My story of a girl I met recently

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by That quiet guy, Apr 15, 2019.

  1. TrueSaiyan

    TrueSaiyan Fapstronaut

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    I had a kind of bad situation at my job as well man, you're not alone.
    There was a girl I knew had a crush on me for a while and unfortunately things didn't work out well. I guess because we we're co workers and she worked second, I work third. We became good friends last October-December and we talked occasionally and she definitely knew I had a crush on her and she did to. She took my phone from my hands and added herself on my facebook page. I thought she really liked me because of that But my wise ass I did online dating for a while after the rejection I got. She basically said she had to "clean her room" when I asked her out to a movie one time. I opened myself up to her and I said I'd play hooky to spend a night with her. Clearly she wasn't interested or she didn't care enough. I got into a relationship online and we drifted apart, still talked, but only a little bit. After a while I've heard other guys from second shift say that she is a tease and that she can be your friend one day, but talk crap about you behind you're back. At that point I stayed away from her, now she works first shift. Now she says hi to me like were still friends. I can't really talk to her otherwise I'll act indifferent towards her. But man I'm depressed as well, so once again don't feel like you're alone. Woman are a big tease these days in age and I've learned to focus on myself lately.

    I'm sure you'll have luck in the future with a more caring gal.
    Don't give up. :)
     
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  2. That quiet guy

    That quiet guy Fapstronaut

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    I am surely not alone in this big loneliness topic, but sometimes it can feel like everyone else is having a better life than you, but that is not true.
    What I see with us guys while we are alone, depressed and sad is that most of us become desperate to find a girl. While we are, we may not think twice over before doing decision and just goes right onto it, because most of us just have our "lust" to get laid. I know quite a little about girls, because I've got pretty much close to 0% experience with girls, but I just want to tell you a very few want a depressed, sad and outcast partner, so I recommend you to improve your attitude about girls in general, because not all of the girls are a big tease. You should also try to exercise more and do things you like to do, to get you more motivated and happy. Also the fact that she is saying hello to you, might be a chance that she have changed her mind and don't want to lose contact with you, so rather take the chance and go talk to her and maybe you two could be friends again.

    Wish you luck!
    That quiet guy
     
  3. Epic Fight

    Epic Fight Fapstronaut

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    Its good u know and understand :)
     
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  4. SpoonDog

    SpoonDog Fapstronaut

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    I've read through the story and I think many of us have probably been through similar situations, or can at least get where you're coming from.

    I think the positives to take are that you actually made an effort to approach. That's more than I would have done at that age. Unfortunately the friend-zone can be deadly, and spilling your guts to someone who has already put you into the friend box rarely has a happy ending. Buy you've now got that experience under your belt and you can take that on to the next one.

    As for this girl, my view would be to avoid her and try to forget about her, don't try to be her friend and just keep it 'businesslike'.

    In 5 years time, you'll look back and probably cringe at some of the things you did, but you'll be thankful for the lessons you learned. In the meantime, keep avoiding the porn, don't spend too many hours playing videogames, don't overthink or over analyse what has gone before and try and get out and about as much as you can. Soon all this will be a dim and distant memory.
     
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  5. That quiet guy

    That quiet guy Fapstronaut

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    I've never had any experiences around girls from before, so I've learned very much from those things I've done, which I am glad of, because then I know what to not to do when I meet the next one. Already now a few months later I cringe about most of what I did, but back then I didn't know how to act, because as said I had no experience and didn't think twice before doing things.

    I will not try to do something to her, because it will most certainly only make it even worse, so I will just continue being silent and let her go, which can only make this better from this point.

    I may as you said over analysed the things I did, but I want to criticize my self to get me another way of thinking how I should act the next time I meet a girl.
     
  6. Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut

    @That quiet guy
    You are calling this the loneliness thread what makes me think.
    Do you have male persons there to talk about your issues? What about your father?
     
  7. That quiet guy

    That quiet guy Fapstronaut

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    Yes I do have a male friend that has been through pretty much the same experiences as me, where he gives me advices to what I should do and I am giving advices to him about what he should do.
     
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  8. cikkser

    cikkser Fapstronaut

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    Remember that girls are from Venus and guys from Mars. We are different.
    1. dont tell the girl that you love her, but make your intentions clear. by date 3-5 you kiss her. if not you will be set in the friendzone. you can wait longer depends on situations. Dont kiss her publicly. You dont become her friend, you become her boyfriend.

    2. You have to be a mystery, always make the girl wonder what you are thinking about and when she ask you personal qestions you have to tease her.

    3. it is best to meet each other once a week so that the girl has time and space to think about you and what you are doing. Remember to have fun at dates its best when you do activities that require movement: bowling, arcade, walk. worst date idea is cinema.

    4. Girls are not necessary to have an awesome life. They are just the cherry on top of the cream making it a little sweeter.

    5. LISTEN TO YOUR GIRL. Dont solve her problems. she wants to be heard and understood.
     
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  9. TrueSaiyan

    TrueSaiyan Fapstronaut

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    You know what next time I see her.
    I'll say hi if she ever does again and start a conversation.
     
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  10. That quiet guy

    That quiet guy Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like a plan! :D
     
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  11. BlueBalls

    BlueBalls Fapstronaut

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    Search Coach Corey Wayne on You tube like someone else suggested.
     
  12. That quiet guy

    That quiet guy Fapstronaut

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  13. justafriend

    justafriend Fapstronaut

    We often make assumptions about others’ motivation that turn out not to be true. The most common mistake I see (and have made) is mistaking shyness for conceit. Also, genuine indecision, uncertainty, cold feet, certain vulnerabilities...all can look like game-playing or flaking.

    I’ve read that porn addiction is an intimacy disorder, which intellectually makes sense to me. In this case, “attachment theory” could prove *highly* useful. Do please look into this for yourselves, and the people you may encounter in life...

    I recently read a very good author I would like to recommend: Stan Tatkin

    https://smile.amazon.com/Stan-Tatkin/e/B004TI0S3I?ref=dbs_a_def_awm_hsch_vu00_tkin_p1_i1

    I read his book WIRED FOR LOVE first, then WIRED FOR DATING. (The former is more applicable to me, the latter more applicable to others in my life so helps me better understand and possibly advise them.)

    He talks about the three main attachment groups as: anchor, wave, island. Secure, Anxious, Avoidant. I *love* this!!! Now I find myself spotting certain behavior (in myself + others) and understanding WAY better.

    I suspect a lot of the folks here are doing the Anxious-Avoidant dance in their love lives. Read up on this crazy-making dynamic to see how to tackle it!!
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2019
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  14. justafriend

    justafriend Fapstronaut

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  15. Fractured Mindset

    Fractured Mindset Fapstronaut

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    You did what you could, and while you had a rough aftermath- at least you showed yourself you could do it and you can get through a rejection.
     
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