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My story

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Deleted Account, Aug 4, 2019.

  1. I had a 5 years relationship with an awesome girl, she is a lovely person, she took care of me, supported me, she was there for me like no one, she even believed in me even when I did not believe in myself, and I could spent hours and hours talking about her...

    The last time we met, she told me about she knew I was with another girl one night (I met her for some drinks and we had sex) but obviously I did not apologize because our thing was a FWB relationship, we never gave it a serious title, but I should not done that because she obviosuly was showing signs of beign with me as serious couple, staying in my house for 4 days, spending all her time with me, even her study times...
    Also she told me about a night where she left home, I went with friends to a club and she called me crying saying 'hey, I cannot go to my house, there is no more bus (transport service) to my house' but I asked to my friends in order to find her and leave her on her house, I don't know till this day if I told her this, but she went to my sister house and spent her night there.

    Once she dumped me, she said Im done, im tired, this cannot go anymore, you deserve someone better, our life aren't matching, you like drugs, sex and alcohol, that's not my life, I want to leave you since that night you left me alone waiting for the bus (the night above)...
    I needed to add, she invited me to her grandmothers birthday party and I did not went because of beign drunk (I went but told her sorry im so drunk, and she told me well go to your house)
    And she had an event from her career and I did not went because of beign with hangover...
    So she were for me always and I failed to her always...
    Then she started tweeting about she had a toxic relationship, he was a manipulator. Obviously talking about me.

    I started thinking about myself, and found that, I'm impulsive, I can not control my reactions, when she where doing wrong things I even yell at her (fuck me I want to die writing this, I can not be this asshole).
    I started reading about Narcissistic people and I have all these symptoms, obviously, because the way I was raised.

    I want to change, not for her, for me. She already dumped me, and I want her to be happy, I sent her a last message saying 'Im deleting your phone number, I can't resist to talk to you and it's not that I not want to, I want, but I need to fix my life, I got tons of attiudes out of place I need to change. Thanks for being inconditional for me, for beign there, and sorry because I failed to you. I wish you find someone with his eyes open, and I wish for me to fix my attitudes. Be happy beauty, you deserve it, I love you.'

    So now guys, I'm putting my soul right here, I want to change I need to change, I need to fix my life.
    I'm thinking about going to therapy, is there any tips from you? how to change my narcissistic personality?

    Thanks and love you all <3
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 4, 2019
    toxickwaste and Hello Friend like this.
  2. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut
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    I feel for ya, buddy.

    Could you elaborate on this story? While sober, please, in case you were not the first time. I don't understand why your ex was upset at you but that is mostly because the story itself seems to be missing key details and grammar.
     
    Motiv3 likes this.
  3. Could be it's not my native language. Im sober Im not taking drugs for a time to see what happens.

    I needed to add, she invited me to her grandmothers birthday party and I did not went because of beign drunk (I went but told her sorry im so drunk, and she told me well go to your house)
    And she had an event from her career and I did not went because of beign with hangover...

    So she were for me always and I failed to her always...
    She got tired of that
     
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  4. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut
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    You have many demons to fight, my friend.

    What were you thinking of going to rehab for: drugs, alcohol, or sex?
     
    Motiv3 and Hello Friend like this.
  5. Tons of demons...
    I'm not focused on sex anymore, and I'm leaving drugs for a while.

    Im thinking about telling her to meet up and talk about me and my problems, I won't talk about the relationship nor about her, just about me and listen what she has to say about my problems, to met up as friends so she can help me...
    Im thinking about telling her I feel I'm a narcissistic and I did not know till know, everything I did bad was uncounciously, I did not do it intentionally...

    I really lack empaty, really lack it...
    BUT HEY, I WANT TO CHANGE, AND THATS THE BEGGINING!
     
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  6. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut
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    Story checks out. That does sound very narcissistic.
     
    Motiv3 and Hello Friend like this.
  7. I feel I opened my eyes once she dumped me she even said That too 'it hurts me that you opened your eyes when I left'

    Plus I got all signs of narc. I hurt people who Loves me incounciously (idk how its written) and I lack empaty it's really hard for me to put me in others shoes.. I been trying lately tho.
     
  8. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut
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    unconditionally? <-If you were looking for the word describing how people love you
    subconsciously? <-If you were talking about your thought process
     
    Motiv3 likes this.
  9. Subconciously. It was hard for me to understand that she was beign hurt because of my actions because a lack of empaty from me.

    When she dumped me I started to feel the pain I put myself on her shoes and understand everything she was going through.
     
  10. PeterJL

    PeterJL Fapstronaut
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    The things about narcissists, Motiv, is that they almost never self-diagnose. They are not capable of that level of self-criticism. And if someone else diagnoses them they don't view their self-centeredness as a problem.

    If you were able to put yourself in her shoes and understand what she was going through, then you are capable of empathy. You just didn't realize you needed to exercise it with your ex until it was too late.

    And at this point, I think the best thing would be to just let her go. Be better for your next girlfriend.
     
    Motiv3 likes this.
  11. Still I feel i'm narc. My whole fam presents all signs...

    It was very hard for me to open my eyes and to feel empaty.

    Anyway I already Lost her forever I sent her an audio yesterday crying and telling her to meet up in order for her to advice my as a friend that I was not going to try to get her back nor shit just talk about everything I found out and have to fix since we broke up. She blocked after telling me she Loves me but I destroyed her.

    So this means I Lost her forever. I'm moving on with my life tho. It's so painful for me to have Lost her because I really love her but I never showed her the way I should have done.

    Thanks
     
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  12. toxickwaste

    toxickwaste Fapstronaut

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    therapy. definitely an option. if your budget is low, there’s way you can help yourself in good ways. i did it before. i began to meditate, as a healing purpose. then, i ended up using it for even more. there’s meditations you can at home, diy, many are guided meditations. they can help honesty, strengthen ‘chakras’ among other things. there’s even meditations that are strictly anti p.. i plan on trying those eventually. i recommend meditation, tho, i think it could help. focus on your emotions as well, try small first. try to fix little things as you continue to improve. that story was powerful though, it really was. relationships suffer from bad habits. i hope you’re well, we are all here for you. promise.
     
    Motiv3 likes this.
  13. Yo thanks for your advice.
    How I do that is there any link or how do I Google it? Meditation for emotions?

    I need to improve my empaty asap.
    If I'm a narc I want to cure myself. I think I Lost my first gf for the same reason (we we're very young tho)

    Btw is that comethazine? Haha
     
  14. She left me because I cheated on her.
    She told me on face last time we met she knew I met another girl.

    I thought it was all good because I told her lotta things (good things) and we has sex.
    I Made it because we we're just FWB we never put a relationship title.
    But she was already giving me relationship signals..

    I'm so stupid is there anything to do?
     
  15. celery_tree

    celery_tree Fapstronaut

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    I'm currently on the journey to change myself as well. I don't know if this will help you (maybe this will seem obvious to you!) but there's something I saw on the Internet that has been one of the biggest helps on my journey to change. That advice is: Don't underestimate the power of small change every day.
     

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