My neighbour & being PIED

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by R2DToy, May 21, 2018.

  1. R2DToy

    R2DToy Fapstronaut

    127
    161
    43
    Hello,

    I could use some advice on how to handle this. I like my neighbour, she lives right next door, she's a bit younger than me, but I'm wondering if she likes me.

    I spoke to her a bunch of times and everytime I get nervous. I'm not sure if I got feelings for her or that I'm always nervous around women. I think the latter mostly.

    Anyway, also being PIED I'm wondering what to do. I'm not even dating anyone and I'm already scared I might get rejected because of my PIED state.

    I'm always very nervous during dates. Maybe that's normal. I think it's mostly in advance of the date. Sudden bathroom urges and stuff.

    But I'm actually really embaressed about my PIED problem and I'm wondering if anyone has any experience being PIED during dating. And how to handle it.

    When we spoke last time she asked me if I had a girlfriend and if I was still on an online dating site. I said I don't have a girlfriend, and am barely using dating sites anymore.

    She's also single and not much on the dating sites because she mentioned she's often busy. We also spoke on the dating site a longer time ago. I could contact her there but I feel real life is better, although much more nerve-wrecking.

    I've no clue how to handle this. How to know if she likes me too, when to ask her out if she does.

    P.S. I never really had a girlfriend in my life, I was often so nervous I used to tell myself I wasn't 'worth it' so I didn't have to go through potential rejection.

    Thanks.
     
  2. phwrancesco

    phwrancesco Fapstronaut

    1,403
    1,140
    143
    if you have pied you should immediately quit pomading
     
  3. R2DToy

    R2DToy Fapstronaut

    127
    161
    43
    Hello, did you mean 'PMO'? I'm trying my best but have constant relapses. I'm trying to reduce PMO as much as I can first.
     
  4. Mindfawked

    Mindfawked Fapstronaut

    67
    31
    18
    Depends how much risk of heartache you wanna take. I don't know your personal circumstances, but if you can't get wood *at all* or your PMO addiction is really crippling, then if I were you I'd stay away from her until you can get your problem under control and at least make some decent progress. However if it's mostly anxiety related, get some boner pills from your doctor and talk to her. I think having sex with a real woman is good for a reboot. If she's understanding and a good person and can help you get a grip on your anxiety, I think that'll only help you.

    But like I said; you gotta decide how much risk you wanna take. If things don't work out, she's your neighbor so that could be really awkward. But no risk, no reward and all that. In the state I'm in right now, I'm pretty-much trying to go monk-mode until perhaps I can get past the 90-day challenge and/or I start noticing violent morning wood or other arousal when I'm around women.
     
    Mike Bonanno likes this.
  5. R2DToy

    R2DToy Fapstronaut

    127
    161
    43
    Hi,

    thanks for your reply.

    I can get 'wood', especially in the morning, but that's probably because you hold in your wee the whole night.
    Anyway, I have been in doubt. I thought on one hand I should let it rest and do anything until the problem is solved. On the other hand I'm thinking that I should go ahead and undertake something because 1) I want to clear the air 2) I feel like it could take years before this problem is gone. But yes, things could get awkward, although I never really am 'hurt' that much by rejection, regardless of my anxiety.

    I don't know how old you are. I also have this feeling I'm in 'rush mode' as I'm 33 and you see everyone around you settle down and such. I'm like the 'late' person in the family. Never really had much going on anymore since depression kicked in.

    What I feel mostly is crippling decisiveness due to fear. And the question is do I listen to it or ignore it.. I'm prepared to take some risk, just don't feel like I've got the balls to ask her out. And what about the PIED state. I wonder if my fear that women will 'laugh at it' or gossip about it is real.
     
