this is not a place to take out your issues on others, but to help and grow together. Learn to be nice when someone is making constructive criticism and not get emotional like a child, cause you just embarrass yourself.
    have a good day pal

    Thanks but no need to defend for me, I can handle some random person on the internet.
     
  3. PMO addict

    PMO addict Fapstronaut

    @Foxhole
    Great thread! I found it very helpful. I was probably getting a little more into this fetish with each relapse. I even bought some items and stuff like that. I kind of wanted to be a woman at times and see what that was like. I think if I just stay clean and don't use PMO, then I will eventually meet a woman, and be happy with her. And not need other stuff. That's what I hope anyway. The cravings for certain types of PMO still get to me but I think it will lose its grip. I have alot of issues though so quitting PMO is just the tip of the iceberg. Living without PMO is painful at times for me because I used to numb all this out. But I will keep going.
     
    Gmork likes this.
  4. Foxhole

    Foxhole Fapstronaut

    Hi pal. Thanks for reply. What helped me most on my way was to know, that im not alone in this and that it was caused by porn and not some genuine need of mine.
    Anyway all that pmo shit didnt worth it. I remember how i always tried to be more girly, more slutty, more kinky and submisive and i thought, that if i will i'll be finaly happy. But it was the oposite. The more i tried and the more i fall into this i feel more unsatisfied and empty.
    I believe that the longer you stay away from PMO, the happier your life will be. Youll get back your sensitivity and enjoy life again. For me it was no particular thing that change. It was the way i enjoy everything in my life.
    Stay strong, keep doing positive changes in your life and you'll find the happiness. And thanks again for read through my stuff.
     
  5. programer

    programer Fapstronaut

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    Very Inspiring. All the best in your fight.

    REM: PORN KILLS LOVE. FIGHT FOR LOVE!
     
    Foxhole likes this.
  6. _Xavier_

    _Xavier_ Fapstronaut

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    I remember watching or listening to this a while ago. It goes into the depths of where the fettish likely came from. I guarantee that anyone doing this was not born this way! Your brain had to make some adjustments on the way (porn related or not) to survive and I think this video might be useful to some of you.
     
  7. Foxhole

    Foxhole Fapstronaut

    Hi, thanks for your reply. I actually listen to the whole thing and i have to say it was really interesting and useful. I guess that lack of real relationships is a real breeding ground for all kind of fetishes.

    Interesting thing is, that I've been in relationship with a girls almost all the time for last 10 or 12 years. But i started with this whole PMO thing before i started to dating, so i always had something to hide. The more i hid my kinks the more i got isolated and can't really open in the relationship and it led to more fantasy relationship seeking and it became a downward spiral.

    I still feel it's hard for me to open and be honest in relationship and i really dont have much friends (i guess i just suck at relationships in general). But i feel that the more i try to be honest and talk about things with my SO (which is sometimes really uncomfortable) the less i feel addicted and unhappy.

    So yeah, virtual relationships and kinks are easy and accesible, but they're also consuming and harmful to us.
     
  8. _Xavier_

    _Xavier_ Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad it was useful to you! As far as you sucking at relationships, I would bet that you just received poor training.

    If you were learning how to crochet from a coach, and your coach sucked (I mean really sucked) at making crochet, does that make you bad at crochet?
    I think the answer is hell no, because you haven't had the chance to properly crochet. Same deal with relationships. I can't let you self blame for this when I imagine your mom and dad were so distant that you found more solace in sissy porn and a furry fetish than them.

    I'm glad that you mentioned honesty and how it can be uncomfortable, but at the same time very beneficial. I have a free book linked in my signature right below called Real Time Relationships and it is a great start if you are worried about your ability to have a healthy relationship (this book is solid). I believe it will delve into the depths of why you are uncomfortable with honesty and other things that you probably wouldn't expect. It was the most enlightening book I have read in my life. Hope it helps. It is by the same guy that did the video I posted.
     
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  9. Foxhole

    Foxhole Fapstronaut

    Thanks again, i'll give the book a try.

    P.S. I suck at crochet even more than i suck at relationships :emoji_joy::emoji_joy::emoji_joy:
     
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  10. Mordecai

    Mordecai New Fapstronaut

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    I could really relate to the struggles as someone who also pays a % of his income to sex toys and womens underwear. I don't read many success stories on this fetish, and with the increasing popularity of this fetish (and people who indulge it) it gets kinda lonely. Thank you for sharing your story.
     
