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My therapist didnt care about my porn addiction.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Bluespace123, Aug 6, 2018.

  1. Bluespace123

    Bluespace123 Fapstronaut

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    About a year ago I started seeing a therapist, I didn't go for very long cause she wasent very helpful to my needs. I had originally told her I came to therapy for depression, I didn't feel comfortable telling her right away I was really there for my porn addiction (which Is probably an error on my part).

    But after a couple sessions I told her that I really came there for my porn addiction, she didn't really care and she told me it's not an addiction, its just more of an impulse that I need to control. She seemed to really lack any compassion or sensitivity to this issue. She did offer some helpful advice such as playing sports or working out instead of pmo to keep the serotonin levels from depleting when I go without using porn.

    But after that original conversation she wouldn't let me talk about porn and how it had negatively affected my life, every session we had after she would control the entire conversation and I couldn't really get any input in. I could never get her to focus on my porn addiction even though I explained to her that it was the most negative thing in my life. So I stopped going to her cause she wouldn't take my porn addiction seriously and thought of it more as just and impulse that I shouldn't indulge in.

    I kinda want to find a new therapist to help me with this and I'll be upfront about why I'm there this time. I just feel like I'm not strong enough to stop on my own. Does anybody have a good experience with opening up to your therapist about porn addiction?
     
    learning, thorswrath32 and hardowner like this.
  2. Paper

    Paper Fapstronaut

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    I think that your therapist is not trained for this type of problem, because porn addiction is quite a new phenomenon. I'd like to help you, but I haven't been to therapist (experienced the same) :( .
     
    hardowner likes this.
  3. I would like to recommend you therapist who is also a sexuologist, but I have tried once and it was worthless. Maybe lookimg for some addiction-oriented therapist, who helps people to overcome other addictions is a good idea. I think such person can understand your problem and mental mechanism better, than somebody who used to cope with depression only.
     
    hardowner likes this.
  4. Bluespace123

    Bluespace123 Fapstronaut

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    Ya I agree with you that our society dosent know how to handle porn addiction. It's kinda crazy that sites like NoFap are at the forefront fighting this addiction. Imagine there being only forums to help alcoholics and their unhealthy lifestyle. I just seems nuts to me, porn has done more damage to my life than anything else by FAR!I have also heard that psychology hasn't actually classified porn addiction as a real addiction yet.
     
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  5. slink123456

    slink123456 Fapstronaut

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    There are not many specially trained therapists out there in the area of porn, or PMO. If you live in London or a big capital city you have more luck, but for anyone else living far out, people don’t have much choice other than to deal with it on their own.

    I do think this does really affect the mental health of porn addicts for that simple reason. Dealing with an addiction all by yourself is very mentally demanding itself for the person going through it.

    But it sounds like overall, you could do with searching for a new therapist. There has to be an element of that empathy and listening support and if you aren’t getting that with this counsellor, you should quickly move on to a new one. Good luck!
     
    hardowner likes this.
  6. Nantz

    Nantz Fapstronaut

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    Hey way to go for opening up to a therapist. But ya, i would definitely recommend getting another therapist who will take you seriously about wanting to deal with your porn issue. I have a brother in law who is a therapist and he deals with pornography addictions on a daily basis so please dont get the idea that the therapist community doesn't take porn seriously. I dont talk to my brother-in-law as a therapist because he is related to me but he has really helped me understand why having a therapist or a least a support group is very beneficial. so if you have access to therapists i would highly recommend taking advantage of that. And the fact that you have realized that you feel like you cannot do this on your own is actually very good. Not in a negative manner but actually in a very possative way because it means that you have allowed yourself to be vulnerable. And being vulnerable and honest are some of the first steps.
    Any way i hope my input helped. Best wishes.
     
  7. My therapist is great. If I want to talk, he'll listen. He also was a porn addict so understands. Don't go back to this lady. She's not trained for our problem. If you need a reference for a good PMO therapist in the SF Bay Area feel free to PM me.
     
    hardowner likes this.
  8. There is such a thing as a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, (CSAT) because I have heard others on this site refer to their experiences with them. I don't know how common they are.

    I also was told that my M and P addiction wasn't one, that it was in fact a healthy creative expression. The fact that it was destroying me and torpedoing my marriage did not seem to get through. I suppose sometimes a pre-conceived idea simply cannot be shaken; that certainly seemed to be the case with the therapists I chose.
     
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  9. hardowner

    hardowner Fapstronaut

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    I really really admire your great patience. If I were you, I would have yelled to her STFU, pay her off and get my @$$ out of there ASAP...
     
