My story of a girl I met recently

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by That quiet guy, Apr 15, 2019.

  1. That quiet guy

    That quiet guy Fapstronaut

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    Hello,

    I am a 18 year old, virgin, that has been depressed and sad for a couple of years and has recently been in trouble with a girl I met. This is my long story of what happened:

    About 6 months ago it came to the time I met a really good looking girl which had similar interests as me (video games), that I fell in love in. I dreamt a friday night that I would make a paper plane asking if she would be my friend, and give it to her whilst everyone was out of the classroom. I woke up and thought it might not be a bad idea, so I did this quite hilarious thing. I folded a paper plane in which it said "Would you like to be my friend on steam (bla bla my name on steam) and play video games with me?" and took it to school hidden under my sweater.

    A break on the lesson comes and suddenly it happened, everyone except for one of my friends walked away from class almost like in the dream I dreamt! I decided to put the paper plane on her desk in the class whilst with a beating heart like hell, my friend didn't notice anything, because he was busy doing some work.
    I shortly after went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and said to my self while sweating: "You did it, you dared to do such thing". I went back to the classroom with my heart still beating like hell. A few minutes after everyone else started coming back as well.
    She didn't notice the paper plane until the end of the lesson. I saw her unfold it just right before I left, my heart jumped and she gave me a smile and I gave one back and left the classroom. After the lesson we always gave a smile to each other when we walked past in school for the rest of the day, but I didn't have the guts to go up to her face and talk, because I was so shy.

    The weekend comes I start to worry if I should take it as a yes or no, so I got thoughts of going up to her and ask if she really wants to be my friend or not. I decided to do it on the upcoming tuesday.
    I didn't sleep well that night, thus I was very nervous. Either way, I waited outside the refectory on the lunch break whilst eating with a friend to see if I could get a chance to talk to her.
    She walked past me right away to the toilets and I didn't dare to talk to her, because I was way too nervous. Just a few minutes later I saw her walking back from the toilets and got stuck in a chair with her bag, which gave me a smile. She walked straight up to me and said "Hi" to me and I said "Hi" back with a surprise, she said "I am sorry I didn't say anything to you, but I thought of doing a paper plane and send one back to you, but I didn't have the guts for it". I said something like "Oh okay". I then asked if we could talk somewhere else because it was quite crowd and noisy around where we were, she asked "can I add you on snapchat?", and I answered "of course".

    Later I went home and started texting her and gave her a link to my steam. She told me I was productive person (on my steam profile) and that I was brave to make the paper plane, that it was cute and funny. She asked me if I was the only one behind it. I told her that I was the one that came up with this. She then said that my other friends were acting weird the time we walked out of the classroom after she has read the paper plane, and I said that they appear to be weird quite often. She told me that if they're so weird I must be even more weirder, I just told her that she is not weird but instead cute. She asked if we could stay to be friends and I said that it would be no problem.

    The day after we decided to eat lunch together with her other two friends, I introduced my self, we talked about how weird my friends are and that I want to get away from them. Right up in the conversation one of my friends came up and asked what I was doing, and I answered that I am talking with some new friends. He asked me why I am doing so, and I said because I am doing it. He left and I told to the others thats bla bla name, he is always like that and don't mind him. The break was shortly over and I enjoyed the time talking to her and her two friends.

    The next day, my older friends were questioning what people I was talking to yesterday, I answered it's they and they... My older friends was really questioning how did it start, and I said that it started in a strange way. They thought I found her through tinder at first, but I told them that we are just friends, and it started in a unique way, and I didn't want to get to details.

    We ate lunch almost everyday after this day, and they accepted me as who I was, how I talked, my interests, my looks... well pretty much everything about me they accepted. It was at this point I got motivation for life, and lost my depression, but instead other problems started to occur, thus all I could think of was her:
    Whenever I slept she was there as well, doing nothing than existing in them, like she was waiting for something to happen.
    I had issues eating the amount I used to do, but it didn't change my weight.
    I had issues concentrating, doing stuff for school, while playing games, just in general while doing stuff.