  11. hijodelaluna18

    hijodelaluna18 Fapstronaut

    Thank you so much for sharin your experience. Ive been PMoing for 20 years MO for 27.
    I started with,straight,interracial adult porn of girls with big T. It scalated to mostly BJs. The bear stripper thing...Idid started to realize I wasnt turned on by a woman by herself like before,there had to be a penis.Then I started to imagine myself in the palce of the girl,wondering wht she felt giving Bjs and I acted on the urges after 2 years of mentally trying to get it out my mind but now I see I wasnt going to succeed while keeping PMO adn specially BJs.
    I never crossed away to gay or tran porn.BUt after developing ED I started enjoying women humiliating me for being a secret sissy. Somehow I felt... why are you watching this but it wasnt enough to make me realize I had a problem.I thought hey its just a fantasy everybody has fetishes. I had information about urbrainonporn and what scalating meant but when I read about it years ago I was still using only straight porn.I thought well these guys re bit crazy it wont happen to me tht fetish porn is disgusting..
    Last year has been the red alarm for me cause while drunk I started to consider a posibility bending over for a man.The dopamine rush of BJs was not enouh and thats something my true self would never ever consider even a posibility. And yes I was envy of girls being able to give Bjs all day long if they want to while I had to hide mysefl in shame..and I also started to see teens in the street and nasty fantasy images would pop my mind..or see a beautiful little girl and think..when she grows up she will do this and that...twisted thoughts like that.I felt very nasty for having those kind of thoughts.Ive never looked at young girls that perverted way.I wasnt going to act on anything but I got a real sense of: wait a minute,this is not you at all. you are considering bendin for a guy and have nasty thoughts of teens,this is not you...So I decided to research again and I saw that all these comunities have grown and lot of support and testimonials.We know much more now than we did in 2012.
    Im sure I would have ended like some of you guys crossdressing and stuff.I thnk God I didnt,the shame I feel for giving oral to men is enough itself.
    We just need to stay away from triggers. yesterday i was in a club in the rest room,I would usually side eye to look at the guys penis on the side,but I didnt. I want to stay away from nude males as much as I can until I dont even consider it posibility.In only 22 days I see I think of it less and less but when accidentally see a trigger the response is very strong due to abstinence.
    So thats it guys avoid public restrooms and spend as little time as you can in the gym showers, ..it can be done. There was a time when we only had girls and we were happy,they are beautiful and sexy we just have to remind ourselves that we dont need a guy or a trans to O. We have conditioned our brains to that. A playboy used to be enough,a woman is all we really need we are designed to that.
     
    Ukulele likes this.
  12. Foxhole

    Foxhole Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your reply. I actually had separated bank account for porn-related stuff and i send there % from every paycheck. It was soooo insane!
    I hope it helped at least a little. You can also join this group here:
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?groups/recovering-from-sissy-porn.47/
    There are a lot of guys with tha same issue.
    Wish you all the best, dude.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  13. Foxhole

    Foxhole Fapstronaut

    Thanks for your reply. You are totally right. To stay away from triggers and live as decently as posible is the best way from this kind of addiction. I remember how i thought Im so over the thing and nothing can happen to me. But the stuff still escalated more and more. I started fantasize about men and i thought, whats wrong with me? At the same time i thought Iam a twisted weirdo and i cant change and it's just an innocent kink... Phew... im so glad i decided to quit that shit.
    Congratulations to your success dude. Good luck on your journey.
     
  14. hijodelaluna18

    hijodelaluna18 Fapstronaut

    Thank you but its not my merit,its these whole communities where we help each other,at first men and now even women. Its really a beautiful experience seeing people of all ages races and gender coming together supportin each other sharing their failures and weakness in order to heal.
    Today I have deleted the add I had at a NSA section to find discreet men. I think its a big step.Cause I wasnt activelly looking for an encounter anymore in chat rooms or whatever,but I kept the add just in caase this huge guy would write. last week a guy responded and it was a trigger,he sent a pic and something curious happened. At first I saw the picture and felt absolutey nothing. I had to look at it intensiy for more seconds to get an excitement.so somehow I felt that nofap makes you less vulnerable.The same way I was not compelled to look at the guy in the restroom.It wasnt difficult at all avoid looking.there was interest but I wasnt that much interested.Theres a part of me that still likes it but not like before.This is a struggle but everything can be done with faith and determination.
     
