My road to 130 days hardmode so far

As I write this, it's Day 42 of a 130 day hardmode (with the intention of never Ming again) and I wanted to share my success story (so far) with others to show that if I, a chronic masturbator for over 30 years can do it, SO CAN YOU.

A little bit about myself: I'm 43, never lost my virginity, always was a bumbling idiot when it came to women, battled social anxiety and feelings of intense inferiority. Always working to improve my self-esteem. You can read my journal here.

I was never into porn but I did visualize a lot. Which is something I hadn't realized was a problem until I started hardmode.

After almost a year of nofap relapses with my longest record being 41 days (but full of edging, and mini-relapses) this time around, I am much more successful. I am amazed that I've actually erased all my fapping habits that I've tried to get rid of for 30 years. It was so difficult, seems absolutely impossible, but here I am today able to brush off temptation like it's nothing. It took a lot of hard work and it was worth it. Really, you can be absolutely successful, too!

Here's what worked for me:

1. I really wanted to get rid of my M habit. Being determined kept me fighting when temptation got challenging or when I relapsed (I got right back up and soldiered on).
2. I changed my mindset from "I can't live without O!", "This will be impossible!" to "I don't need to M", "I don't need to visualize sex scenes".
3. Whenever I relapsed, I felt really bad. Like a loser. A weakling. It sucked to feel this way so I chose to assess what caused me to relapse and started again much stronger with the knowledge gained. I felt like Superman. Like a man of his word. A man who accepts failure, defeat, responsibility. A man who is strong yet humble. My record before was 41 days but it was full of edging and mini-relapses with no O or ejaculation. My old habits being eliminated 1 by 1.
4. I took it one temptation at a time instead of thinking how many days left to Day 130.
5. I kept up with my religion and feel so much more confident, calm.
6. I learned that M was suppressing my dopamine levels. Dopamine is the hormone that motivates us into action. Chronic M depleted my dopamine. Thus, part of what kept me fighting was the fact that I was determined not to deplete this important hormone. Bringing your dopamine levels back to normal is what all the "superpowers" that everyone here talks about. The superpowers I now have are:

• Women look so, so, so much more alluring. God bless them!
• My penis became really, really sensitive around Day 20. It was a fantastic feeling because I now feel like a whole man. A healed man. A pure man. M made me feel the opposite. A loser and someone who self-stimulates and fantasizes about being great in bed instead of working to find woman to make love to.
• My penis is thicker, harder even when flaccid.
• Erections/morning/night wood are much stronger, a lot harder, and feel really good.
• My libido skyrocketed around Day 25. Some days I was incredibly horny — for hours. It was great. I felt manly.
• I feel so much more confident. I feel my mojo coming back full force.
• I've always been concerned about performance anxiety and being a virgin I have the extra anxiety of epically messing up my first time. Now I feel confident that I'll be awesome no matter how much I may mess up. It's just not a concern. Though with a super sensitive or is, I'd better take things real slow
• It's really easy now for me to resist any level of temptation to M or visualize sex scenes now. This really blows my mind.
• Nofap helped me learn how to live in the present. As a life-long worrier always worrying about the future, this is really big.

I've also been working out and find that it's helping me feel manlier along with the fact that I am strong on the inside (resisting temptation, not abusing my body) and outside.

I've also been working on naturally increasing my testosterone levels so this may have played some role in my superpowers listed above.

I'm not completely sure but it seems nofap and increasing my Testosterone is making me build and keep muscle better. Or it may be simply mindset or muscle memory (I've been lifting weights since high school).

Nofap is one of the best things I have ever done. Thank you to the founders and this community!

 

I do feel like a changed man today because I fulfilled one of my major goals: to beat my last record. I thought it wouldn't be easy because 41 days sounds like such a long time. By taking things a temptation at a time (and relapsing too many times for almost a year), things got relatively "easy".

Nofap is really, really cool.

 

I deny everything!

Actually, my goal was originally 90 daysz then for whatever reason I can't remember, I increased it to then 100 then then 120. Then I added extra days to make up for each time I lightly fapped by habit or intention (but didn't O or E). Then rounded up to 130.

 

I read somewhere that the details of the rules are up to you. But really my goal is to never M again, no lightly fapping, no edging. Nothing self-stimulating.

That said, I didn't want to restart all over again since I didn't edge. So I decided instead to add additional days to my goal. Other times throughout the year I did reset and just ended up relapsing shortly after so I wanted to give this a try.

 

Day 51 but I fapped a bit last night again (no O no E). So altogether, that happened 10 times in 50 days. On the bright side, it's far fewer times than my old habit of MOing 4-6 times a week.