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  10. Bluespace123

    Bluespace123 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks joker, it's nice to know that some therapist are doing a good job in this area.
     
  11. Der Drachenkönig

    Der Drachenkönig Fapstronaut

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    From what you're telling the therapist you saw isn't trained well enough when it comes to addiction and as such does not have a good understanding of what you're going through. It's really good that you opened up about seeing a therapist, it can really help but first you need to know who you're going to see beforehand, you have to make sure the therapist in question has good references. Trust me this is very important and can save you a lot of trouble.

    Let me tell you a bit about an experience i had 3 years ago. In 2015 i tried going to a therapist so i could get help with my PMO addiction, i barely even bother to do any research with the only reference i had being that she was a counselor. It was one of the worst experiences i've ever had. I'll sum up the whole thing. First of all, her lack of interest was quite notable. Second, she basically laughed in my face when i told her about the only relationship i had, which was a long distance one, that really angered me because even if it was a long distance relationship it meant a lot to me the time it lasted. And third. Her solution to the whole P.M.O addiction problem? Basically she tried to force her religious beliefs on me and told me to read something from the bible everyday before finishing. Just to be clear, i'm catholic, but a therapist is supposed to put aside his/her beliefs when working with a patient. I never went back, the problem only got even worse.

    Fast forward now, the therapist i'm seeing now (since may in fact) is a completely different story. This one has a very good understanding of addictions and how they work. This has been a game changer in so many levels, before i woulnd't make it past 9 or 10 days. Now i'm on day 68. This therapist has helped me a lot, and i can clearly see why she had very good references from every source i consulted.

    This is why it's important to investigate about a therapist before going there, believe me you can save yourself from a lot of headaches. It's a shame what happened with the one you're seeing. But i trust things are going to improve. So all in all my advice would be to investigate if the therapist in question is certified and has good references.

    Hope things get better for you.
     
  12. lucentio

    lucentio Fapstronaut

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    I had a similar experience. This was over 20 years ago and addiction to porn was not a big thing back then. I had a difficult time bringing the subject up and when I did my therapist tried to convince me that porn was not the problem. I am so glad that I found nofap if only to discover that I am not the only one with this problem.
     
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  13. I believe I found nofap through it being mentioned on The Great Porn Experiment on youtube. I got that we are not alone from that video. What an eye opener.
     
  14. SensualLettuce

    SensualLettuce Fapstronaut

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  15. My last therapist was a lot like this too. She did not see porn addiction as a problem, in her opinion is was completely normal and accepted. She saw no problem in me doing PMO a few times a week if i wanted to... Because as far as she was concerned, watching porn is something that almost everyone does. If i had agreed with her then i would be doing PMO every single day and popping those "pills" to deal with the PIED. And that would just be my life...
     
  16. James Mattingly

    James Mattingly Fapstronaut

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    That Sounds Awful Bluespace. I can only imagine that your therapist is embarrassed by it and that it has nothing to do with you. I have had an awesome therapist when it comes to this kind of stuff. He isn't necessarily trained in terms of porn addiction, but he is empathic and let me talk about how it hurts me. And we have been learning about it together. I hope you find someone better
     
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  17. learning

    learning Fapstronaut

    My therapist reacted similarly when I told her that I believe I am a PMO addict. I wonder if female therapists are less likely to understand the addictive aspects due to differences in genders?
     
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  18. Gota

    Gota Fapstronaut

    You put some good perspective... When I was searching for therapist I wanted it to be male. From one side I feel more comfortable talking about porn with the male, from other side the majority of porn addicts are males, so male therapist can have better intuitive understanding of the subject.
     
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  19. dboy18

    dboy18 Fapstronaut

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    There is some kind of stigma related to porn addicts. I just realized I was one 3 years ago. I learnt that I have to help myself. I need extra strength to fight it. Also people shy away from this topic, even professionals.
     
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  20. Bluespace123

    Bluespace123 Fapstronaut

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    I originally asked for a male therapist at the clinic or whatever you call it, but they only had the female one that I had a bad experience with. But ya I really wanted a male therapist in hopes that they could understand my situation better, I would just feel more comfortable talking to a male about my own destructive sexual habits.

    She was also just a bad therapist in general, well maybe not in general but definitely bad for me. She showed viturally no compassion about any of my problems lol. She even told me once that being a powerful person should be a top priority in my life, like wtf? I don't even want to be a powerful person lol I just want to be happy.
     
    learning likes this.

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