my sweet collegue

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by ALEX_88, Jun 20, 2018.

  1. ALEX_88

    ALEX_88 Fapstronaut

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    guys help me,

    I see my colleague (much older than me) as if she were the most beautiful woman in the world ... I'm alone with her all day, every time I see her, sexual impulses and fantasies come to me

    I wanted to know if anyone lived the same thing and how he solved it

    thank you all
     
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  2. Jabbami

    Jabbami Fapstronaut

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    What's your relationship status? And, honestly, this kinda temptation is super common in the work place. The key is to never fall victim to the "I've got this under control" mindset. The desires of the flesh know how to get what they want. I'd like to get a bit more background if possible.
     
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  3. moonesque

    moonesque Fapstronaut

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    Ideas get a hold in your brain and think these emotions are you. Look where they come from, you determine your emotions, they are not you yourself.
     
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  4. ALEX_88

    ALEX_88 Fapstronaut

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    I am a single boy for now but having a woman all day provokes excitement, it's a very hard battle
     
  5. ALEX_88

    ALEX_88 Fapstronaut

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    I can not see where they come from :( how can I do??
     
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  6. moonesque

    moonesque Fapstronaut

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    Wanting to do so is the first step, its a skill to be developed so dont beat yourself up over it, it can be hard to do so!

    When emotions come from us, an emotion is from some type of attachment or desire we have, a sort of reaction we get from values but a lot of the time they are ignored or changed or confusing.

    The first thing to do is accept your emotion, accepting means knowing youre having an emotion and its okay, like okay I feel sexual impulses, that is a feeling that I have, but it isnt me or my actions. The feeling doesnt make me bad or wrong, its something Im feeling.

    Then sit with it, where does your mind go from there, are you also feeling sad? Lonely? Wanting to be validated? Maybe related to your job or worried? Maybe do some writing about what the emotion feels like and what else happened to you that day, like a pressure or anxiety or a day that feels sad to you. Sometimes we can see patterns over what is happening, this helps us understand who we are by how we respond.

    One key about emotions is not adding to them, you have them and then they come and go, who you are is the same. Try some writing and just paying attention to how else you might feel, uncomfortable, heavy, anxious, whatever may be, and try to write and think about it. It will come with practice
     
  7. ALEX_88

    ALEX_88 Fapstronaut

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    thanks for the advice

    I will put into practice what you told me, once I have identified my mood, what should I do? simply write? or meditate
     
  8. Tiburon727

    Tiburon727 Fapstronaut

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    Glad you reached out to this forum on this. It is so important at all costs not to cross that line and act on those impulses which I think you are trying to do by asking for help. Good for you. You need to maintain your faithfulness to your job and keep integrity.

    Have dealt with similar situations and it is common and nothing to be ashamed of. You are doing the right thing by acknowledging these feelings.

    I would say to protect her and protect yourself think about boundaries you need to set. Boundaries such as always keeping your door open, or not being in the same place alone with her for too long of time. When you get those urges it is best to keep away such as going on an errand or going to the restroom. Find someone you need to call and exit yourself if urges arise is another example. Create that boundary plan.

    Over time as you recover I believe these urges can get a lot better. It is normal to make a connection and feel this way. By deciding nothing can happen and set boundaries to keep things business professional will save your career.
     
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2018
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  9. ALEX_88

    ALEX_88 Fapstronaut

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    thank you first for your answer!! It's true, the thing that keeps me on my line is fidelity to my work I have to establish a plan, for when the impulses arrive you gave me a very precious advice, thank you very much!!
     
  10. moonesque

    moonesque Fapstronaut

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    I would say do whatever comes naturally to you at that moment, but make it a habit, consistency will build your understand and feeling like you can put effort in and change.
     
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  11. Jabbami

    Jabbami Fapstronaut

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    See, we are red blooded men. We are programmed to see the attraction, always. It's instinct. But where we go wrong is when we let it run wild inside of us. You're in an uphill battle to tame the beast inside you, especiallybecause you've let it free for So long. Getting it under control is your first step. Then maintaining the control will be the next battle
     
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  12. ALEX_88

    ALEX_88 Fapstronaut

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    [QUOTE = "moonesque, post: 1525302, membro: 183913"] Direi che qualsiasi cosa ti viene naturale in quel momento, ma rendila un'abitudine, la coerenza costruirà la tua comprensione e sentirai che puoi mettere sforzo e cambiare. [/CITAZIONE]
    Words wise thanks
     
  13. ALEX_88

    ALEX_88 Fapstronaut

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    [QUOTE = "Jabbami, post: 1525365, membro: 231512"] Vedi, siamo uomini a sangue rosso. Siamo programmati per vedere l'attrazione, sempre. È istinto. Ma dove sbagliamo è quando lo lasciamo libero di correre dentro di noi. Sei in una dura battaglia per domare la bestia dentro di te, specialmente perché l'hai lasciata libera per così tanto tempo. Metterlo sotto controllo è il tuo primo passo. Quindi mantenere il controllo sarà la prossima battaglia [/ QUOTE]
    Exact!! Thank you so much friend
     
  14. STAR DUST

    STAR DUST Fapstronaut

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    It is okay to ask her out If your attention becomes in in welcomed that is an issue but I say go for it older women love younger guys
     
  15. STAR DUST

    STAR DUST Fapstronaut

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    Is she single? Dating or married. Ask her out for coffee
     
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  16. ALEX_88

    ALEX_88 Fapstronaut

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    She is married :(
     
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  17. I think that is bad advice. First of all, she's married and starting something with a work colleague is a bad, bad, bad, bad idea. @ALEX_88 don't do anything, these feelings will eventually pass.
     
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  18. STAR DUST

    STAR DUST Fapstronaut

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    Oh if she is married. She is off limits. I have known married couples who have worked together. Different strokes for different fokes
     
  19. STAR DUST

    STAR DUST Fapstronaut

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  20. ALEX_88

    ALEX_88 Fapstronaut

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    non dover fare strani pensieri ... Devo rimanere intero nei miei pensieri
     

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