    For pretty much everyday after school I would walk with her and her two friends to keep them company. Her friends would be going another way leaving her alone with me, and I just kept walking with her and we talked about everything we had on mind. It was all from my friends to videogames until we came close to where she was living, where we hugged and said goodbye.
    One of the times she asked me "How do you really feel", I answered "I am doing fine", and almost added "when being around you", but I didn't because that would sound very strange.

    A week goes, we decide to go to a cafeteria with her friends. All went good, we had fun and was talking quite much, nothing more to add to that really.

    A few days later we decided to watch a movie at her apartment with some friends to celebrate advent. We did not really celebrate though, we watched Avengers: Infinity War instead and ate sushi. After the movie we talked for a few hours and she asked me again "How do you really feel?", I just answered "I am doing fine, just fine". All sudden the others were about to go home, so we decided accompany them. After a while it was just me and her walking while it was snowing. She had a phonecall with her boyfriend and I covered my ears because it didn't feel right to listen to what she was saying. When she was done with the call she said to me "Don't have a relationship", I then asked "How come?" and she replied "It's not easy really" and added "things don't go that well right now". It went to silence for a minute and I had to say something so I said that I look forward for the lessons we would have together tomorrow and she also did, later said goodbye and came home quite late.

    Christmas holidays were close and I decided to give my new friends some gifts. I decided to give two chocolate boxes and one bag of christmas candy, wrapped in red christmas paper with some red lacing and also a etiquette with their name on it.
    They got very suprised and happy. We went to their corridor and sat down and ate on these, talking for a few hours until we decided to start going home. I held them company as usual and later me and the girl I liked walked close to where she lived. This would be the last time I'll be seeing her for about 3 weeks, because she would be going to her family home the next day, which was about 1000 km away. So we did a big and long hug, and I ended it by giving her a little kiss on her cheek. I did it both because I wouldn't be seeing her for quite a long time and also that I couldn't resist, because I liked her so much. We both said "Merry Christmas" and we went seperate ways to our homes.

    An hour after I came home she asked me with confession on snapchat why I did what I did, and I answered that she shouldn't take it serious and it was just a friends kiss. She understood, but asked if I would do it to her other two friends as well, and I answered of course I would do that. We shortly after that said good night and I wished her luck for the trip to her family home.

    Two days later which was the last day before the holidays I also said goodbye to my other two new friends with a hug and a little kiss on their cheek. They seemed to like it, because they only said "What you did was cute and funny" afterwards.

    Either way the whole christmas holidays she was just all in my mind and I missed her badly, whatever I did. My problems I had with sleeping, eating and concentrating was getting quite bad. We didn't talk that much during the holidays, because she was busy doing stuff for her family and being with her boyfriend that also lived there.

    The holidays where about to end and she told me that she was about to buy a pair of rats, and sent pictures later showing how the ones she was about to buy looked like, and gosh they were cute. I told her that I look forward to meet these when she comes home, but did a mistake by also adding that I looked more forward to see you, which got her in confession and asked, but what about my other friends? Quickly I answered that I look forward to see them aswell.

    The end of the christmas holidays were near. I started to getting confused of what has been happening to me, because I haven't slept well for the last 5 weeks, my apatite was close to gone and I couldn't focus doing anything than thinking of her, which made me somewhat tired.

    I got a quite weird thought in my mind that I wanted to test out, and that was if I looked good in backslick. I sent a picture to my new friends and asked if I should come with this on the first day at school. They all said it would be funny if I did, so I decided to do so.

    The school starts and I only slept like 3-4 hours if not less that night. Got up took a shower used some hair gel to get it to a backslick. The first lesson started and it was a lesson we didn't have together. On the first break I went out of the classroom and texted if we could meetup somewhere. So we met up and they commented and thought it was cool that I had backslick. I continued to have a backslick for about a week, because I thought I fitted well in it.

    A few days later we decided to go home to her apartment and just hang out. It came to a situation where she said she wanted me to feel her calves, because we were for some reason compairing each others, but managed to think wrong and felt on the wrong place and feeled on her thigh instead, which lead to laughter, where even my self laughted. It was just a funny mistake and we moved on to talking about something else. A hour or so later her friends were about to leave and then I decided to leave as well and keep them company. Before we went away we said goodbye and gave each other hugs. When I was about to give her a hug I saw in her face that she was unhappy, but we had to go so I didn't have the time to ask what was going on.

