My name is AtomicTango, and I am a porn addict

My issue with the fetishes is that they haven't come about naturally, they were influenced heavily by porn and in truth I get off on the NOVELTY of it, not the actual act. Theres something called the fetish cycle I've seen people mention which goes something like:

Straight vanilla - Straight but more fetish orientated - bisexual - gay - transexual - then it loops back.

The cycle is different for everyone of course but I think we all experience it on some level even if we dont always go the whole way through to the end. I would be OK with having the fetishes mentioned if I felt it was a normal part of my libido/sexual psyche but this isn't the case. The fetishes I mentioned "feel" wrong, like they dont belong, unlike other kinks I have that I didn't mention that I had before porn and still have now.

 

Yep, I've been finding getting through urges a lot easier now that I've differentiated between the approaches best suited for each situation.

 

Yeah you are definitely right, the longer that you go without giving in the weaker the mental connection is; the only issue is that its WAY, WAY longer than most seem to realise. I would argue 90 days is nowhere near long enough for most addicts, for example.

 

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement. I think a good way of looking at it is to treat every day you go without PMO (or in your case alcohol) as a small victory regardless of whether or not the day adds up to a long streak. Dont get me wrong, the streak is very important but I think its too easy to get depressed when you are unable to hit a "milestone" target like 30, 60, or 90 days.

 

I'm not the same age as you but I had been PMO'ing since a similar age, and I too cant really imagine not being affected by porn even if I do manage to "cure" myself. I think the most positive attitude you can have is that even if you go your entire life without reaching the goal, you will have at least TRIED, which is more than 99% of people do. I mean shit, most porn addicts dont even realise they are addicted, you are already leaps and bounds ahead in terms of progress simply because you have the balls to admit it to yourself and others.

 

Yesterday a friend messaged me on social media, talking about a girl he was talking to. Without thinking I asked him to show me what she looked like, so he sent me a picture. Damn, she was hot, and in the 20 or so hours since the image keeps flashing back in my mind despite just being a normal, everyday picture of a person. To make things worse the image would still be there in the chat whenever I checked it to continue our conversation (which had moved on from that topic)

Today I decided to just delete the image from the chat history so I physically cant look at it again. Honestly, I feel like me posting these small updates (which I'm only putting in this thread so I dont have to keep making new ones) is one of the only things stopping me from falling back down the PMO rabbit hole, its astounding how easily and quickly the urges flare up when I subject myself to even the mildest of stimuli. I wish my sexuality was healthy enough that I could react to things like this without it potentially setting off a disastrous chain of events that leads me to fucking things up even more. I know that all I can do is just keep going, and use all the tools I can to ensure it, but damn, I really do wish that I wasn't so messed up sometimes, its bad for my already limited self esteem.

 

I think the issue is that actively focusing on getting rid of urges seems to have the opposite effect for me, it tends to make them worse and worse. What I do instead is make a post about it as soon as it happens, really taking the effort to write up how I feel in detail. By the time that is done the rational part of my brain has taken over and forced the unwanted thoughts and feelings out without me having to exert too much mental energy. I get rid of the urges but I am also still at fighting strength so to speak, its a win win. I'd say give it a try, next time you get urges post in this thread and see if it helps.