My story started as a young child with things that happened to me that were not my choice. These experiences awakened me to the concept of sex and, at the time, the opposite sex. When I became a teenager and discovered MO it quickly became a habit and one that was unquenchable. No one knew that his was going on and like many here on NoFAP a cycle began where I would try to quit and I would be able to maintain it for a while, but it wasn't long before something would trigger the desire and a MO binge began. Throughout my teens this was the case and in that day, pornography, specifically male pornography was very hard if not impossible to find. So, much of it was fantasy and imagination. There was a time that I was able to maintain abstinence for about 2 1/2 years, but then, with the internet then becoming more prevalent, images were easier to find, at least if you knew where to look. Some may remember USENET. Well, that is where a lot of my habits lied. I remember the anticipation as these pictures downloaded (over dial-up which took forever it seemed) and when a video was found, it was a jackpot, if you could wait the long download times and figure out how to decode them. This cycle and behavior went on for years as I tried to hide the forming addiction and the SSA. My greatest fear was to be found out--what would people think of me then? Then came some pay sites and TGPs and deeper and deeper I sank. PMO had me firmly in its grasp. It was about this time I met my wife. I cannot fully explain how I got married, there was a connection between us and it happened. Sexually it was very difficult. After we got married I again tried to go cold turkey and leave the PMO behind. It worked, but only for a few months. Then it slowly started to creep back into my life in the form of erotic stories. There was no harm in that--right? Well, with these websites came the enticing images in the advertisement banners. Then BOOM, I found myself back on the hardcore stuff. By this time the porn scene had graduated to websites that sold subscriptions to see the things it took me hours to download before. Of course, this was really hard to hide since I did have a wife and any subscriptions would show up on the credit card, so I was fairly discreet and if anything weird came up I always had a story for what it was all about. TGPs were also a big part of my searching as the imagery was free--for the most part--and I could get to a lot of stuff. Starting with the early days of the addiction, this went on for about twenty years. Until things graduated to the next level. However, I will post more about that later. --Thanks for listening.