    The time goes by and my problems with my sleep, apatite and concentrating was getting worse and worse, she was haunting me in my dreams and even while I were awake. I was getting more tired and tired, which lead me to really questioning my self what the hell was going on with me. My thought was it couldn't be anything else that I really have feelings for her. I shortly decided that I must get it off my chest what I really think of her, even though she got a boyfriend, because I couldn't continue living with my problems. I decided to make a little paper boat which said in it that I wanted to talk to her at private somewhere.

    The day came where I decided to give it to her and on my way home her, her friends said goodbye much earlier than before and a friend that never would hold her company was doing so, they decided to take another way with some stairs and I had my bike with me and I said I can lift it and walk with you they way you go, I don't care. I did what I said without any problems. When we had walked up through the stairs I saw her almost half running, which really got me thinking if she was just in a hurry to get home or if she wanted to avoid me. The other friend took another way and needed to take a quick decision if I should give her the note or not. I decided to do so, so I told her to wait so she could get what I was wearing with me to be read when she comes home.

    The way home I felt like I would be dying, heart was beating like nothing than before and I got huge, badly regrets for what I've just did. When I came home she texted me asking if I could describe what I meant with the note. I said that I want to talk to her at somewhere private, but got answered that we could just do it over snapchat. I thought to my self what a idiot I am and started describing that I've had feelings for her from the first day I talked to her, and also added what the hell I've just done. She told me that she was not interested in me which I could understand because she got a boyfriend already, but it had to come off my chest because I couldn't continue living with my problems once again. She told me that we could continue being friends which I agreed to as well.

    The next day comes and after school I held them company as usual, and asked if they wanted to do something later that day, but they didn't have time. I asked once more time later during the weekend, but got the same response.

    The upcoming monday I got a message from her saying that we should be classmates from now on, because she didn't like that I held her company after school. I asked if we could do somekind of restart of our friendship, thus got a maybe from her.

    The following days I tried to be social with them, but they appeared to always be busy. Which got thinking if they are ignoring me, which I was pretty sure about.

    I did another try later that week to talk to her, so I asked if I could hold them company, they didn't say no, and they didn't say yes. So I went with them and one of them asked me what I was thinking of, I said that I was thinking of many different things at the moment. I tried to find a opportunity to talk to her, which I didn't get so said that I may go home now, and took another way home, because I saw it pointless to continue anyway.

    When I came home texted her that I am feeling better after I got it off my chest how I felt about her and asked if she was doing any better her self. I got answered that we should continue still be classmates.
    I answered back in the morning that I would like to be classmates from now on if you don't want it to be in another way. She said that she didn't really understood the part that "if you don't want it to be in another way", so I said it again in another way to make it easier for her to understand. She replied that I should rather stop now. I answered that I really should do so.

    During class we had together she went away to work with her friends somewhere else than in the classroom. Close to the lessons end someone called the exact name as her boyfriend added me on snapchat, and got me a thought that I am really screwed up now. I added him and got a message shortly after telling me that I should leave her alone and that I have been acting very bad against her and him, because I already knew that she got a boyfriend. I made a explanation that covered up that I understand what I've done, and it was all my fault it lead to this situation we are in right now, and that life will keep going.
    He agreed to what I said.

    I remember that I got really depressed, down and was almost unable to be spoken with the rest of the day. I also remember that I slept through the last lesson, because I didn't have any energy at all to work. When I came home my parents would be going out of town and I remember that I looked for my bottle of 40% Cognac and drank 1/4 of it. I later masturbated to porn as well, but I didn't find any enjoyment with it at all. I later fell asleep in my bed, a bit drunk, tired, depressed and sad.

    The next day I woke up and felt my heart was hurting (probably I was feeling brokenhearted). Skipped eating breakfast, ate some meatballs and potato chips, which was the only thing I had energy to do. I was trying to play some video games, but gave up pretty fast, because I saw no fun in it anymore. Tried to watch something on the television, nothing interesting was on. It ended up me looking in the air with no emotion what so ever.

