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My porn addiction has confused me for the longest time.

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by SeekingLife, Jan 11, 2017.

  1. SeekingLife

    SeekingLife Fapstronaut

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    I just feel like masturbation and viewing porn got so much of the best of me since i started around the age of 12 that I started branching out and finding anything else that could get me off because I was simply bored of the porn i would usually masturbate to - ie pictures of hot girls, straight porn, lesbian porn. However, as I recall i remember running into a transwoman porn site and just looked at it and thought it was something totally out of the ordinary, and for some reason I masturbated to it. But then everytime i did it, I always regretted it right after. I just feel like masturbating has become such a true addiction for me that my mind gets a rush of masturbating to things I know that feels wrong, but it somehow gets me off. I have had so much trouble figuring out why my mind feels this way! And I really want to know if anyone else has experienced or is now experiencing the same thing as me? I know for a fact that I am not gay and that I am attracted to females, but the fact a transwoman has the characteristics of a female but is somehow a male, gives me a rush and i masturbate to it. This has honestly gotten out of hand for me as I know that it will never be something to be a part of my sexuality, especially from the fact that whenever I'm done ejaculating i think to myself, "what. in. the. fuck. did i just look at.." and I just feel totally disgusted of both myself and a transwoman figure. This is exactly why I have pledged to start nofap as this is a really bad addiction that I want to cure and never have to look back at again. I want my normal life back again. I want to meet women and experience them and not be a prisoner of my own mind.
     
    Benito Antón, Tony945 and aenaon2000 like this.
  2. Shin Iu

    Shin Iu Fapstronaut

    A lot of actors or actress had mental illness, and the more you watch and imitate, the higher chance you get a mental illness like depression.
    Walk away from sexual stuff like a pastor, Shall God Award you and improve your destiny! Don't get driven by your thoughts, but control them. You are the owner of your thoughts instead of the slave.
     
    Benito Antón likes this.
  3. martyg

    martyg Fapstronaut

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    I can understand were your coming from I found porn around the same age and you get so board of the same same so you find things that you never do in real life and that shame feeling like you just massively let your self down its shit I know only to well porn is destroying my relationship I have a beautiful fiancé and a baby I'm ready to stop now I have tried solo so long I hope this forum can help in v stubborn in asking for help. I believe in you man its time for a fresh start!
     
  4. Shin Iu

    Shin Iu Fapstronaut

    One more thing, porn is not only affecting you, also your partner. And your brain is sicker than normal people, like your dad. If you compare you and your parent. Whose mind is sicker? I guessed that you knew it. And you would probably relate this to watching porn, because your parents are not watching as much as you. So here you are.
    Try to turn back to normal. Remember all your suffering, and what would be worse in the future if you don't quite:
    · Porn-induced erectile dysfunction
    · Inability to reach orgasm (anorgasmia) and/or decreased sensitivity in the penis
    · Diminished libido with real-world partners but not with porn
    · Real-life sexual indifference and/or aversion
    · Devaluation of real-life partners
    · Uncharacteristic fetishes
    · Depression, anxiety, stress and social malfunctioning
    · Reduced gray matter in the brain
    · Memory, concentration and impulse-control problems
    We must be FKing careful. Pron is a FKing rea, devil that Would beat us like a pig. There is no other way than Fighting back! WE DON'T HAVE CHOICE! WE DON'T HAVE CHOICE! WE DON'T HAVE CHOICE!
     
    Benito Antón likes this.
  5. Rikarwb

    Rikarwb Fapstronaut

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    What you described there ... was myself a couple months back.

    I remember in the start, i hated the image of a "transwoman" or "transgendered person". But then one day, i was curious and i watched one video ... and i got hooked. I M to transwomen for the rush of doing something "wrong" or "abnormal", but everytime i O, i felt disgusted ...
    And then that ended up on me trying to crossdress ...

    Right now, i have not masturbated for 3-4 months, and not watched porn for 4-5 months. And let me tell you: THINGS GET BETTER. You might occasionally still think about transwomen ( or P in general ), but, at least, I don't have urges to masturbate to transwomen ( and P in general ). Your brain will rewire it self and come to the conclusion that "You were always straight, you always loved girls, there is no reason to urge transwomen or transgendered people"

    And i kind of blame transwoman porn for me to try stopping this addiction ( which is good ). If i didn't hit rock bottom, i would have never probably tried to stop it. So you're in a good position to try to stop it.