  6. Its always a good sign if a women asks you if your single, unless she is married then run. The way to answer if she asks about having a girlfriend is to not be to serous. This is a test the answer could be something like this " well now your pretty foward about this did you read this online on a pick up site " tease her about wanting you DONT BE TO SERIOUS and if she asks about online dating say you stopped using thoses apps to many people were writing you it took up to much time. DO NOT SAY YOU HAVE BEEN SINGLE A LONG TIME, OR YOUR LAST STEADY DATE WHAS YOUR HAND LOL . Have fun with it remember that always in dating ITS ABOUT HAVING FUN.
     
  7. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

    1,217
    2,004
    143
    It's ok if you met her on the site, but it would be complete and utter nonsense to use it further in your situation. This is like you try to keep an extra distance between the two of you. Doesn't sound very productive for starting a relationship, does it?
    This is a good insight. Love isn't about being worth something or not, there is no inherent value to yourself in that regard, it is a product of your imagination.
    As you relapsed today, I've got to repeat that the sooner you quit PMO, the better. Did you experience PIED during sex? If so, when was the last time? Or does "never really had a girlfriend" mean you never had sex, too? If PIED is during masturbation: Forget it, sex feels entirely different anyway. Just go for her and risk being rejected. @Mindfawked says that you are taking risk of heardache, but in some regard, this risk will always be there anyway. You can never be certain in advance.
    But what should he do instead? Lie? She will find out and then you are in trouble. I told the woman I am dating right now that I've been single for four years on our first date (didn't plan to do so, but she talked about her last breakup having been very recent), and so far it doesn't seem to be a problem. That being said, I never felt uncomfortable about it.
     
  8. R2DToy

    R2DToy Fapstronaut

    127
    161
    43
    Hello,

    thanks for your reply.

    Well, I didn't mean to create extra distance between me and her, I considered the dating site as communication because of my anxiety in real life. I also thought, because I don't run into her that often. I could of course ring her doorbell but that might be a bit too confronting for her (and me as well).

    Anyway, a 2 day streak is something that might not be as impressive to others, but to me, it's a start. I do intend to lengthen the abstination. I have a long way to go. Also, I can totally stop watching porn, it's just that I often need it to get to the height point. I don't feel as if I'm addicted to watching porn, but much rather to the climax. The rest of the stuff is just to get to the end point.

    Not that it matters much. Because indirectly I still need porn most of the time. But this hornyness feeling is like a sensation I can't seem to get rid of. It actually feels kinda bothersome when it's there. That's one of the main reasons I MO. My pdoc said he could give me pills to reduce this feeling. But I'm not sure if that's the way to go, even though I really feel like something drastic needs to happen to get over this. It would make it a lot easier I think. My other reason to MO is satisfaction. It's only a few seconds, but with my rollercoaster depression I am really looking for a release. Other times it's loneliness and/or boredom.

    So OK, yes I PIED during sex, twice, and that was about a year or two ago. That's when I knew I had an issue, but I didn't do much about it or knew what to do about it. I went to my GP after the second time and he gave me blue pills. All well and good, but it doesn't solve the root problem. The blue pills work great but are impractical, and frankly, I'm greatly embaressed about this whole deal.

    Many years ago, I liked sex. Or at least I actually felt something. Now it's just fapping and waiting for the 2 second fountain. It's robot work.

    I'm also stressing about the fact that I can't get it up during 'regular' sex, and what women think of that. In my perspective, it somehow makes you 'less of a man' or at least it will become an issue - in a potential relationship. And you know women.. they like to gossip.

    Thanks.
     
  9. WOW why are you putting yourself above women ? Guess what there are alot women to that are single and are not great at relationships ever thought of that? Are you on here to complain or rise above what is holding you back?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 22, 2018
    Hitto likes this.
  10. Mindfawked

    Mindfawked Fapstronaut

    67
    31
    18
    If you're not afraid of rejection, then freaking ay disregard everything else I said and go for it. I mean realistically you should go for it anyway but you need to remember *ABOVE ALL ELSE* to get off the porn.