    A few hours later my dad came home and made me some dinner. During he was doing the dinner, we got a phonecall from my mom which and told me that my grandmother has passed away. I didn't know my grandmother that well, but I got even more down by this point.

    I tried to move on after these incidents, but it was really hard, because my depression came back and were even worse than before. Suicide thoughts came up to my mind, being worthless, that nothing will get better and so on.

    I started to talk to one of my old friends about my issue with this girl, and he stood up for me and listened to what I had to say. He gave me some hope, advice and assistence to get me moving on, but it was still harsh.

    A month later it came to the point where I was very close attempting to cut my self, because I had such self hate, but convinced my self it wouldn't change a thing. I felt in away that I deserved to be punished for what I've done, so I started hitting my self, crying whilst screaming "I want to die" multiple of times. I stopped doing this and got me thinking that I can't change what I've done in the past.

    That was my story of my quite big issues with a girl I met quite recently. Hopefully this was somewhat interesting to read.

    Questions to be answered:
    1. Why didn't she tell me earlier that she didn't like me holding her company?
    2. How would the situation possibly be like today if I didn't tell her how I actually felt about her?
    3. How does it come that her boyfriend was the one that contacted me to say indirectly "fuck off"?
    4. What should I do next? Or should I even do anything at all?

    Fapstronaut That quiet guy
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2019 at 1:58 PM
  2. letter

    letter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    You’re still young. There will be other girls.

    1) She’s still young & is still learning to navigate relationships. Many people do not feel comfortable expressing their feelings, even though doing so would save everyone a lot of heartache if it was handled well from the onset.

    2) Worse. Your crush would just keep on crushing you.

    3) Because he is a boyfriend and men tend to be protective of what they love.

    4) Spend some time with your family. Reconnect with good, long-term friends you can trust. Rebuild your social circle.


    And stay away alcohol & PMO...those things will just add to depression. You’ve got all kinds of time to make your life beautiful. You made some mistakes here, but you can learn from them & improve yourself :)
     
    Last edited: Apr 15, 2019
  3. That quiet guy

    That quiet guy Fapstronaut

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    Thanks letter!
    I have now more motivation to move on knowing that it is not over yet, since I am still at a young age and I know that I've got plenty of years a head with big chances to find the right one.
     
    letter likes this.
  4. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

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    Something similar happend to me. My only advice is to move on, is the only thing we can do when this kind of things happen. But he happy you have a story to tell, you don't want to be my age do not have any relevant experience.
     
    That quiet guy likes this.
  5. That quiet guy

    That quiet guy Fapstronaut

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    Yes, moving on is what I should do, but it can be hard when many things reminds me of when I were friends with them, like certain places we did something special, eating sushi which I did once with them and so on. So I'll do my best.
     
  6. letter

    letter Distinguished Fapstronaut

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    Thinking of you @That quiet guy and I remembered a song



    “If my true love she’ll not come, then I’ll surely find another...”

    It’s an old song. These things have been about for many years. Can’t tell ya all the ways I can relate to this & how many men would say the same.

    Everyone has a little bit of Heaven in themselves. Ofc there was something special there, but look up at the stars and let them tell you their number. So learn to take care of your heart until you find the one who’ll shine for you ;)
     
  7. That quiet guy

    That quiet guy Fapstronaut

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    This song got me into tears, it's so beautiful and gives so much hope for my future. Just thanks, I needed that! :)