Though I really ought to reset the clock. However, I know from past experience that it will only entice me to listen to my inner addict and purposely relapse to "really make it count" so I can O and E. I can sense my body still craving/expecting MO. So I want to play it safe and let the clock continue BUT.... focus the next 50 days on doing hardmode for real. No touching, no pride in how hard/strong/awesome my night/morning wood is. Absolutely no sexual thoughts, nada.

The other day I was pondering how if I could keep strong after 130 days. Having a goal and being competitive seems to help me so I decided to set 50-day milestones.

I'm really digging the benefits of semen retention and would hate to see them go.

 

Day 60! Two months. Two whole months. And I've only fapped (no O, no E, no edging) 12 times.

(I just realized my clock says 72 days. I need to change that)

This is phenomenal for me. I can't believe I reached 60 days. But I did it with perseverance and taking one step at a time getting stronger each time.

So what have I learned the past weeks since my last Success Story post?

1. Writing down a positive affirmation and reading it every day helps. "I want to keep my dopamine levels high". Every time I fapped — even without O, E, or edging — I'm depleting my dopamine levels. I want none of that.
2. I've learned that retaining semen helps relieve anxiety. I've been suffering from HOCD so one of the reasons for doing nofap was to see if it can help me get rid of these intrusive thoughts or at least control them. And so far so good. I'm getting better (hat tip to the advice from @AlexMtl87).
3. I've felt my manly qualities kicking in. I seem to be accepting set backs with stoicism and grace. I'm worrying less about what others may think. I'm not ruminating on worries as much (other than the HOCD). I feel more aggressive (in a good way), more assertive. I feel like I'm in beast mode all the time
4. Women are really, really, really more alluring
5. I swear my balls also grew bigger.

Now that it has been 2 days since I've "lightly fapped" (a habit I still haven't been able to break), I'm focused more on breaking it. So I'm officially becoming more strict with doing true hardmode. The longer I abstain, the longer the beast mode.

 

It would be great if they continue all the time but us humans aren't machines I guess As long as I don't cave and stick to my hardmode goals, I'll still feel great

 

No idea how much influence nofap has on someone's social skills. I learned mine from getting out there and doing. The more I practiced, the more I learned. You can practice with baristas, other customers who are waiting in line, even at work/school.

Maybe what you can do is Google "how to start small talk" to get some ideas then go from there.

 

Woo hoo! Day 73 and Day 5 of what I call "pure hardmode" (get it? Chaste. Pure.) — no light fapping at all. Haven't touched my penis with the exception of washing and peeing.

 

Today is Day 80 for me and Day 12 of pure hardmode (no "light fapping" no touching my penis). I'm amazed that I was able to reach this far. Only 10 days to my next major stretch goal of 90 days. 10 days used to seem like such a long, long time and impossible task. Now it's more like "10 days is easy!".

Here are my observations since the last time I wrote (no idea if any of these are direct results of nofap since life and biology is complex but I do like nofap and can't imagine ever going back to my old ways):

• I seem to be more assertive in my thoughts.
• I'm beginning to care less and less about what others' perceptions of me
• I seem to be able to build muscle even more quickly (though this may be because of muscle memory and my new diets of increasing Testosterone and DHT levels)
• I'm also keeping muscle longer.
• Temptation to fap is still there but on a scale of 0 to 10, it's at 1. I'm much too strong to relapse!
• My penis and balls feel bigger, harder, and thicker even when flaccid. If only my penis could get longer then I'd be really happy! But then again, I'm a grower not a shower

What kept me going was remaining hopeful and dealing with one temptation at a time. After passing 2 months, resisting temptation became a little easier because I really didn't want to risk losing all those days and the huge let down of having to start all over again. In other words, I took responsibility into my own hands (pardon the pun) and was a man about it. Discipline, inner strength, delayed gratification — all the stuff that in the end built me up. Us guys were made to feel this way.

Now I'm working on other areas of my life that needs major improving. The challenge now is my impatience and annoyance with the state of the world. I'm working to become more calm and, well, patient. Let things take the time they need to happen. Be it someone driving too slow in front of me or waiting for my left arm to heal (long story short: last week I hurt it in the gym and now I can't lift for an unknown length of time ☹️). Catholic moment: I've been praying the Peace Prayer and the Rosary to help me stay calm and benevolent.

I have noticed that I've been even more quick to anger lately. Don't know if it's because it's been 80 days since I gave my body the self-pleasure it's used to or I've become a cranky old man Life and humans are complex after all. In any case, the world is so full of anger now that I want do my part in not adding any more anger.

 

I'm on Day 85 and ended up waking in the middle of the night fapping I still had enough control to stop on my half-sleep state but what surprised me was how much strength I had in keeping myself from ejaculating. I guess my PC muscles got really strong. I didn't edge, just closed things up and that was it. So yeah, I definitely have a stronger penis from doing nofap

I'm learning that old habits take a long, long time to go away so I'm focusing more on strength in self-control. There's something really manly about having self-control.

Nofap builds strong character.