    I'm gonna be 31 in five months so I can fully relate to how you're feeling. Anyway dude if you don't get wood with the girl due to anxiety or PIED (or both), the FIRST thing the girl is gonna think isn't going to be "omg this guy can't get it up hahahalol!!!!1!11!111". The FIRST thing she's gonna think is "OMG I'M NOT ATTRACTIVE TO HIM !!!!!!:emoji_cry::emoji_cry::emoji_cry::emoji_cold_sweat::emoji_cold_sweat::emoji_cold_sweat: DOES HE THINK I'M FAT OR UGLY DID HE SEE THE ZIT ON MY ASS????". THAT will be her first reaction. Then you can just kinda segue "no far from it; it's me. I'm just really anxious because it's been awhile for me, that's all." then yall just rest for a bit, and maybe fondle each other or make out or whatever, then you can try again. Now if you take some time to get to know her before the banging and have a decent trust level with her, then you can mention the porn habit and how you're trying hard to get off it but it's difficult, etc.

    I went through a similar conversation with my last girlfriend when I tried banging her without the pills for the first time. And her reaction was exactly as I described; after assuring her it wasn't her, I just calmly explained the addiction (granted I'd made more progress than you by that point) plus anxiety, and she said we'd work through it. I only failed twice with her to rise to the occasion during the entirety of our relationship after that (believe it or not failing to get wood every now and again is pretty damn common; stress, fatigue, etc., can all do that), and even when we broke up later on; she NEVER ONCE bitched about the sex or attempted to humiliate me. She actually mentioned to me that her ex boyfriend had the SAME PROBLEM AS ME when I first discussed the issue with her.

    Anyway this anxiety/PIED shit is way more common than people think or realize.
     
  11. Mindfawked

    Mindfawked Fapstronaut

    67
    31
    18
    Also if I haven't said this already -- get yourself some boner pills. Yes, it's a weird conversation to have, but dude; tons of men these days have boner problems between the obesity crisis in the States and the obvious PIED that's way more common than people realize. Anywho pills will buy you time to help you out with the girl while you reboot. But that said, DO NOT BECOME RELIANT ON THEM. You need to resolve the underlying issue; the pills should be a temporary fix to help you get through an anxious period with a new partner or something. I firmly believe a supportive girlfriend who's willing to help you through this (not to mention the obvious benefits of having someone to use your dick on instead of your hand) to be a massive benefit in rewiring your brain.
     
    Male38 likes this.
  12. Headspace

    Headspace Fapstronaut

    1,217
    2,004
    143
    I am really confused about how you came to these conclusions.

    All I wanted to say is that you needn't be ashamed of having been single for a long time (or, say, always), regardless of possible reasons. Moreover, rather than keeping silent or even lying about it, it should better be mentioned at some point.
     
  13. if you read my original post I said to have fun on a date and not take it so serious witch is key the first 4-10 dates . Honesty as far as your experience and being single shouldn't come up for the first couple of dates maybe a couple of months if she inquires about it early say that you have been single for awhile looking for the RIGHT WOMEN .You cannot communicat that u will take anyone that comes along please fell sorry for me, it just looks bad and women pick up on this fast. I have been down this road. I don't critize people only to give some hard learned lessons honesty comes after getting to know someone the first couple of dates and are about having a good time and seeing if she is the right fit in your life, also to see is she is someone you want to be more open and honest to and to see if she is more open and honest as the dating progesses past the fist couple . good luck with it
     
    Headspace likes this.
  14. R2DToy

    R2DToy Fapstronaut

    127
    161
    43
    Allright thanks for the words guys. I feel more confident now, that I shouldn't have to hide the issue, which was stressing me the most.

    I currently have 'boner pills' so that's settled. Also, yes dating should be about fun and see if there's chemistry.

    Personally, I feel being honest is best, although I understand sometimes things can scare of women if you are dead honest from the start. But I think I will be honest anyway, since lying has always stressed me out. Thus making dating less comfortable and all I'll be thinking about is 'what if she asks about..'.

    Thanks.
     

Share This Page