    Also I've been saying to my self for quite a long time "Never give up, even though your true love rejects you"
     
    goodnice 2.0 and letter like this.
  8. moulox

    moulox Fapstronaut

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    OP, you should pay a lot of attention to what I'm gonna say. Some things may sound pompous or harsh but it's my honest opinion to you, because I see in you many similarities to myself back when I was your age and I would hate to see another person go down the same lane. Since I never got it by myself, I wish I had someone else (father,friend,anyone) to point me in the right direction and spare me the loss of 20 years time in the relationship subject.
    Having double plus a bit more life experience than you, I am telling you that you really have to change yourself. Your all approaching tactic on meeting girls, which is fueled by your shyness won't do you any good (you can check my story to see I'm not messing with you). I've been there and it still isn't well for me. I mean sure, she could break up and rush back to you, or you meet another girl who will be your soulmate by throwing her another paper plane and end up together forever like in the movies (told you, I 've been there) but it's not really likely.
    So, when it comes to the topic at hand you should listen to what the other guys suggested. I still remember my teen crashes and there have been plenty more afterwards. Now in order to take advantage of those next opportunities that will come in your way, since it's not in you yet, you should really take some time and read a book or two about improving yourself in that department. Corey Wayne, DeAngelo etc pick your poison pick some and make yourself better at this game. There is a ton of contradicting sayings out there but I find the "You make your own luck" absolutely true. You have all of your love life in front of you. Don't leave it's outcome on the hands of coincidence and the slim chances you have, the way that you are, right now. Get the most of it. Wish you the best.
     
  9. I tend to concur. Reading that post just made me pity the OP since a paper airplane was rather lame. @That quiet guy I say you really need to get over your being nervous when it comes to women. Now, almost any guy will get nervous putting himself out there, but the fact that you were so anxious on indirectly telling her that you wanted a friendly relationship with this girl sounds like a problem to me. You couldn't even look her in the eye and say it. And everytime in the story, you try to be assertive with her, it's through some paper message.

    I'll put aside my qualms of you attempting to pursue a girl already in a relationship, although I will warn you that it's asking for trouble to do so, should you think about doing that again in the future. At least you owned up to it, though.

    1. Because some folks can be cowardly, man. Most prefer not to have or risk a confrontation with those they know personally, especially folks our age.

    2. It would probably get even worse since she might've mentioned you to her boyfriend and he could've realized you were a guy hovering around what he considered to be his. Whatever the scenario could've been, you would very likely end up feeling much worse than you do now.

    3. What I said in number 2 answers this.

    4. I say drop this girl and find another one, making sure the next girl is single. But before you do that, I suggest practicing some socialization. Get used to talking to people and reduce how nervous you get.
     
    goodnice 2.0 likes this.
  10. goodnice 2.0

    goodnice 2.0 Fapstronaut

    Hello:) you seem like a very nice boi. i think you should have told her long ago that you liked her though, you seemed too scared, too indecisive, which is understandable

    In the future i would recommend not letting one girl control your life

    I think the biggest problem was that you started becoming really unhealthy like you mentioned not getting much sleep, or eating much, playing videogames, etc. all because of this girl. And in the end what good did it do you.

    If you really wanted to attract this girl, then you should be maximizing your attractiveness, eating well, sleeping well, exercising going to the gym and becoming your best version.

    There will be many more opportunities. this girl is not the end all be all. You can do better in fact
     
  11. That quiet guy

    That quiet guy Fapstronaut

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    Those weeks with bad sleep, apatite, less interest in video games and so on were really hell for me. Whatever I did she were in my mind all the time, even when I was sleeping, which I later said to my self I can't continue with, because of how badly it inpacted on my life. So it was really a relief to get it off my chest by telling how I felt about her.

    And yes this is not the only one, there are plenty of other girls out there, so there is no meaning to give up
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2019
  12. That quiet guy

    That quiet guy Fapstronaut

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    I know these paper things I made were quite lame and I should've really went right up to her instead and asked. I do really dislike the nervosity problem I have while being around women, but I might know what I could do to minimize or get away with it completely. I should really try to be more social, because I am way too quiet most of the time while being around folks. This is not something that can be changed over a night, but I'll be doing my best.

    Either way, I'll take my next step to find another and forget about her, since there are plenty of others out there.
     
    DeservedCriticism likes this.
  13. That quiet guy

    That quiet guy Fapstronaut

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    What I did was nothing more than childish and I will never do such thing again... just gosh what was I thinking with?
    Either way, I'll be taking your advice to take it serious and change my appearence around girls, because it is really non acceptable for me to be as shy as I am. If I'm going to say something to a girl the only option is directly talking to her face, not anything else silly.
    I need to be more social while being around people, to improve my speech abilities and also minimize my big ''fear'' of talking to girls. It won't happen over a day, but the day will come soon.
     
