MY OFFICIAL REBOOT( the beginning of the end )

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Rock_Star, Mar 31, 2018.

  1. Rock_Star

    Rock_Star Fapstronaut

    86
    406
    53
    it doesn't sound like you understand betrayal trauma. my wife doesn't feel safe and the specificity of the questions are a big part of why she feels that way. she didn't get to have her closure and resolution with the polygraph. the reason I did the polygraph test in the first place was so she could have closure, not so I good have some kind of relief.
     
  2. ItsNeverTooLate

    ItsNeverTooLate Fapstronaut

    440
    1,134
    123
    Not impossible for a man to NOT be turned on by naked woman. I’ve met two kinds of men who aren’t. Gay friends & men friends who don’t conform to societal standards of “being turned on by a naked woman makes you a man”. And, no, its not one person in my circle of friends, it’s several.

    Side note: BOTH of those groups of men that I know find women attractive, despite NOT being turned on by them. Big difference in my opinion. Personally I can find a naked man and/or woman of any sexual orientation attractive but it is only my husband that turns me on. Sure, if it is a man and he’s straight, I may be tempted by his sexual appeal, but I am still not turned on because I also recall my vows, loyalty, companionship, and sexual attraction to my husband.

    And I get men and women are different but not that much. As is testament by the woman on here who struggle with P addiction.
     
  3. ItsNeverTooLate

    ItsNeverTooLate Fapstronaut

    440
    1,134
    123
    I agree. If they did they would offer you support without discrediting @Kenzi feelings and reaction, regardless of their own personal assumptions of your situation. Only you two know the whole real story.
     
    Rock_Star and Trappist like this.
  4. TheMightyQuinn

    TheMightyQuinn Fapstronaut

    I'm sorry it wasn't what either of you wanted. I want to give you kudos for your empathy in this process. It's really easy for an addict to focus on the selfish poor me side of "she didn't get what she wanted" if you know what I am saying. You're showing a lot of empathy and compassion from my perspective. I'm in (both of) your corner(s).

    Peace to you both,
    -Quinn
     
  5. Rock_Star

    Rock_Star Fapstronaut

    86
    406
    53
    DAY 33
    I had a hard day today. I'm not going to lie. I like that everyone thinks I handled the polygraph thing well but I don't think I did. kenzi and I had a pretty big fight about it and I ended up saying some really hurtful things to her before we got to a place where we were both ready to listen and except what the other was saying. I didn't, at first, understand why kenzi didn't like the polygraph. it took me till today to really understand. I felt like my feelings and what I was trying to express to her wasn't being understood. I get that I'm not suppose to be understood I'm suppose to be understanding, but you know sometimes it's just plain hard to get through all of your emotions when it feels like you're not being heard. that goes for both SOs and PAs in relationships. as a PA I know I messed up and I will own that 100% but if what I'm feeling and the pain I have isn't validated it hinders my ability to be empithetic and understanding. Usually I get this support and understanding from my therapist or close friend but this time it bubbled up and needed to be resolved between kenzi and myself. so after we got to a place where we both felt like we were being heard she asked me all her questions that she wanted answered at the polygraph. I answered her honestly and truthfully. I explained how, I understand that she has a right to ask as many questions as she wants but when I get asked to many questions to fast I get overwhelmed and then I get defensive. which puts her on edge because I use to get defensive when I was lying and not being honest with her. we are making progress and sometimes there are going to be some big bumps in the road, but if we can get past them together the road will smooth and the bumps will be less and less.
     
  6. TheMightyQuinn

    TheMightyQuinn Fapstronaut

    You're human and you're going through _a lot_ right now. I know it is easy for me to say but I hope you can be gentle with yourself. Think back to when you were a little kid, before all of the sh*t hit the fan for you. No one says to themselves when they are 5 years old "when I grow up, I want to be an addict.". Something happened, something you did not deserve. Now you're an adult and you have to own it. You're doing that to the best of your abilities as an imperfect and fallible person. Kudos to you for dealing with the sh*tty hand you were dealt. Most people don't.

    Peace,
    -Quinn
     
  7. Rock_Star

    Rock_Star Fapstronaut

    86
    406
    53
    DAY 34
    yesterday started out really good. kenzi and I talked and we resolved alot of our fights we were having. we spent the day together working around the house getting ready for the move. then we went to couples counseling. it was a really good session. kenzi and I were able to talk and communicate with each other. the therapist gave us some homework to do, which we are going to do sometime this week.
     
    Last edited: May 17, 2018 at 11:34 AM
  8. Rock_Star

    Rock_Star Fapstronaut

    86
    406
    53
    DAY 35
    After some unfortunate happenings, day 35 isn't looking very good. All I want is to be there for kenzi the way she needs me to be, but sometimes I can't. I think she's the sexiest most beautiful woman in the world. I wish I had never hurt her with the porn I use to watch. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could have conquered my addiction before I had met kenzi so that she wouldn't have had to have been drug through all of this. now she's hurting and feels defeated and it's all my fault. she wants to feel sexy and beautiful again and I took that away from her. I love her and only see her. all I want is for her to have her confidence back, to know that I only want her, and to know that I really do find her sexy and attractive. that I'm extremely attracted to her. sometimes I find myself just staring at her and she'll ask me what I'm looking at? I'll say she makes me so happy. I'm feeling happy because I'm thinking, you're my wife, my sexy beautiful makes me feel better than anything in the world wife. I love her so much.
     
  9. Rock_Star

    Rock_Star Fapstronaut

    86
    406
    53
    DAY 36
    so today I did something that's was really weird for me. kenzi and I talked and we came up with, actually she came up with i just agreed, with a plan/solution to some problems we are having. so I went on an adventure. it was difficult but I succeeded and now we both feel better about our future. all in all today was a good day. almost all done with the house. got a couple little things left to do and some final touches, and we should be all good to go.
     
  10. Rock_Star

    Rock_Star Fapstronaut

    86
    406
    53
    DAY 37
    today was a good day. kenzi and I hung out and packed and painted. sat around a camp fire and had Smores with the kids, it was alot of fun.
     
    Jennica, Trappist, Jagliana and 2 others like this.
  11. camp fire and smores -- Awesome!!

    Nothing says good family time like smores:[​IMG]
     
    TheMightyQuinn, Jennica and Trappist like this.
  12. Trappist

    Trappist Fapstronaut

    I’m getting ‘Chip and Joanna Gaines’,
    Good to hear. :)
     
  13. Rock_Star

    Rock_Star Fapstronaut

    86
    406
    53
    DAY 38
    yesterday was good. Kenzi and I hung out. I actually finished the tasks I set out to do and the house is looking really good. I'm really excited about this. it's going to be really good for me to be in new a place.
     

Share This Page