My Urges come when i get angry because of a mistake i made in the past.

If there is a way to make this mistake that you made in the past right then make it right. I made a regretful mistake in the past and it caused me to become depressed and have bad thoughts about hurting people and it got so bad that I became afraid of these thoughts because I thought that I would act on them. So I started to see a counselor and she gave me advice on how to make these thoughts go away. She told me that when a bad thought comes to mind then try to think of something good or something that makes you happy. I started doing it and it helped the bad thoughts go away and now I barely even get those thoughts anymore. So what I am trying to say is that when that mistake comes up in your head and thoughts then try to think of something good or something that makes you happy. I dont know if that will help you or not but it helped me. I hope it can help you.

 

Well how I like to look at things in my perspective is to not expect anything from anyone. Example...'If you were to open the door for someone then you would expect a thankyou but in my perspective If I were to open a door for someone then I wouldnt expect anything from anyone'. In your situation you feel like someone owes you something. Your expecting something from that person. You feel like you cant be free unless you get that something from that someone but in reality its your choice whether you wanna be free or not.

 

Anger is always the reason why I relapse. But this can disappear completely if you give yourself some real sex. Or a good massage. (massage liberates oxytocin, that helps to maintain the body in a parasympathetic way - it might not make the anger disappear, but it certainly helps to control it).