My second journal: Trying to become a hero

Discussion in 'Uncategorized Reboot Logs' started by Jazzmusician, Aug 23, 2018.

  1. Jazzmusician

    Jazzmusician Fapstronaut

    Day 0 on No PMO and no internet until 1pm

    The start is very short. I had an extremely long and vibrant erection in the morning for 1 hour and 10 minutes. I savored the feeling neither trying to calm it down nor trying to go back to old habits. With my new rule I shut down the computer now to fulfill my next goal.

    now it is 13:10.

    Made it somehow through the morning. The urge to sit on the computer for looking at things (except pics) was extremely high.

    In the afternoon I all of a sudden wanted to have an erection. I went to the men's room and rubbed me one. Didn't feel as good as the long one in the morning. So I pulled up my pants and went back to work.

    The rest of the day was normal.
     
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2018
  2. Jazzmusician

    Jazzmusician Fapstronaut

    Day 1 on No PMO and no internet until 1pm

    Morning ritual as usual. Savor my erection. My wife found out that I had pulled down my pants a smiled saying something like, What are you doing. I told her that I have an erection. She glimpsed under the sheet and smiled saying nothing more.

    Yesterday evening my weight was up at 64.3 so thought, ok that's not perfectly under control here. In the morning however I was t o my own surprise at 62.4!

    Relaxed breakfast time with my wife and my kids. When everything at the hpuse is set for the day I leave to go to work. There I get a call from my co worker that he is sick and stays home. In the past I would have taken the opportunity to just look the door and PMO sometimes the whole day.

    Starting work I usually do first computer stuff but with my new rule I have really to be strict with myself. To redirect my thoughts I sit at the black screen of the computer smoke a cigarette and write a list of to do things. Looking at the long list I get a moment of frustration. How shall I manage all this. I go to the toilet to make me an erection but don't ejaculate and after 20 minutes I am back. I start cleaning stuff and arrange things which got misplaced. Around noon I have another urge to boot the computer. Somehow this urge is worse than wanting to watch porn. I need to take control of this. At 2pm my morning work has proceeded to some degree so I allow myself to boot the computer.
     
  3. Jazzmusician

    Jazzmusician Fapstronaut

    Day 2 no PMO no internet until 1 pm

    Had a hands free orgasm on Sunday. Don't know what I should think about it. In the morning when I had an erection it all of a sudden started to overflow and I let it go.
    The harder part for me is during work days to stay away from the internet even if I don't watch porn or look at nudes. Reset my counter.
     
  4. Jazzmusician

    Jazzmusician Fapstronaut

    It's a week now.

    My achievements

    1. Didn't watch porn
    2. Didn't have an orgasm.
    3. Started in small bits to build positive habits
    4. Talked to my wife for a partly confession and apology.
    5. Got over a stressful situation without relapse but was edging.



    Didn't view porn but there have been too many ups and downs. For me it is in the end to get rid of Internet distractions and a time organized focused lifestyle.
    First three days of the last week were somehow ok, no internet before 1pm Thursday and Friday were just a disaster because there were things I needed to do.
    Lot of stress brought propelled mr into edging without getting an orgasm.
    Then came the crush into a extremely rare moment of depression. I was down. When my wife asked my why I am so quiet I opened up though I couldn't bring myself to confess my porn addiction. I told her how sorry I am to be no right support to the family and all the things which went 'wrong' in the past. She took it half calm half upset.
    The following day I felt strangely relieved about my life's situation though nothing had dramatically changed. This made me to sit on the computer in the morning against my own rule but for a good reason: I looked for an online porn addiction therapist and found the courage to get connected but didn't sign up directly.
    On Saturday my body seemed to have transformed. When I woke up the erection in the morning wasn't there. My body weight was the first time at the 61.5 mark and I felt proud on myself that I made it there with pretty radically not eating for a whole day for 2 weeks. Unfortunately this increased my appetite for cigarettes and 2 cigarettes a day became 5-6.

    The rest of the day was a flatline. No urges through the day felt strange. So strangely calm that I even tried to rub me an erection but it didn't hold. So I am resetting my counter to 0 again. Not for relapse but for reset.

    The formula I was trying the last week had a few problems. No internet until 1 pm is not doable every day. Need to find a more flexible solution. I realized as well that I can't concentrate on my work longer than 1.5 hours and it doesn't make sense to force myself to make it longer. But breaks should not done with Internet distractions.

    I need to find a healthy life rythm. This means for the frame a good division of the things I like the things I don't like the things I have to do every day and to know where there are times to relax. This includes as well the fulfillment of sexual desires.

    Modified plan for the next week besides no PMO.

    Make a plan of minimal goals for the day
    Add bonus goals which are meant to count as plus achievements for the day.
    Write down in the list how much time is intended for what.

    Go back to the 7 minute full body workout.
    Go from eating diet to hold weight plan at the current level.
    Introduce every day a new good habit as small as it might be.
     

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