Greetings to fellow members, I am 21 and my story is almost embarrassing when I think about it. I started PMO at the age of 12 or 13 if I have good memory. It feels sad when I realized that for years, I was really doing it. Sometimes I will MO 3 times a day and others time none a week or just 3 times. Mine was varying and it will only happen when I isolates myself. I keep the secret act secret and was very okay doing it. I hated the opposite site and will only criticize. Sometimes, I will do it a lot until I feel disgusted and stop for some months and later come back to it as if I was thirsty for days and finally found water to drink. The year before my final high school year, I setup a challenge which I respected until 6 months without any PMO. After that, gradually but slowly, I was getting back to the usual habit. My final year in high school, I had a lot of depression because I found myself rejecting girls coming to me and seeing them not my class. Those whom I admire were distant and I couldn't get to them. Until a classmate who has been admiring me so much wanted to know why I am depressed. Because she was so interested in me, I kept it secret until she proposed to me. We had a good relationship until the day we went to bed, I felt something different than what I used to do. I stopped PMO since I was with her until I went to the university. In the university, my first year was clean and I did it just a few times in that year probably less than 10 times. I felt to be a hero. A genius in school, a confident person and more. But I had a flaw again, see women as inferior and most of them being not my standards. This is my second year and it has been catastrophic with PMO. I live alone now and have been watching P every time I got the chance. I thought I was old enough to control myself and to limit what I see to the pleasure of my eyes. But every time I watched, I sometimes get up myself and head to the bathroom where I will do the act or take lubricant with me and do it right in front of my laptop. It made me hate myself, lose hope, felt defeated and I finally said, when I will over do it, I will stop it alone but it was a lie. Thank God I was browsing Reddit where someone said he tried nofap but nothing. I didn't know what the word meant but I googled and found out that fap is the practice I was doing and the website was right there. I joined and read similar stories, read recommendations and advice. I have gone through sufferings. I will MO until I will be feeling pain around my groin, feeling weak, seeing my semen liquid like water because it had to take time to produce more. But I will be doing it more and more. 3 times a day. The saddest thing is that, I think my growth has been stopped by it. I am medium height but some of my brothers are really tall. I knew I will be tall too but did not know my secret habit I enjoyed more than other things will be the cause of many things that I see today. I am sorry if some words are not good to be here and of course for my English. This community is the best and has brought a lot of change to me. This is encouraging. I just broke the rule today after several weeks of no PMO. In fact I stopped P more than a month now but what made me MO was I was shaving myself and got aroused as I was in contact with my private. But I still feel it bad. I am starting another challenge. A 3 month without PMO and may be never do it again. This site is the best thing someone can give to a friend. Thanks to you all who makes this community a successful one and PMO free.