    Foxhole likes this.
  15. hijodelaluna18

    hijodelaluna18 Fapstronaut

    Its so great you have a stress free life now...if I have stress over watching porn and over giving ocasional BJ to strangers I can imagine keeping all those nasty material at home or wherever has to be very stressing always fearing someone will find out. Im so happy for you.
    Thats one of the main things that led me to NOFAP, the stress over been taken out of the closet as a BJ giver has tortured me. I even fear to this day some of my old friends who study computer engineering may have hack my computer IP or the fake emails I use skype and know the truth.One of them one day I was talkin to him about a girl that didnt love me back..and he said maybe you whould try guys...I took it as a joke but inside I was feeling he knew something,he knows computer and works in police dept..its so easy for someone at police to access a computer.we really dont know to what extent this people get into our private stuff.Same happened with someone in my family that I had not seen in long time,third cousin or something also policeman he gave me a look that wasnt like before and I didnt like the feeling at all.Seemed like he knew something too. Sometimes I feel like my whole entourage knows I give BJs. That shit is makin me go crazy changing my passwords deleting photos...not worth all this stress for an O. sometimes I think ..man its all in your head they cant possibily know...other times Im like..they surely know...I try not to meet those people.I dont know how I would react if they actknoledge that they know.My woe world would brake.Ive been having this double life for many years trying my best to keep them separated I woud be complety broken.I got this alpha macho homophobic public persona,womanizer..and the secret sissy one so for anybody finding out would be too humiliating
     
    Last edited: Nov 12, 2018
    Foxhole likes this.
  16. Payne Plank

    Payne Plank Fapstronaut

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    That's inspiring, bro
    I used to read one post where the author gradually turned into gay with years of watching gay porn.
    No porn, stay simple. Wishing you the best.
     
    Foxhole likes this.
  17. hijodelaluna18

    hijodelaluna18 Fapstronaut

    Hi guys Im here to tell you that after 35 days on NOFAP my homo cravings are gone.I can even hang out at the chat room where I would usually hook up with guys but when guys tak to me its a NO and I mean theres not a single doubt in my mind about.
    I just feel as grossed about it as I felt before falling deep in PMO wher I owuld not even consider having an homo relationship.
    Im definately back to be my true self.
    So guys there is hope,I writing this to inspire everybody who is struglin with sissy thoughts homo cravings etc.
    I cant promise you will have the same resuslts im having and I dont know how long it can take for you cause everybodys sexuality is different and some people is more prone to adiction than others.
    What I can tell you is what happened to me. Im a guy that couldnt stop thinking about penises all day long and gave oral to men in secret. and after NOFAP it doesnt cross my mind in all day and when I gget a proposal I find it disgusting.
    Now I know it for sure.
    Porn makes you gay,period. so many images of penises daily over years fuk up your brain.Fortunately theres a cure.
    I cant express with words how good it feels to be a straight man again. No matter how hard the guys try to convince me,no matter how many windows pop up..Im just not interested.
     
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  18. Kungfupo1

    Kungfupo1 New Fapstronaut

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    After watching the full thing I found it very helpful and that its relates heavily to my porn induced fantasy of feminization. He says something along the lines of "with knowing the framework, it's no longer a fetish". I think for me it definitely has to do with neglect from my parents while being loved/looked after by my sister and her friends. Growing up without any strong Male role models that didn't reject me. (Which most of them did, starting with my father). So where the caller in the video's framework is that he bonded with the otter family more than his own. Can anybody else share their idea of the framework of their fetish.
     
    Foxhole likes this.
  19. Wow my friend thank you for the amazing and powerful post. I'm literally going the same thing like word for word. I have been calling fmdeep these last 2 months but I'm back on track now and with your story I feel even more powerful a d able to move on thank you
     
    Foxhole likes this.
  20. CS1

    CS1 Fapstronaut

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    Most of the addicted in the same way , what about today? I think you passed 10 months
     

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