  14. Soldier of God

    Soldier of God Fapstronaut

    Focusing on girls and video games is like holding poisonous snakes and hand grenades.
    You rather need a Great Light shining upon you.
     
    BecomeMaster and That quiet guy like this.
  15. TrueSaiyan

    TrueSaiyan Fapstronaut

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    If she has a boyfriend that would say something like that to you such as "Fuck off." I would just stop things with her. If you continue then he might be too over protective of her and try to start a fight or something. I honestly cant stand guys like that even if you say one thing to the girl and they act like you're "hitting on her".If she cared enough for you to be her friend she would be asking her boyfriend to back off. Or at least say something nice to you.

    For one thing man I give you an applaud for making new friends and going out to watch movies with them and having them respect you for who you are. Man you are only protecting yourself from being shy, maybe they have some immaturity, especially the "boyfriend". You are learning about the real world and how it is. Don't feel down and depressed. You'll have plenty of opportunities in the future.
     
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  16. That quiet guy

    That quiet guy Fapstronaut

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    What I think is that she didn't dared to tell him to back off, because it would make him to think that she is rather more interested in me than him.
    Also she said we could continue as friends right after I told her how I felt about her, but a few days later she said we should be classmates instead. This get me to wondering if she was maybe forced by her boyfriend to say that we couldn't stay as friends anymore, because he was afraid that I would continue with what I was doing.

    All I should do, is to and move on and forget about her, which I pretty much have already, since this happened between december and january. She is no longer in my mind all the time, but she use to come up when I am doing things I used to do with her and her friends during this time.

    If this friendship can be saved, it can't be saved by me, things will only end up even worse if I try to. So if she wants it saved, it is her that shall do next move.
    She said that she is an ''alpha'', which I consider quite hilarious, because what did she do to get things done? Yes she told her boyfriend to add me up and say indirectly ''fuck off'', which she could've done by her self with her own words instead of his words. Not would I go up to a friend of mine and ask them ''Could you tell .... that since the first day we met I've had feelings for her?'', I dared to say it by my self to her, which she didnt dare to do to me, but maybe I did not do it in the right way by folding paper planes and such.
    Also she could've told me in the early days that she didn't like me holding her company instead of in the very end, could it be that hard to say? I would just say ''If you don't want company by me, it's fine for me''. It is really hard to know what she thought about it, by neither saying it was okay rather than it was not okay, since all I wanted was to be a nice and friendly friend by doing this.

    Either way to wrap things up. I have moved on, I am not depressed to the level I used to be at all and I have motivation to move on, because I know i've got plenty of other chances out there. Also if this friendship can be saved it is not by me, but by her.

    That quiet guy
     
  17. Roady

    Roady Fapstronaut

    Hi quiet guy,

    I read through your story. It's brave what you did, approach that girl and share your story here.
    You are young, and we all have similar experiences. I have too.

    like much guys there is a mechanism in your life.
    As soon as you connect to a girl, that mechanism is started to do its work.
    As I can read, you gave up yourself, and all your interests because of her. You gave up your sleep, your eating habits, you video games. Maybe it's called "you fell in love". But for sure it has nothing to do with love for yourself.

    From my own experiences I (think I) can see you have issues to work on. Lack of self esteem. Lack of manhood maybe?
    And I see a sort of abandonment fear to start appearing when you interact with that girl.
    Maybe I'm wrong but for sure you have some fear issue inside of you.
    You better start working on them. (but first do your own investigation, don't just believe what others say).

    Learn how to take care of yourself. Develop yourself as the person you are, apart from girls.

    You had an experience with that girl but it could be much much worse. Learn what you have to learn an go on.
    Go back to yourself and your basics. That's what you were before you met her.

    Life is what you make of it. Have a good day!
     
