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my story

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by MaryAnn, Apr 18, 2018.

  1. MaryAnn

    MaryAnn Fapstronaut

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    Now, today, I can say that this addiction has destroyed my life, destroyed my marriage, made me struggle with myself with my mind full of questions like why? what do I have? He does not love me? especially i'm 12 years younger. How did we get here? How was my journey in this marriage? The relationship started in 2002, a beautiful relationship that unfortunately began to become the nightmare of my life. All these years have been humiliated, betrayed, lied, I felt like garbage every time she refused to have sex with me like I'm tired! I have no pleasure ... and other apologies without plans for the future, In all these years I wondered what was going on, I got it many times masturbating and the questions were even more why I prefer that why wants with me? I've crossed over every time, I forgive, I do not remember any time.
    We have often quarreled, we have often broken up, but things have never changed theoretically, he said he is no longer doing the same. For the first time in my life, I feel like I can not live anymore so the glass is filled.
    We have often quarreled, we have often broken up, but things have never changed theoretically, he said he is no longer doing the same. For the first time in my life, I feel like I can not live anymore so the glass is filled.
    What to do? Nothing. I can do nothing. I tried to make him understand that he was addicted, sent him articles, videos, link to this site but did not react in any way. Just theoretically. Virtually nothing. It's so painful
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2018
  2. Numb

    Numb Fapstronaut

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    I'm sorry you are going through this too. You story sounds similar to mine. I've felt those things you say above. And I am only just now starting to change how I look at this, it is very hard to do for me. It is not you, not your fault. He has an addiction and nothing you could have done or didn't do will change that. He has to want to change in order to do so. In my case it took my boyfriend 15 years and me almost leaving to make him understand. But I was ready to go, the pain was too much. Sometimes it still feels like I am drowning in the pain, but things are starting to look up. If he is unwilling to see your pain, and see the problems, you have to ask yourself if you can live with things the way they are now for the rest of your life. Because if he is unwilling to change then he won't.
     
    hope4healing likes this.
  3. MaryAnn

    MaryAnn Fapstronaut

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    No, i can't! I can not resist living these feelings. Things went too far. We decided to divorce and he agreed. He's the victim, and I'm the gall. He accuses me, he does not understand the real reason, or he pretends to manipulate me. He does not understand that I have asked just love and i receive pain. accepts that he is addicted and demonstrates that he wants to change or stay with his hand. Wish you be happy!
     
  4. MaryAnn

    MaryAnn Fapstronaut

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    Thank you GhostWriter for your kind words. This is what i want but i was waiting to much for him. Maybe i have to show him not told him that im seriously about our divorce. I think he is belive that im not. I'm scared about that is very much pain in my heart this is the last thing i want but I CANT live like this enymore
     
    Last edited: Apr 18, 2018
  5. Queen_Of_Hearts_13

    Queen_Of_Hearts_13 Fapstronaut

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    Hey, if you check my signature, I have a resources thread that is great for newcomers to start navigating this journey of healing. If you need anything or have questions, feel free to reach out! :)
     
    Deleted Account, Kenzi and MaryAnn like this.
  6. MaryAnn

    MaryAnn Fapstronaut

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    Thank you Anna, i will do that
     

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