    But is not going to be easy. For the first two months, i would go 2 weeks without M and P, then M and P again for 1 week and so on ...
    I knew it wasn't the best strategy. So i stopped P, but continued M for a month ( therefore the month difference on my P and M record ). It got so much better because, for a month, i enjoyed M how it is supposed to be enjoyed: with yourself, and nothing else. Then i stopped it as well. There were times that i got really hard urges, but working out and cold showers helped. ALSO never be bored. If you're bored, you'll probably think about sex.

    Think that you're in a position of ignorance, that your own brain is tricking you. Therefore you need to fight against your instinct of M to transwoman P. It's like you're hungry, but you must not eat ... but you don't need P to survive ;)

    Good luck, my friend. Believe in yourself, and you'll conquer great things :)
     
    Benito Antón likes this.
  6. Paleblood

    Paleblood Fapstronaut

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    You have to want it! Say I want to quit! When it changes from I'm quiting to I don't watch Porn you know you've beat it. Don't worry about the escalation fetish. It'll have no hold on you if you leave it in the past.
     
  7. SeekingLife

    SeekingLife Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for that. Everything you listed pretty much summed up most of what i am currently suffering from excessive masturbation. Im now on day 6 and I hope to keep going strong and keeping the reasons of why i started in mind everytime i feel that urge.
     
  8. SeekingLife

    SeekingLife Fapstronaut

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    Wow, i feel relieved that there is someone else in this world that shares this same, and inexplicably weird addiction as me. I really do hope that when i reach the one month mark that I will feel totally different. If i haven't masturbated for a few days, usually my first instinct will be to masturbate to a hot girl or porn, transwoman porn is always that last resort for me if I really want to orgasm - even though I don't even like it. It's cool to hear that your reboot lead you to stop - that really is influencing me to keep going because I don't ever want to masturbate to that shit again. It feels degrading and shameful
     
  9. SeekingLife

    SeekingLife Fapstronaut

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    Thanks man, that really helps to hear. I'm going pretty strong right now. Im at day 6 - almost a week which is record for me since i started at the age of 12, im 19 now. I really cannot believe how easy it actually is when you really have a set goal in mind and being occupied with other activities that are important.
     
    seba5116 likes this.
  10. Paleblood

    Paleblood Fapstronaut

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    I'm 19 as well I'm not sure when I started probably around 12 or 13. I have experience in escalation fetish as well if you want someone to talk with you can message me, ill never give up on anyone until we are all free from this.
     
  11. Rikarwb

    Rikarwb Fapstronaut

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    I remember after one month i didn't feel that different. But i kept going !
    EVEN if you feel like you just wasted 1 month, keep going, because you're in the right track.
    Some people notice a difference after 2 weeks. Others after months. But that doesn't matter, what matters is getting the objective done.

    I wish you the best of luck :D
     
  12. Shin Iu

    Shin Iu Fapstronaut

    people did like 3 years or 5 years and eventually they totally quite it without counting days or month or even years. they are doing really well, because quiting this addictions are good for your brain or career. Wish you the best!
     
    martyg likes this.
  13. SeekingLife

    SeekingLife Fapstronaut

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    Thats really good to hear, because im hoping after i reboot i wont even have a the slightest urge to want to masturbate to this shitty addiction.
     
    Shin Iu likes this.
  14. SeekingLife

    SeekingLife Fapstronaut

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    Yeah man, thanks for the motivation. I actually watched a video yesterday from a new guy on youtube, his name is Noah BE Church. I recommend taking a look at his video on why heterosexual men masturbate to transwoman porn - literally the 3 main reasons he laid out is exactly why i do it and why i got hooked. I just want to know of this in someway relates to you. Let me know!
     
  15. Cyvx

    Cyvx Fapstronaut

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    I had exact same experience. Afterwards i would feel an enormous amount of regret.. Its just not worth it. Never knew what started it but after finding Nofap and YBOP i knew it. Now its time to leave that behind, you're not alone. Good luck!
     
  16. Rikarwb

    Rikarwb Fapstronaut

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    Very nice video. The only thing I'm a bit "skeptical" about, it's his first point.
    From what i remember from that porn genre, the "feminine" side of the actor was really skewed: the boobs looked fake as hell, their voice was obviously more manly, and ... the penis ( also sometimes you could notice more muscles in them, NOTHING AGAINST WOMEN WITH MUSCLES ).