  18. That quiet guy

    That quiet guy Fapstronaut

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    Sure it was brave of me for what I did, but I can't really say it was made in the "right way", by giving her a paper plane asking if we could be friends. I see it now as very childish thing done of me, well it may seem unique and cute, but it is not really a working mechanism. I should've rather walked up to her face instead and asked as a normal person would do, to see how she would react and also see how she thinks about it, nothing else than that simply.

    I became scared over my self, despite the fact that I slept very bad, ate much less, pretty much lost interest of things I used to do during this time, because this has never happened to me before in my life. I didn't choose to be this way, it happened without me wanting it, which got me to later deciding I can't live any further with this. That was why I told her how I felt, and later had problems moving on after this point, because I knew we could never be.

    I really need to learn to move on after things I've done. Things that has already been done can't be changed by any chance, instead I can learn of my mistakes I've done and improve my self to the next one I meet. I use to think to my self: "Never give up, even though your true love rejects you", which gives me more motivation to think that there is another one out there, that would be my love of my life.

    I really don't like my fear I have while being around girls, because it really is a issue I am dealing with and is needed to get out of my life if I ever want to have a relationship with a girl. What I'll do as I've said in the other posts, is to try to be more social while being around girls and boys, to improve my quality of both speech and interaction to others. Also another thing I'll do is to overcome my addiction to foot related porn I have had for about 2 years, where I have PMO'ed, which have got me more and more depressed, sad, less motivated each day and got me into being more social isolated from other people. These two are something I'll be working on and hopefully the day will come where I have no fear at all talking people, especially to girls.

    This is not something that will be changed today, but it will eventually be changed or atleast improved in the near future of my life, because I do really feel motivated to move on to improve my self to get better self esteem and even get more attractive by this.

    That quiet guy
     
  19. Epic Fight

    Epic Fight Fapstronaut

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    Hi mate, yes it was interresting read, otherwise I would never finish up such a long post.

    You did well, you overcame your fears and contacted the girl, big up!!!!!

    To answer your questions, from someone who is almost 2 decades older than you are:

    1) She did enjoy your company, as a friend. Thats why she asked you, how do you feel... many times. She wanted to know how you feel about her, because she felt you start to have feelings towards her. She wanted you as a friend from a start, when you told her, you want to be more than friends, that was the moment she backed up. Because she did not want to make that step.

    2) Situation would be much worse. You would feel even worse. And she would realize that you fell for her anyway. Its very good you told her your feelings and that this is over. Because it would be over anyway...

    3) She told her BF about you, he wanted to contact you. Its quite possible she read all the conversations you had with him

    4) Live healthy, work on yourself. Give yourself time to get over the stresfull events you went thru. Work on your confidence, and social skills as well. Try to become a better version of yourself. That this as a experience, and trust me, you did good!!!

    Next time, remember, to be more upfront. If you have feelings for someone, let them know. Dont hide it.
    Also remember, dont appear needy. Its a thin line to walk, to get a girl, you cant appear to be too much in her :D You will learn that during the time.

    Anyway, dont put any pressure about what happened on you. You did well. Next time, you will do better. All is good. Have a nice summmer mate!
     
    That quiet guy likes this.
  20. That quiet guy

    That quiet guy Fapstronaut

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    I do know that she couldn't take that step, since she already got a boyfriend. I didn't expect that from the beginning at all, but I really needed to tell her how I actually felt about her, because I couldn't continue with how I felt.

    I know that if this would be going around for longer time it would possible be even more harder to melt down and overcome, because of possible more memories and things we would've done, because I would possibly get more reminded of her if I did these things later on. Example the Avengers movie I watched at her appartment might get me reminded of her if I watch it again.

    I understand that her boyfriend really started to worry about me, because of what I did to her. Actually it is quite a natural thing of him contacting me and telling me to stop with what I was doing, because it may impacted a bit on their relationship.

    As in the following posts I've said that I'll be doing my best to be more social, get better self esteem and overcome my fears. I've learned much of these mistakes I've done with this girl, and I only see it as positive, because I have now learned of these ones and will not do these again to the next one I meet. It could be done way, way more inferior and end up way, way more worse than this, so I am glad it went like it did.

    Have a nice summer!
    That quiet guy
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2019

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