My NoFAP Manifesto - An alternative way of overcoming PMO

I originally posted this on Reddit, but it didn't gain much traction. Still, I thought people would benefit and post it here as well. Here it goes.

I have been battling PMO for about 2 years. My biggest streak was 3 months. Other than that I very rarely stayed clean for more than a week. So it's fair to say that I have pretty much failed at NoFAP. And I'm not the only one.

We're a part of this community to get better and better of coping with porn and masturbation, yet the large majority of us are failing miserably at it. So I started questioning if the way we've been approaching this problem is the best one.

The usual way to go about it is:

• read some motivational post on NoFAP
• Delete your porn collection, install ad-blockers..
• Exert massive amounts of willpower and commit to never look at porn again
• Try to not think about porn, to not indulge in your sexual fantasies
• Be harsh on yourself every time you relapse, beat yourself up over it
• Repeat the steps above

Lately I've been reading 2 books which are already having a profound influence on me:

• Letting Go, by David Hawkins
• The Willpower Instinct, by Kelly McGonigal

The first one teaches you how to transcend to higher levels of consciousness, the 2nd one teaches you the science of habits (overcoming bad ones, developing good ones). So I started thinking how could I apply the knowledge from these books into getting better at NoFap. And I came up with the following framework that I'm following:


1. Forgive yourself, and learn to love yourself.

This is so crucial, I can't stress this enough. Practice self-compassion. Be kind to yourself. Learn to accept yourself. Learn about unconditional self-love. Realize that you are a valuable human being, you have intrinsic value, you are worthy of intimacy and love, just because you exist.

Porn, masturbation are not the problem. They're a manifestation of the problem. Which is all the deep inner issues that you've been burying down into your subconscious. Your childhood traumas. Practice introspection. Re-create and bring back all your painful memories. Let them take over you. Experience them fully and then let them go.

The fact that you watch /watched porn and masturbated doesn't take away your value. It doesn't make you less valuable. It just means that your behavior is not your best.

Learn to separate BEING from behavior.

2. Create an environment which supports your goals

One thing that's already been said around here, delete your porn collection. Look back at your relapses and analyze them. What was the trigger? Identify it and take measures in the future to not place yourself in the same situation. Do this not from a place of avoidance, like you're obsessively trying to run away from porn, but as a way of healing. You're making the conscious choices to better your life.

3. Practice meditation to increase your willpower and to get in touch with your being

Meditation builds up your willpower. It trains you to avoid instant gratification and not give in to your animal instincts. Do it regularly and you'll be able to not fall into relapses by exerting small amounts of willpower.

Tips:

• when feeling the urge to relapse, slow down your breathing. Inhale for 6 seconds, hold for 3, exhale for 6, hold for 3, and then breathe normally.
• Wait 5 min.When the urge kicks in, just commit to waiting another 5 minutes. If you will still want to do it after 5 min, tell yourself that it's ok

4. Don't beat yourself up, after relapsing

You've relapsed, so what. It's not the end of the world. First thing is to accept the situation. Yes, you've failed this one time. That's ok. Next time you will do better. Wipe your dick, wash your face, go out for a walk and continue with life. And remember: You are not a miserable, worthless human being for relapsing. Your inherent value hasn't changed, it's still there.

5. Embrace your sexuality and Let Go

What you resist persists, what you allow to be, dissapears (Carl Jung). Don't resist your urges, don't try not to think about them. This way, their power only grows. Instead, let them be, allow them to take place, and they will lose their power. They will go away.

I've been practicing this framework for 2 weeks now. I've relapsed 3 times in 14 days, half than my usual patterns. And it's just the beginning.