    I don't really understand how "a woman who kinda looks like a man" would make me hornier than " a woman that looks like a woman", FEMININITY WISE. Sure, they can try to be more "female like", but that does not happen practically.

    Also, i understand the "primal instinct" of wanting to have sex with the most women as possible, specially if they are already together with another male: You want YOUR genes to get passed in a future generation, not another random dude's ones ...

    But one thing is to be hornier because you need to be "better than the other male" ( in this case "have a bigger erection" ).
    Another thing is enjoying looking at big penises ... and getting hornier from that.

    If heterosexual men are searching videos with big penines on them, I SERIOUSLY DOUBT they see "penis", as heterosexual women see "penis". And i say this because in the second part of the video, where he shows the 2 guys talking about "What parts do men like the most ?", i got the vibes that they are trying to say "Men search for penises because they like them". For heterosexual men, this is wrong in so many levels :p.
    Sure they can try to find videos "So they can challenge the male actor, by having a bigger erection and more pleasure", but searching because they like the "penis" ? ... If that's the case, they would be homosexual ( nothing wrong with that either ).

    I personally think ( and this is a more "porn addicted" point of view ) is that
    men search for "big dick" porn, so they can see the woman get used as an object, in a way like "a bigger penis" = "dirtier and harder sex" ? The whole scene of "That slut gets fucked by a big dick" you know ?
    I always thought it was that ... maybe it's both i dunno.

    --

    I really identify with his 2º point, the 1º one i really don't understand, the 3º one i can see happening, but not "how they presented it" ( I agree with that they said ... but i just got the vibe they were also saying "Straight men like masturbating to penis" )

    *breath* Life is hard ... literally *badumtss* :cool:
     
  17. SeekingLife

    SeekingLife Fapstronaut

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    Yeah just touching up on his first point and why it happened to turn me on is that transwomen try really hard to look feminine and as a result of heterosexual desires, we crave for strong feminity. Even knowing that the person who is trying to look feminine is actually a male, is for some reason a dirty thought/rush in my mind and it just confusing af as to why it makes me feel like that. I've always searched on transwoman sites for the most "feminine" looking ones because I would always think in my mind "how in the fuck is that a guy?". And it just seemed that it was a repetitive process for me, or as if it was a goal - to find the most feminine transwoman that hardly hints at being a male except for the genitals of course. I dont know if thats how you've also looked at transwomen this way but i think in Noah's video this is what he was explaining.

    But i totally agree with you on the fact that men only search up penises just to see it be in use, not for the actual pleasure of appreciating its physical characteristics. I know for how long that i've watched transwoman porn that I never wished to actually have sex with one, nor be dominated by one - and that's where I've felt safe from the fact i am definitely heterosexual. It's just this constant mindfuck that these transwomen give that is just really too confusing to put into words. But i have since quit watching and its been 11 days of no pmo (hardmode), and I can say that I have not even looked back at watching this poison overcome me.
     
  18. SeekingLife

    SeekingLife Fapstronaut

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    Did you end up getting cured from it? how was your process like and what did it take to never look back?
     
  19. Rikarwb

    Rikarwb Fapstronaut

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    I have also tried to search for the most feminine ones, because if it looked like a guy, i would say "I'm not gay", and i would turn it off. But i would search for feminine transwomen because ... I'm heterosexual :D But then you ask "So why were you searching for transwomen ?"

    Because of the rush, as you mentioned. The dirty thought of doing something "wrong" got me off. But if i went to extreme, by searching "non-feminine transwomen", i would just not get excited at all ...

    So yeah, i still don't understand how can "a girl who resembles a boy" be more feminine than a "girl who resembles a girl". Sure, the transwoman can try to be more "feminine", but ( for me ) it will never be more feminine than a girl because ... he has a penis :p.

    P.S.: In general transwomen have deeper voices, so that ( for me ) kills the "perfect image of a woman", just adding up to my misunderstanding of his first point in the video :confused:
     
  20. Rikarwb

    Rikarwb Fapstronaut

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    I don't want to throw you off, just telling my personal experience.
    1º Week is always hell for me ( which you have already passed though )
    2º week is a flat-line, so no dirty thoughts.
    3º week to 5º week: starts to get really hard again. All thoughts of porn come to mind
    After than, is just a slow decline of all PMO urges.

    Again, don't be thrown off ! This is my experience, so take it with a grain of salt !
    However, be aware that it might become harder ( literally *badumtss* ).
    But since everybody is different, it might become easier for you :)
     

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